Today can only be described as organised chaos. I knew the thought of housing, having no fixed address, worry about the toll on Relationships being at home and having no one to fall back on in crisis now we're on lockdown.
Organising all this in my mind & then having to act as the list couldn't be ignored. I know all this is what's messing with my sleep and dreams. After dealing with the nightmares: I realise what had been triggering me subconsciously.
I woke today knowing I was in crisis with no crisis team. That needed to be dealt with before things spiralled. I can handle rapid cycling and myself, but today going through all the channels I needed too. It made me dip so low and left me exhausted.
In crisis I feel unsafe, amongst dealing with housing and homeless, I also had to fight for support I was probably in need of. Not in the frame of mind of begging for, but doing that kept me safe.
These thoughts of reflection, calmness and an element of peace are my reward for doing what I did today, even though I didn't know if I'd make to the end of the day.
There was nothing to catch me when I fell this morning. I didn't handle it with much grace emotionally, but I knew that I'd got this far the last few weeks & realised I can't keep doing that or I'll really relapse. There will be consequence as there always is, I guess today was about prevention.
This morning I knew none of the sort, I just did what I felt my only options were. I was on my own and started to feel at risk.
If you are in crisis, feeling unsafe, or even just needing a chat to try process outwardly. There is safety in reaching out & asking for whatever you feel you need to stay stable in these new times.
A balance of keeping things in perspective of what can be done and what I need was a tricky slope, it was hard but it wasn't impossible.
Even in a pandemic I received support and got things put in place that I didn't even have when I woke up. Which is what I needed to take the fear of risk of my shoulders.
I am safe, settled and I feel supported.
I feel I can see all this through. My garden needed tending it was overgrown. 🌻🌻
I'm thankful that I was proactive because other wise I'd be sitting here in the same state I was. I have options for my mental health, my house that got caught up in lockdown shutting agency's and knowledgeable about the steps I need to take after this is all done. Mentally, physically and metaphorically 😉💗
I hope you are all well, today's been testing which is when I always reach for the mighty. #MightyTogether
Please ask for help or support in whatever way you need, even in a pandemic anything that threatens your own stability is still worthy 🙏💙
Goodnight all, take care 🙌
From a very exhausted Scottish lass X
#BipolarDisorder #quarantine #Anxiety #Crisis #CrisisPlan #Lowmood #Daybyday #itsokaynottobeokay #ItsOKMan #52SmallThings 💗