The Benifits I See So Far… #MentalHealth #Fibromyalgia #Anxiety #ChronicFatigue
It’s been around 3 weeks in which my powerchair arrived.
I’ve wanted to share some benifits I’ve seen in myself plus some not so great things that have come along with it:
Pros:
1. I have less pain overall.
Especially in my touchy spots that have regular pain.
2. My brain came back! After being lost in Fibro Fog for many years…it finally made its way back to shore. I’ve realised that exercise (for me personally) greatly made migraines and brain fog worse.
Now, that it doesn’t take a huge amount of physical effort and pain to do normal tasks…my brain came back to think things with me. I thought I lost him forever!
3. I am capable of living life!
For the last year especially I did very little apart from lay in bed. I was depressed and never felt that I could have any independence for myself because I never had the strength to do the things I personally wanted to do.
My mind was willing, but I never had the strength or stamina to execute my plans.
4. I’m planning future independence because now I know I can…
Cons:
1. Feeling not disabled enough for a powerchair.
I’m stuck in this grey area where I feel too disabled to be normal but not disabled enough to be considered disabled.
2. Imposter Syndrome!
I keep thinking that I’m just not trying hard enough. That I’m lying about my fatigue etc…even though it’s been diagnosed twice!
I keep thinking I could do all the new things I’ve been doing if I only tried hard enough, which I know is untrue.
3. Feeling like I have to justify using a powerchair and I relay my entire life story to strangers so they won’t think I’m being an idiot or lazy!
4. And finally mourning who I used to be. Don’t get me wrong I’m thankful for my elevated independence but I do mourn who I used to be. Before everything, the Fibromyalgia the Anorexia etc…
I live in the same area in which I spent the later part of my teen years…and everywhere I look there is a memory of who I once was. I’ve never allowed myself to mourn, or even process how I truly felt about nearly dying from Anorexia in 2012.
I just carried on…some feelings I have are too deep for words and only God and I can truly experience them.
Anyways that’s all for now!
I hope you all have a Happy Sabbath tomorrow to any fellow Adventists…and a lovely weekend to all the Mighties! 🥰❤️💕🦄🌠 God Bless