Stupid little crisis plan
Today my therapist and I created a shared google doc and began outlining a crisis plan starting by identifying where my baseline is and working up in distress from there. But like, I kind of don’t want to use it… Using it takes effort and a general desire for my well-being. And I don’t really think I’m worth that effort anymore. As long as I just make it through the semester without totally failing my classes, why does it matter how I coped to make it through? It’s stupid but I’m mad about the crisis plan, I don’t want one, I don’t want to fight myself anymore. I’m too done to care. Sure, no one can make me use it. But I feel like I have to because 1) if I continue not to my therapist might have me hospitalized and that’s not happening 2) if my brother or other family members found out I’ve turned back to selfharm it would really stress them out and I don’t want to be a burden to them. So now I have a crisis plan, and a promise that I will try my best to use it and thereby prevent or at least significantly reduce any future relapses. But honestly I’ve lost sight of what the big deal is, I’m not trying to kill myself. Isn’t that enough?
#Selfharm #CrisisPlan #MentalHealth #CollegeMentalHealth #Therapy #DBT #DialecticalBehaviorTherapy #Anxiety #Depression