forgiveness

It has been a month since I joined The Mighty and nearly a week since I wrote my first post: Fragments of Me: A Personal Story About My Life with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Today I feel the sudden need to check-in. I plan to do this more often so I can mark my progress and record my thoughts. All of this is to ease my mind and to lessen the burden on the people around me. I've been told that I can be overwhelming because of my constant need to overshare and my inability to let things go. It hurts to hear that, but to be fair, I'd rather people be honest than to lie to me, so I'll take it in with a grain of salt.

I'm relieved to have found a community with individuals that are going through something similar or who are willing to learn more about their loved ones suffering with mental health disorders such as mine. However, I'm still struggling to find balance in my everyday life & I've been finding myself extremely insecure and anxious as of lately.

Alot of it has to do with the fact that next week my boyfriend and I are reaching our one year. We have been fighting intensely for the last few months due to my insecurities and distrust for things that happened early on in our relationship. It reached a point where we started questioning if we should continue on because we were making each other miserable. Definitely not an ideal start to our one year especially when we have a trip planned solely dedicated to celebrating that milestone in our relationship.

The question I have is: As a borderline, how do I forgive and let the past be the past?

#TheMighty #CheckInWithMe #Forgiveness #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Relationships #Healing #Anxiety #Bpdrecovery #MentalHealth

I spoke this morning on Amazing Grace. Hope it encourages you.

www.youtube.com/live/39pFxuH7Zqg

This #quote has been said by people for many, many years in different ways (but still means the same) that it is natural to say,

“If you can forgive, you can heal.”

But… I’ve learned recently that you don’t have to. And I’ll say it again if you didn’t hear it.

YOU DON’T NEED TO FORGIVE SOMEONE TO BE ABLE TO HEAL!!!

Why forgive someone that most likely could be doing the same to someone else? They won’t stop. You forgiving them won’t change the fact that whatever it was that was done, that person had the time to:

• Think about the action
• Then actually implement it
• Doesn’t think of the consequences
• And maybe even repeat the action again and again

Whether it happened from a coworker or a boss, mother, father, family members, friends, spouses or partner, teacher… ANYBODY.

Better yet… just leave that situation and put your needs first… and forgive yourself instead.

• Forgive that you didn’t know it would happen
• Forgive that you don’t control the actions of others, only your own
• If you’re scared to get away, get help (many know the difficulties of leaving a situation if it makes it scary to just walk away)
• It’s okay to prioritize your life, your wellbeing, YOUR HEALTH
•Maybe even do a deep reflection of what happened, but close that chapter and move on

No one is born with the ill intention to hurt another person. Situations in life, surroundings… different aspects as one grows and starts developing their own consciousness. You’re not to blame for anything someone else does.

Always…

#loveyourself
#Selfcare
#SelfCareClub
#ThoughtsINeededToLetOut

You’ve done the best you could

Forgiveness starts first by yourself. Sometimes to forgive youself is the difficult part to acknowledge. We are quick to see the wrong in other people, what they did to you, but don't forget, you are also part of the whole situation. Everyone are tested, but the big picture is to forgive yourself, maybe or for sure or for some reason that is not your fault that things turned out that way, but still, you are a part of that pain and sorrow, and the question is always, how did I become part of this? It is not even my place or fault! Before the guilt trips starts, take time to forgive yourself, than the other who are involved! The truth will set you free!!

Gave it my all, but took a mighty fall,
Love's grip so tight, it claimed my soul's thrall.
Now my mind seeks solace for the void within,
Aching heart, searching for ways to begin.

Emptiness and darkness, pain's ceaseless rain,
A struggle to comprehend, accommodate, restrain.
Who knew a friendship could be so toxic and bleak,
Leaving my body anoxic, longing to seek

Survival, I found, by grace of the divine,
Hustling for a life where my spirit can finally shine.
No more hurt, no more tears to spill,
I won't neglect those who uplift and instill

Belief in me, true friends who stay,
Unyielding in love, even when skies turn gray.
Those who stand strong through life's hardest test,
They are the ones who deserve my best.

Pushing away those who truly care,
Leaves one gasping for air, lost and unaware.
I've been through it, and now it's your turn,
May you learn from mistakes and the bridges you burn.

But through it all, I'll still be there,
With abundant love and genuine care to share.
I know the pain of abandonment's sting,
But fear not, my support is no fleeting fling.

My heart is pure, my intentions sincere,
No prey to lure, no hidden agenda to adhere.
For humanity's sake, my mission's aim,
Fiery ambition runs deep in my veins.

Forgiveness and love, I choose to embrace,
No room for hatred, no enemy to chase.
So here's to the next chapter, the story's sequel,
Counting blessings, ensuring your path sees the sun's golden sheen.

No foes shall I keep, for all are equal,
Cheers to a life where compassion is fecal.
With open arms, I welcome what's in store,
A new journey awaits, and my heart's ready to explore.

#Friendship #Love #BestFriends #Toxic #Heartache #friendsfight #Itsokay #humanity #Acceptance #Hope #Positivity #Forgiveness #Healing

As a trauma survivor I'm always told that forgiveness is necessary for healing, and yet others say that it isn't necessary. As a practicing Catholic, I know what the church says but when you have complicated relationships with your family then I think that makes forgiveness a little more difficult. I have no relationship currently with my family ever since I spoke up about the abuse I was enduring. They seemed to turn on me and I am still healing those wounds. I used to feel completely let down and invalidated.

I felt defeated and unimportant. I thought that speaking up would make things better. It did the opposite. Other than no longer being abused, I struggle to see the positives. Sure I have a loving fiancé that has been with me every step of my healing journey but somedays that just isn't good enough. I have written numerous letters of forgiveness to my abusers but always discarded them. I felt they either weren't genuine or I wasn't ready. However I have been able to forgive myself for not knowing certain things then that I know now. Yet I struggle to forgive my abusers. It makes it harder because the abusers are family members.

What are your takes on forgiveness? I do want to reach a place of healing and maybe forgiveness one day. I want heal so much that I cannot get triggered. Though having #PTSD makes that a little hard. I feel like if I forgive then I can move on. I know forgiveness is a personal choice but I just wanted some opinions. Ultimately I may follow Catholic doctrine and forgive my enemies but right now I am not there.

#SexualAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #ChildhoodAbuse #Trauma #BipolarDisorder #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Family #Toxic #Healing #Writing #Forgiveness #Catholic