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I think it's time to let the secret out of the box my autistic kids have the idea of a person being unfaithful.Sounds like it's worst than murder for them.
I wrote my story before, I cheated on my abusive partner. I was tired of being incompetent, stupid, the "bad mother", "the one who cannot do anything right"... I tried separation, he refused, he told I was unstable, crazy, and I would lost the kids, no judge would ever let the kids with someone like me.
One thing he said was right, I was stupid. I believed him, I was terrified of him.
I wanted someone to like me, to admire me, doesn't matter what. A bit of background, I was living in his country, not mine. So, I did, and as I expected, he found out about all the people I went out (in less than 2 years).
He still didn't let me go, the threats were even worst, of course. I consider killing myself, I started cutting myself, if he wouldn't let me go, I wouldn't be his, I would be a person in pieces. I was wearing size 0, developed a brutal eating disorder.
He raped me twice while we were still together.
The problem is, after I left, he became abusive with the kids! Then he would use everything he could against me, bullying me, saying no judge would give me the kids. -Oh he would not call rape, I was his wife afterall.
Things go up and down, I felt extremely guilt for what I did, I always try to keep a good relationship because he is lonely, he can't get along with anybody... He fights with neighbours, sister, brother, friends.
He gives, gives and gives, expecting back what he judges right, not what people have to offer.
Recently he rented the house for me, for a good price- a bit more than what I was paying before: no contract, no trace of rent - all paid in cash. I thought it was a good exchange for him because it will be hard to sell a house like that, it's just like it was in 1960; a few modifications his father made over time, just minimum to keep it. There were also the problem with the will and etc. so, the house is not empty, it's good for both of us.
No! Everytime there is a problem with the adult kids, he wants me to interfere and help them to talk to him again. Last time he called his autistic kid an idiot! That was the last straw for his brother, who can't take the abuse anymore! He is cutting contact with him.
That verbal abuse is constant against all of us, we are moving again. But the abuse won't die, next he will go back using what I did, threatening to tell the kids again. My stomach is turning around .... They are adults , 22, but it will damage their mental health even more!
At the same time, I don't think my kids should picture me as perfect; I'm not! What I did was infling damage in someone who is sooo messed up that all he could do was hurt me.
He doesn't accept his mistakes, but he took his father -while still alive- asking to say he was sorry for being phisical abusive. But he doesn't make mistakes, he is right all the time; I'm soft and destroying the kids life.
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