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    Words are the silence that can be spoken

    After reading Tara Westover’s “Educated”, Paula Fox’s “Borrowed Finery”, and Alan Cumming’s “Not My Father’s Son”—Jeanette Winterson’s “Why Be Happy When You Can Be Normal?” seemed a natural progression of my literal literary journey through other people’s dysfunctional families.

    Particularly as I have one of those myself.

    I often find myself, leaning into that darkness; conducting a field study of sorts; of the lived experiences of others, to compare against my own. Desperately searching for clues as to how they managed to escape the chaos of familial dysfunction intact, or at least semi intact.

    Doesn’t trauma do that to us all? We seek out answers, explanations, and ways to escape?

    I always found my escape hatch in books, and I can tell that this one is going to be a helluva immersive read. To wit; I’m only on page 8 and already find myself awed by this excerpt:

    “Truth for anyone is a very complex thing.
    There are so many things that we can’t say, because they are too painful. We hope that the things we can say will soothe the rest, or appease it in some way. Stories are compensatory. The world is unfair, unjust, unknowable, out of control.

    When we tell a story we exercise control, but in such a way as to leave a gap, an opening. It is a version, but never the final one. And perhaps we hope that the silences will be heard by someone else, and the story can continue, can be retold.

    When we write we offer the silence as much as the story. Words are the part of silence that can be spoken.”

    Looks like my weekend plans are sorted! What is your current read? 📚

    #MightyBookClub #BookExcerpt #Books #Childhoodtrauma #PTSD #Trauma
    #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder
    #childhoodtraumasurvivor
    #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors
    #Anxiety #Reading #Early Childhood Trauma
    #ChildhoodAbuse #EmotionalAbuse
    #EmotionalNeglect #EmotionalHealth

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    Chameleon Effect in BPD

    A couple of weeks ago I posted what I thought was a cute question on BPD. It had to do with the chameleon effect in BPD.
    For those of us who develope BPD through early life trauma we suffer an identity disfunction. The trauma deeply affects the identity, our ability to regulate and interpret emotions and how we perceive our social interactions. It disrupts the development of who we are by critically damaging our identity and our ability to develope the healthy skills on how we relate to our world.
    The chameleon effect is related to our broken identity. Which also causes us to suffer DID. Our identity is badly damaged making the normal growth and sense of self much harder. So we take on other personalities in order to navigate through life. This isn't the usual growth of finding a trait we admire in an other and adapting it to ourselves. We take on parts of other people's personalities when we can't seem to find our own way to being accepted by others. Not just a simple trait. Ive this kind of thing for most of my life. I'm still figuring out to what degree I have been doing this.
    But for me the most common occurrence of the chameleon effect is taking on the personality of someone I'm impressed with in books, movies or TV shows. My inner voice and dialog take on the personality of the character I admired. My inner voice takes on the characters voice and my thinking reflects the characters thinking. On occasion I will actually act and talk like them. It is something I cannot help. Actually the acting and talking I can control. It's the inner voice, dialog and thinking that is hard to control.

    So many people here post about their BPD. I thought a lot of us would be aware of the chameleon effect.

    #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Trauma #Early Childhood Trauma #CPTSD #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #DID

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    Emotionally disturbing

    This may trigger.
    I just woke up from one of my many nightmares. The nightmare showed me that I'm making progress in my therapy. It also made me realize, in a way, the humanity and frailty of my therapist.
    Before each session with my therapist I prepare myself. I do my homework between sessions. I want to make sure that I get the most out of my time with my therapist for both our sakes. But I still feel bad that I have to serve up my worst at each session. So next time i plan on making sure he understands this and that he also knows that I'm constantly making progress and constantly changing. Though often it feels glacially.
    But this also led me to review his behavior and things he says and how I view him. He tries really hard to be a good therapist. And he is. But no matter how hard he tries, some of his issues slip through. He is not perfect. The person I rely upon for my healing is only human. I found this emotionally disturbing. Because this brought me to the first time this happened. When I found out that the person/persons I had to rely on, needed to trust, were not paragons of virtue and deserving of my complete trust. As you can imagine, I started crying.
    No one is perfect. Everyone, at times, will let you down. Some may betray your trust. It is painful to realize. Painful for everyone as everyone has to go through this. But so much more so for people with mental illness and trauma issues.
    I'm not saying this as a revelation. We all realize this. I'm not offering answers or advice. It's just something we all have to go through. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Sitting in bed after one of many nightmares. Sometimes we have to just type it out and share it on a message board hoping that our experiences shared can help ourselves and maybe someone else who reads it. Wishing you all the best, a good nights sleep without having the long dark night of the soul. But for many of us, that's what we have. Until we heal.

    #CPTSD #Trauma #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #ChidlhoodTrauma #Early Childhood Trauma #DID #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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    A self reminder

    I’m trying to remind myself of these things when my inner abused child is crying out for help. #ChildAbuse #CPTSD #CheckInWithMe #Depression #Anxiety #worthless #Early Childhood Trauma

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    Resilience is your birthright! #CPTSD #Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Early Childhood Trauma #ChronicIllness #Hope

    Regardless of the path that you are on, the truth is that you are stronger than you think.

    You are still here, and you've been through tough times. And you have bad days and good ones.

    And still you rise! Congratulations!

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    When what happened long ago still affects you today. We are survivors!

    #Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #EatingDisorders #Early Childhood Trauma

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    What would you like from this group?

    I wanted to take a moment to let all of you know our DMs are always open. If you have an idea, a topic, a story you think would be great for this group please share or let me know if you are unsure. I want all of us to be getting the most from each other, all of you are important 💕 #childhoodtraumasurvivor #Early Childhood Trauma #ChildAbuse

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    Has anyone experienced it yet?

    I’m having a very anxiety filled day. My mind is racing and I’m struggling (once again) with wanting to stay. Stay in my job, in my relationships, in my life.
    One thing my therapist had talked about when it comes to the trauma I’ve experienced and what the therapy and sessions will bring is this moment where there’s a switch- where I will go from having this burden of trauma to it no longer being such. It won’t be gone, but I won’t be tied down anymore.
    It won’t be the thing that influences every thought and action I have, even subconsciously.
    And… my question is has anyone ever had that “switch” moment? And if they would be willing to share something about it. #Anxiety #Lifesucks #Therapy #Early Childhood Trauma

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    Resources for Complex Post Traumatic Disorder #CPTSD #Early Childhood Trauma #ChronicIllness

    In reading through many posts in this forum, I've heard the same theme echoed over and over, a cry for resources.

    Most of us have had the exhausting experience of trying to find a Therapist, Psychiatrist or Social Worker who is specifically trained in dealing with CPTSD.

    Some of you have spoken up about the people who have been there for you, that special, empathetic caregiver who was able to meet your needs. And how wonderful it was to read about your success.

    Unfortunately, the majority of people seem to reflect on the absence of resources and the feelings of hopelessness that arise as a result.

    As someone who has benefitted from a dedicated Trauma Program, both inpatient and outpatient, I thought I'd provide a starting place for those looking for assistance.

    Founded by the author of "The Body Keeps the Score", Bessel Van der Kolk; The Complex Trauma Treatment Network in Boston, Massachusetts has numerous resources.

    Although what they have to provide may not be accessible to everyone, the link I've posted is a great starting point to identify what treatment options are available, types of Therapy that are currently in use and an idea of what to look for when seeking help.

    www.ctttn.org/treatment-centers-affiliates/complex-trauma-tr...

    Remember that you are RESILIENT! And, you have made it this far. Keep up the good work and share your successes and challenges.

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    Smile

    I've always said I lived two lives, one in my head where I am my own over critical overbearing mom. And the other, me trying to smile and take care of others. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder in my early 20s. I struggled accepting that I would have to take meds. I finally got tired of myself and went to psych, got meds, and things mellowed out. Then all of a sudden with a very big a initially good change in my life, my mental health spiraled out of control. Many hospital stays later, I had a new diagnoses, borderline personality disorder. It was a game changer, because there's is a specific treatment, I felt a different hope. A whole field of psychology dedicated to people who have had extreme trauma, because that's the only way to develop this disorder. I finally had something to give myself a break, that I wasn't this evil person who was out of control, and wasn't the bad person I felt I was because of how I could hurt people. DBT therapy was and has been out of my comfort zone, but it's much more rewarding and pleasant than being frozen in fear. I hope to be able to give hope to others who are battling this disorder like I am. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CPTSD #PTSD #Anxiety #Early Childhood Trauma

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