GuiltTrip

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I've finally told my mom that after considering, I plan to move with my dad, and said that it had nothing against her. She was offended, she even said it, too. Continuously guilt-tripping me with words like "I do everything I can for you, and yet you still chose him over me."

I told her to stop guilt-tripping me and told her numerous times that it had nothing against her. She acted like she wasn't offended and understood my decision, but as someone with autism and whose mother has been mentally abusive for most of my life, I knew she was deep down. She denied that she was guilt-tripping, and has even accused me of guilt-tripping her when I said out loud that I then wanted to kill myself (out of stress, disbelief, and not wanting to deal with the pain anymore). Not to mention that I was just looking for ways to kill myself three days ago because of this stupid society. She even said something like "how can you get mad at me when everyone else in the world does that" when I mentioned that she used to fat-shame me, shame me for not taking showers at times and compared me to others, etc... she even denied that she even MOCKED me because she thought that I was offended, when really I couldn't hear her the first time, and I told her that, too!!

I don't fucking care if she started to talk in a more understanding matter and was no longer offended and acts like she actually cares about me (like she does every fucking time we have start an argument), I'm not forgiving her for saying those things. At this point, she doesn't deserve it. One of my queerplatonic partners (not friends, but not romantic) is now pissed.. well, every one of my partners are now pissed at her at this point, and are very glad that I chose to move in with my dad instead of staying with her. She has never changed when it comes to my dad. I'm honestly very disappointed that she even acted that way. I'm fucking 21 years old, a fucking adult who can make their own fucking decisions, and yet she still hasn't changed. 😞😡

I already don't like my (older) sister very much, either, because I always feel like she gaslights me whenever we get into conflict as well.

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #Family #FamilyAndFriends #GuiltTrip #SocialAnxiety #moving #SocialAnxietyDisorder #Disappointed #MentalHealth #WOW #Parent #Parents #mentalabuse #Abuse #Siblings #Gaslighting

Sorry, just venting today. What I had to hear today: 1) you don't care 2) I (mom) deal with hip pain, knee pains 3) are you coming to my funeral when I die? (sorta laughed at that one because she said she doesn't want one, she got mad and said it wasn't funny--she was serious) 4) She can't do anything right in my eyes. I'm dealing with recent mobility issues that cropped up this past week, I turned down standing weekly dinner invite, but she's upset. She thinks all I care about is myself, which is furthest thing from my mind. I can't attempt to explain myself, falls on the "stop thinking about yourself mode" I'm in my late 50's. All I can do is listen on phone as she's telling me how she feels while she cries. then i roll my eyes and hang up. #GuiltTrip #minding my own business #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder

We are 1st generations to immigrants who were sponsored to the US due to the Vietnam war. All I know is that no matter where you come from. Many are money hungry as fuck and will do almost anything to have it.

I got into a heated conversation with my FNL about life Insurance. He has 4 total in which he does NOT pay for. His oldest son pays for one and his new wife pays for 3 of his. He says that if we don't buy him life Insurance then we don't love him. We can barely afford to pay for our own bills and he wants to see us struggle to make ends meet while paying for something he already has 4 of!!! I'm flabbergasted. He told me that when he dies, those who didn't buy him life insurance or paid for his life Insurance will not get any. I told him that's Totally fine! He sees life Insurance as an investment. I do NOT! To me it serves one purpose, to take care of the funeral expenses not to fucking pocket from it. When I found out that his new wife is paying for all 3. I knew exactly what her intentions are. He cheats on her relentlessly but she won't budge for the sake waiting for her lumpsum. I told my husband that when his father does pass away, I don't think any of the life insurance money she's paying for will go towards his funeral. She will expect his kids to pay out of their pocket. If that day does come, they're NOT getting a dime from us! #Greedy #Lifeinsurance #GuiltTrip

So, while we were together I had been suggesting/ encouraging/ hinting to my ex bf the need for some supportive therapy to what he had been resistant to go to claiming it never works for him and that had tried several forms but never saw therapists as someone caring but just someone watching the clock to cut him short. He had learn to manipulate professionals and cry to make them believe what he thought they wanted to hear and out the door he went. They yrs if perfecting this, him mental/ communication/ burts if violence and disdain have sky rocketed.. to the point there was lying and him recognizing that he hid many things from me to “ protect me”. Many events of Over dosing/ blaming/ rehashing the past and really making himself look like the victim. All or nothing type of mentality but always there for you if needed just made everything very check mark like and many things felt fake.. forced just to get to what he wanted.
I’ve been thru some therapy bc he put me thru some emotional drama nobody in a healthy living relationship should go through. But, in any case, why do I feel guilty about not knowing how to act around major suicidal-,explosive destructive behavior, also offering to take him to therapy only for him to scream at me that then I would have to pay for it and that he’d just go to prove me wrong and tell me that he would not be bullied into therapy as a condition to be with someone, that he is tired of doing what people asked him to do and so on. Also, suffers from several medical conditions and have a pharmacy or anything you can think of which I understand it’s a major trigger for depression.
But why do I keep second guessing and feeling bad about it- was like MrJekyl and MrHyde 😞

I received a text this morning letting me know that my uncle (on my dad's side) had had a brain aneurysm and was going to be taken off life support. I then received a call from my mom asking if I was going to be there...I was like "um...no, I have a 2 y/o son to take care of." And she was like "even though your uncle is dying, you're not going to be here?" I can't even with this woman. I had just gone off my meds and I went off. I was shaking and stumbling over my words, but I was not going to let her #GuiltTrip me into doing something I didn't want to do. My uncle wasn't a good man and the family he raised are not good people. I feel the loss, but I'm not going to let it disrupt my life right now. My health comes first (idk why I feel the need to explain this...BPD problems, amirite?)... Then she started #gaslightingme "you don't have to get angry....I was just asking....this is nothing to be so upset about...blah blah blah" so I hung up on her.

#Anxiety #venting #Shame #Guilt

I love my mom. She is kind and has the biggest heart. Anyone who meets her will say that, but she only shows her other side to her family, especially me. She guilt trips me constantly and has been doing it since I was a child. Through intensive psychiatry I know that she is part of the core of my anxiety, that has been there since I was little. Saying this out loud makes me feel so guilty, that’s how much of a hold she has on me. I’m almost 30, married, and live in my own place, but she still gets to me. I tell myself to just ignore her messages, but it makes it worse. I feel like I’m trapped and I don’t know what to do. #Anxiety #Depression #GuiltTrip