fat-shaming

TW Mentions of fat-shaming, swearing, bugs, some all caps, misgendering, exclusionism #venting
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Seriously, why does this damn society seem to think that just because you look overweight instantly leads to believing they have health problems or the only ones capable of health problems? You can look skinny, or average, or look really healthy (even have a bunch of muscles!) and can - still - have health problems regarding weight or how you eat.

Now I’m remembering someone in 2018 who just came up to me and was very kind and told me their way of how they lost weight. I was just sitting there, minding my own business. I thought that they were being very nice and just giving advice, and now I feel like a fucking fool because it was JUST BECAUSE I LOOKED OVERWEIGHT!

Today, it honestly doesn’t help that when I’m told how I should eat or exercise, I get imposter syndrome all over again. I’m an adult. I already suffer from anxiety and despise this ridiculous judgemental ignorant world. I know I’m overweight. When I’ve had enough of life, I have the urge for comfort food. I know what I’m eating isn’t really that healthy, I admit that, and I’ve always TOLD myself that I should eat healthy, not to look skinnier, but to at least be healthier, and had even made plans to cut out some thing I should eat.…it’s hard. I have a lot of shit going on right now. Does society even understand that?!

I’m already stressed that the weather is already getting warmer here than I like, which means more bugs (flies, gnats) and possibly fleas again, so I’m trying to plan the best way to make this problem not so irritating including doing things that my sister continuously says that I shouldn’t do which also fucking irritates me to max (tying the garbage bags… it keeps the gnats away and I even SAID that I’ll buy more bags for us). Last summer was horrible and I do NOT want it to come. Spring is also about to betray me as well.

I am non-binary and have severe social gender dysphoria and hate being misgendered as a fucking “she”, which means I mostly stay inside all the time because of how painful it is.

I suffer from trust issues because of how much the world is a piece of garbage. “Cringe” this, “snowfl*king” that, “faking” this, seriously. Why.

My sister’s kids are on spring break and their loud footsteps irritate my autism whether or not I like to admit that.. trying to not to seem like I hate them (which I don’t, I love them!!). And all I’m trying to do is to get myself CALM.

Those are just four things. There are many more I can list. So even trying to be healthy is a struggle either because of poor mental health or that I’ve given up at that moment. I want to live… but it’s to eat healthy or exercise because of all of this crap. Does society even understand that?!

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Fatshaming #fat #Overweight #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #ImposterSyndrome #DearSociety #nonbinary #EatingDisorders #EatingIssues #eating #EatingHealthyIsNotEasy #MentalHealth #LGBTQIA #BeingHealthyIsNotEasy #sad #BodyShaming #BodyImage

First off I use the term Fat* as an empowering self identifier, based off the work of Roxanne Gay.

So i had an eating disorder in high school. I didnt gain weight from the time I was 12 to 15, and I was skinny, underweight. At 15 I started recovery and have been in remission for 5-6 years. In that time, my weight has almost doubled (for a bunch of reasons). In the last few months especially, I've put on a good share of that weight. I was fine with being plus size, at least when I was a Small Fat* (RG's term) and could hide the weight with looser clothes. Now I'm reaching the point where I can't. And I hate it and I'm ashamed of hating it bc I know there is nothing wrong with being my size. But I just feel ugly and unattractive and huge and I don't like how I look in just about anything. I have almost nothing that I had a year ago because it doesn't fit me/I dont like it anymore. Im uncomfortable in anything except pajamas and hate going on the bus because of the space I know I take up. I feel like I dont know how to express who I am which makes me feel like I don't know who I am. So I want to loose weight (just a few pounds) but my body won't do it which is bringing back fasting/restriction habits, especially since I have no apeptite and nothing sounds or tastes good (due to meds Im on and other disabilities I have). So in the last couple days, I've barely eaten anything and I don't want to because nothing sounds good, I'm rarely hungry and most of all because I dont want to gain weight.

And no one in my life understands. Everyone thinks I should be loosing weight (fat shaming) and that I just need to have discipline to eat and eat "healthily".

Dear Caregiver,

I think you are constantly obsessed with my weight, it makes me feel confused and deeply sad, and humiliated.

Why do you need to focus on my weight?

What is your ultimate logic in focusing on my weight? I don’t believe it adds to your finances, makes you achieve your goals faster, or bring forth any positive challenges.

It doesn’t make you a good caregiver. It makes you a bully.

If you’re a bully, then you’re not a caregiver who is looking to engage in healthy relationships.

Your behavior is costing you this relationship.

#Fatshaming

My anxiety has made me so fat... I used to think I was beautiful and but now every time I see myself in the mirror I just see a fat full of acne ugly person. My self esteem is so low right now, my parent tell my I’ve gained weight and the tell me I should stop eating and excercise more (which is true) but sometimes I think I’ve got like this because of my lack of mental health... A few months ago I told them that my psychiatrist diagnosed me with anxiety and depression but although they listened to me I don’t think they really understand what’s all of this about or maybe they just think I’m not serious... The thing is that I just feel so ugly inside and out... Not to mention all my worries and regrets and self loathing... I’m a mess I wish I could just disappear...
#Anxiety #Fatshaming

Going to the doctor again today, hopefully I'll get a different answer than the usual 'lose weight' - fingers crossed #Fatshaming #doctorappointment #weight

My primary care doctor is really getting on me for my weight and I’m afraid it’s making me want to be #bulimic and #Anorexic. She doesn’t understand that I was doing really well mentally until that appointment!