I feel like to die i hate what i see in mirror and how I’m i gonna survive pulling those hairs and a body that’s made of bones.
TW Mentions of fat-shaming, swearing, bugs, some all caps, misgendering, exclusionism #venting
Seriously, why does this damn society seem to think that just because you look overweight instantly leads to believing they have health problems or the only ones capable of health problems? You can look skinny, or average, or look really healthy (even have a bunch of muscles!) and can - still - have health problems regarding weight or how you eat.
Now I’m remembering someone in 2018 who just came up to me and was very kind and told me their way of how they lost weight. I was just sitting there, minding my own business. I thought that they were being very nice and just giving advice, and now I feel like a fucking fool because it was JUST BECAUSE I LOOKED OVERWEIGHT!
Today, it honestly doesn’t help that when I’m told how I should eat or exercise, I get imposter syndrome all over again. I’m an adult. I already suffer from anxiety and despise this ridiculous judgemental ignorant world. I know I’m overweight. When I’ve had enough of life, I have the urge for comfort food. I know what I’m eating isn’t really that healthy, I admit that, and I’ve always TOLD myself that I should eat healthy, not to look skinnier, but to at least be healthier, and had even made plans to cut out some thing I should eat.…it’s hard. I have a lot of shit going on right now. Does society even understand that?!
I’m already stressed that the weather is already getting warmer here than I like, which means more bugs (flies, gnats) and possibly fleas again, so I’m trying to plan the best way to make this problem not so irritating including doing things that my sister continuously says that I shouldn’t do which also fucking irritates me to max (tying the garbage bags… it keeps the gnats away and I even SAID that I’ll buy more bags for us). Last summer was horrible and I do NOT want it to come. Spring is also about to betray me as well.
I am non-binary and have severe social gender dysphoria and hate being misgendered as a fucking “she”, which means I mostly stay inside all the time because of how painful it is.
I suffer from trust issues because of how much the world is a piece of garbage. “Cringe” this, “snowfl*king” that, “faking” this, seriously. Why.
My sister’s kids are on spring break and their loud footsteps irritate my autism whether or not I like to admit that.. trying to not to seem like I hate them (which I don’t, I love them!!). And all I’m trying to do is to get myself CALM.
Those are just four things. There are many more I can list. So even trying to be healthy is a struggle either because of poor mental health or that I’ve given up at that moment. I want to live… but it’s to eat healthy or exercise because of all of this crap. Does society even understand that?!
#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Fatshaming #fat #Overweight #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #ImposterSyndrome #DearSociety #nonbinary #EatingDisorders #EatingIssues #eating #EatingHealthyIsNotEasy #MentalHealth #LGBTQIA #BeingHealthyIsNotEasy #sad #BodyShaming #BodyImage
I believe our pets have a 6th sense when it comes to us; they know what is going on with us physically and emotionally, often better than we do.#lifeslittlejoys #MightyTogether #TheMighty #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #Trauma #MedicalTrauma #Religious Trauma #ChildhoodEmotionalAbuse #Shame #Loneliness #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #CrohnsDisease #InflammatoryBowelDiseaseIBD #UlcerativeColitis #Surgery #jpouch #BodyImage #BodyShaming #RheumatoidArthritis #Jointpain #JointStiffness #gastroesphogealrefluxdisease #Rape #Suicide #SuicideAwareness #MultipleDisabilities #MentalHealth #liftmeup #MightyMinute #CheerMeOn #DistractMe
it's heartbreaking when you used to start your day with 2 slices of bread to eating whatever makes you feel happy, being #BodyShaming by your own family members. I feel like wanting to restrict my food intake again. I used to be 52kg. now I'm 65kg. I am proud with my weight. I am proud how I gained my weight today. I love my body the way she is. yet it's hard to be positive when people degrading your efforts to recover. I know I'm gaining a lots of weight due to eat a lot and my medication. but idgf okay? fuk you. just because you're my family members doesn't mean I'm okay with what you doing.
“It’s okay to be fat” “just keep eating as long as you’re happy” “it’s okay, i’m fat too”
Are those people really think that’s a nice thing to say?
I used to be a skinny girl when i was a kid, my family said I can’t get fat no matter how much i eat, so they kept giving me food i love, but it all changed since my first period. Getting fat is like breathing an air but you can’t let go. I keep gaining weight since than, and my parents never tells me to go on a diet or take me to a doctor. They thought it’s normal and healthy.
It starts when i was in high school, my body getting bigger. I joined cheerleader, dance club, even students body president, i rarely eat, but i keep gaining weights. My dad vision of a pretty girl is long hair, skinny body and no acne face. I’m the opposite. My hair was short because it’s hot, i don’t have skinny body since my body keep growing, and my face got hit by hormonal acne. So my dad keep telling me “you’re fat” “Take care of your face, it’s unappealing” and many hurtful words that i’m kinda used to it.
In high school i won so many awards, even my teachers are proud of me, but not my dad, because i’m not the pretty girl at school. He kept remind me everyday that i’m not pretty enough, no guys want to be my boyfriend if i look like that, or I should feel ashamed with my body. Believe me it messed me up.
I fought with my friends because I thought and i’m sure, he making fun of me because i’m fat, i cried and scream at him in the mall, it happened couple times. And we lost contact since that day.
This insecurity grew inside me. Because my dad remind me everytime, when we eat, when i wear a clothes, when i wear a shorts, or when we meet our big family. I was never skinny enough or pretty enough. I knew i said i’m used to what he said, but sometimes it hurts, i expect that from someone else, but never my dad.
My height is 159cm and my weight is 85kg, i look fat in every picture, so I edited my picture to look skinny, because i feel comfortable that way, everyone said i’m pretty when I’m skinny in the picture, it makes me happy but hurts at the same time, because my dad still reminding me with his own mouth i need to lose weight to be pretty, i need to stop eating when i only eat once a day.
I met lots of new people that share about #BodyPositive and said, love your body, love yourself, but it’s not as simple as that, my insecurities live within me, don’t push me to believe that my body is okay, my body my choice, because it doesn’t feel like it, that words only hurts me more, my dad already do a good job with that, please stop, it’s nice for you to share to the young ones, but not me, i’m too broken to feel that I’m beautiful, and i hate myself enough for that. All this hormonal weight really blind me.
If you wonder, what did my dad do to make me lose weight? Nothing, once I didn’t eat for a whole day because i feel ugly. I only wear a dress once, because my dad said i look like a whale wearing that #MentalIllness
they told me to get on the scale just to confirm their guess my weight game..it's a bunch of men from my work place, i just try to take a peacefull 5 min break..i've been sitting at my desk from 8am getting my work done and i just a 5 minute break and they find it fun to make go on the scale just to give them confirmation that i've gained weight..i tried to talk to them politely saying no politely and make them see that their action is wrong but they still keep going and just laughing..am i thier laughing stock or what..???what they said have been stuck in my head and i making me gradually feeling anxious.. A lot of things came to my mind..