Dialectical Behavior Therapy

Today my therapist and I created a shared google doc and began outlining a crisis plan starting by identifying where my baseline is and working up in distress from there. But like, I kind of don’t want to use it… Using it takes effort and a general desire for my well-being. And I don’t really think I’m worth that effort anymore. As long as I just make it through the semester without totally failing my classes, why does it matter how I coped to make it through? It’s stupid but I’m mad about the crisis plan, I don’t want one, I don’t want to fight myself anymore. I’m too done to care. Sure, no one can make me use it. But I feel like I have to because 1) if I continue not to my therapist might have me hospitalized and that’s not happening 2) if my brother or other family members found out I’ve turned back to selfharm it would really stress them out and I don’t want to be a burden to them. So now I have a crisis plan, and a promise that I will try my best to use it and thereby prevent or at least significantly reduce any future relapses. But honestly I’ve lost sight of what the big deal is, I’m not trying to kill myself. Isn’t that enough?

#Selfharm #CrisisPlan #MentalHealth #CollegeMentalHealth #Therapy #DBT #DialecticalBehaviorTherapy #Anxiety #Depression

Hi everyone,
I have borderline (bpd) and I’ve been doing some serious work but I only meet with my therapist once every 2 weeks. I’m on my own.
I have brought up memories of things my mother did to me when I was growing up. I blocked them, probably because I have needed her in my life codependantly. We’ve been close. She’s the first one I called when I was diagnosed with cancer.
I don’t want to talk to her right now, maybe never again. But I’m aware of my black and white thinking and dialectics.
I was just about to block her cell number when I decided to reach
I’m alone with my crazy head. I don’t have any friends to talk to ( I don’t do relationships) so this is the best option.
Does anyone know what I should do? I am open to anything and I would appreciate it so much.

I decided to leave the DBT group I signed up for a few weeks ago. And for weeks it’s started later than it should and a few participants were very triggering and annoying. It’s hard when you’re doing it via Zoom because of the technical issues and not everyone can hear each other. I was sick of how unorganized it was so now I’ve decided to find a therapist who can help me re-learn the skills again in person and without the aggravation.

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #DialecticalBehaviorTherapy

On Saturday, I had a psychiatrist appointment over the phone. I spent the entire morning preparing, making sure I was physically taken care of, mentally and emotionally calm, using my breathing techniques, and had all my notes and safety objects around me. He called, assessed me, and it was over. He concluded that I "don't have a psychiatric disorder", which I think is an oversimplification but it is the answer I was looking for. I need my medical charts to focus on my yet-to-be-diagnosed physical health symptoms, not the already-managed mental health symptoms, and this is a great first step towards that.
[In reality, I experience symptoms of #CPTSD every day, but due to effective practicing of skills, the psych assessed that this no longer causes me significant dysfunctioning, and therefore he considered me clinically well.]
The emotional aftermath of this appointment was incredibly messy, with initial intense excitement, followed by paranoia about being "found out" (for what I'm not clear on), followed by an extreme exhaustion. I had trouble falling asleep, experiencing panic while lying in bed, as I often have in the past.

Then yesterday I saw my mom. It was another emotionally draining experience. I have to practice deep listening and loving speech so carefully, and use meditative thought to protect myself from emotion or concepts that have the potential to cause me harm. It is better, both in the moment and in the end, than the alternative, but exhausting work nonetheless. I woke up twice in the night with racing heartbeat and panic feelings.

I have also started cutting back on my medication recently. Although I've experienced a lot, I believe my increased difficulty at night has more to do with the dosage change. I have a lot of trouble at night during the winter, when the daylight is so scarce, so I have tools I can use when I'm not sleeping well. I can ask my roommates to bunk with me, use aromatherapy, set a bedtime routine, and I have a bedtime medication I use sparingly. If I'm up in the middle of the night, I can meditate, read, play or watch one of my safety games or shows, come on The Mighty, and I can get my roommates if I need help calming down. All that being said, I'm hoping my nights improve as my mindbody adjusts to the lower dose of meds and I continue to practice my skills.

#Meditation #CognitiveBehavioralTherapy #DialecticalBehaviorTherapy #5MindfulnessTrainings #Selfcare #CommunityCare