I am a 32 year old Black woman who is searching for answers...
Longing to understand myself better, longing to help others understand me better, and longing to connect with people who are willing to love and support exactly where I am.
In my searching, I have found out so much.
I learned recently that (long story behind this) that I was diagnosed at 6 years old with a Neuromotor Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, and possible mild Encephalopathy (brain damage) along with posturing issues (left hemiparetic posturing).
I also had seizures and constant tension headaches (tension headaches are still a problem)... all confirmed by a pediatric neurologist but not followed up with by my Mother.
As I've grown older, I also was tested by my psychologist I've been seeing for about 3 years now and he also suspects Autism, PTSD, and an Attachment disorder (he is an educational Psychologist but not a clinical psychologist so he couldn't like diagnose me right there on the spot).
Before this I was diagnosed after a break down with Schizoaffective Disorder (I was 20-21 when diagnosed?), but I've seen others who understand all of this better (counselors, etc) and they felt that I was misdiagnosed so I started to believe that I probably was....
Now, at 32 years old arriving to the understanding that my mother (my dad wasn't in the scene alot so I don't know what he knows) knew for a long time I had been diagnosed at such a young age has left a lot of questions, grief, and I admit - anger. I also feel like I need to note that I am an ACOA (Adult child of Alcoholics) which plays a huge part in why I was never addressed well by my parents with all the challenges I faced for years.
Whew.... that can be jarring to write out.
Since learning about all of this, I'm finally seeing a psychiatrist to start medication for ADD.
I'm hoping this psychiatrist will be able to address the neurological side. My psychologist has been pretty good in helping me with the behavioral aspects....but I feel like meds are the missing piece.
I've struggled for years to make sense of everything I was struggling with. Some have been patient and others just haven't because they have just found me too complicated to deal with - which is fine. I know that I also have been struggling with even understanding a lot of the time how to function well given all the things that I'm struggling with.
I'm sharing this here because I know many of you out there reading this understand the complexity and challenges of trying to get to the bottom of what's happening with you.
#neuromotordisorder #neurodivergent #ADHD #Autism #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #ACOA #Trauma #Encephalopathy #PTSD #GettingHelp
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