Delirium

…held by helium.

revive my soul.

a refining work continues its need to take place.

there’s no hiding that fact.

there’s impurities galore that keep rising to the surface,

in the ebbs and flows of life’s furnace.

Your promises are a trustworthy pact,

despite the circumstances that I daily face.

make me whole.

sparkle my eyes.

pure silver dripping in the tears I shed,

my requests rise to You.

the light of days and nights and scars

penetrates the hopelessness of prison bars.

no matter what I say or do,

I need to trust You rather than my head.

truth be wise.

hands that move,

rise up skyward as if held by helium,

searching beyond earth for reward.

You alone are my inheritance.

help me hold You in complete reverence.

taking roads least explored,

grace that covers the depths of my delirium.

find my groove.

lift me up.

unfailing love is the ultimate blessing.

come to my rescue.

I need to sing because You are good.

give me the courage to act. understood?

my body is Your venue.

woo me with Your righteous caressing.

fill my cup.

© Mark Bryant. May 7th, 2021.

[Psalms 12-17, 19-21]

#MightyPoets

#overcome

#light

Why didn't I help him earlier? What do his mental disorders mean? Why didn't I realize that he was having a hard time?

I asked myself these and many other questions related to mental health, after a very close friend in a dance class threatened to kill and cut his teacher with a knife. When this happened I felt in a state of shock, I could not react and I had pain and anguish in my chest. Then I began to reflect a lot about my friend's behavior patterns and I understood that I always downplayed possible attitudes that spoke of his behavior and consequently of his mental health. I think that we must be aware that a person may be affected by some disorder or mental illness and not know it. I concluded that I could have done something and helped my friend with a little more information on the subject. What happened to him could have been avoided if he had received the help he needed to treat his mental disorders in time.

Most mental illnesses do not get better on their own, and without treatment they can get worse.

Some examples of the signs and symptoms of mental disorders include the following:

Feelings of sadness or discouragement

Confused thoughts or reduced ability to concentrate

Excessive worries or fears or intense feelings of guilt

Ups and downs and radical mood swings

Withdrawal from friendships and activities

Significant tiredness, low energy, and sleep problems

Disconnection from reality (delirium), paranoia, or hallucinations

Inability to cope with the problems or stress of daily life

Problems understanding and relating to situations and people

Problems with alcohol or drug use

Major changes in eating habits

Changes in sexual desire

Excess anger, hostility, or violence

Suicidal thought

Buenos Aires province:

Mental health: 0800 222 5462

Information supplied by the representatives of the Federal Council on Disability.

Bibliography: Mayo Clinic Family Health Book 5th Edition

As someone who has suffered with depression for years, I know firsthand the struggles it comes with. It is such a complicated illness that is hard for others to understand unless they are dealing with it too. I do not wish it upon anyone, but I do wish that people understood the complexity of it and difficulties of having it. I first got treatment for it in 2017, after secretly dealing with it for years and finally opened up in late 2016 about it. Yet, it became difficult looking for help and so it took a toll. I handled my depression through self-harm (which I do not condone) and found it as a relief but a brief one. Then it was back to my head all over again.

After several months of therapy, I felt like I could manage life better… or at least numb it. I never really focused on my mental health during my sessions because I was so worried about getting over and out with therapy. I was seeking help yet escaping it too. I was able to manage myself for 3 more years until early 2020. Being at home more often and less at college for my second semester of my first year started taking a toll on me. I felt loneliness, anger, sadness, etc. All because my problems started coming back and becoming greater. I realized then that I was going to deal with a tough battle for a second time. It started with losing sleep slowly but surely, feeling complete lack of energy and motivation, low appetite, etc. My emotional issue was creating physical ones. I became an insomniac by May and by July I was a compete wreck. This caused my dad to admit me to the hospital, and be observed for two and a half days. My first day while in the ER I suffered from delirium and started rambling and panicking. I was nonstop apologizing to my dad about everything and repeatedly asking for a hug.

After my two and a half days in observation, I was then taken to the psych ward and admitted for a week. My experience there was not the best, but I did meet some great people who had other stories and the staff were kind to me. The entire experience showed my family the toll depression took on me and how hard it is dealing with it. It taught me to open more and do not brush off my issues because they are in fact valid and may become a greater problem later on. Suffering from a depressive relapse was horrible and still is but I am growing as a person and learning ore about myself from it. That I am strong, intelligent, worthy, and more. And so are you.

I want to thank the entire staff at Jacobi Medical Center for their extreme care while I was there on my road to recovery.

Thank you.