LostLove

Well I have a habit of ruining the beat things in my life. I recently got out of a four year relationship with the love of my life. I was so depressed I neglected her and we grew distant. We kept going back and forth, opening up and the other closing off. Our problems really started about 10 months ago..... our communication broke down completely, and with that I became bitter. I was doing everything I could to fix myself and my relationship. As time went on she withdrew more and more, as such I blamed myself for everything. I hate myself, I was so blind and in that blindness I grew angry, angry that I wasn't good enough. Angry that when Im upset I do the worst possible thing I can every time. And argument would turn into venom and I didn't want to....... I hate myself for my lack of self control. Even on your good days, one thing would make me feel worthless and I would question everything. The more questions, the more everything got diverted and more and more bitterness grew. Now the love of my life, is no longer a part of my life and I want to die. I can't as i have goals but this empty pit, this unsatisfied thirst. I want her and I want to fix us...... im broken and even though she played her part and helped things along I know im to blame when it comes to finishing blows. I become so sorrowful and empty I try to fill it..... but everything feels wrong, I didn't want this...... #LostLove #Regression

In 2017 I Met Someone, We Became Good Friends. That Friendship was Rare for Me... it Became strong Connection to Being FWB... for some reason we could not Break the Strong Connection we had... (And Of course We had Argument, fights, Days without talking.) I Even Helped Her with Finance and Was Able to keep the Roof Over her & the Kids.. (saved from court order to Leave property)
In 2019 Dec.. I went away for 4 Months... And while I was away Every Day I used to Call Her....

But Wen I Came home after 4 Months...to Find out that She Had Already Moved On with Another Man...

She Dint Want Anything To Do With Me WaTsOeVeR....

I HAVE BEEN DOWN, BROKEN, STRUGGLING SINCE, TRYING TO FIND ANSWERS & REASON

When you thought you had a friend but once more turns out you don't
:/ people are weird. They never truly mean whet they say anymore. Only the rare few are worth my time. So all those who think they know me. Haha I laugh at you because you know nothing. Im better without you then having you lie and pretend to be something to me your really not.
This was the last thing he said before it was too late for anyone to realize he needed HELP 😞 I never knew
I should have
I’m sorry I wasn’t there

I lost my partner to a Visa situation about two months ago and I've missed him terribly since with the idea we were never going to see each other again. That is likely still the case but I found out last night he is considering re-applying to school here (he lost his Visa after depression ruined his grades and he got kicked out of school and he's been trying to appeal it). Maybe he's technically re-appealing as he has one more chance. I felt the first real hope I've felt in a long while, since before this entire issue came to be but now I feel extremely guilty for caring so much because I've been told by my family I should just be happy without a relationship. I feel like every moment I spend thinking about him is bad and I should hate myself and I don't know what to do. I miss him but I just don't know. I even played guitar for the first time in forever but now I'm regretting it like I just ate a bag of sugary candy and my stomach hurts.
Any suggestions?

Two months after a break-up with my first relationship that lasted more than 8 weeks (we were together a year), I'm now struggling to get him out of my mind. All of the memories, the sweet things, the nice things and compliments. One minute I love him and want him back, the next I hate him. One thing is for sure it friggin sucks and I'm struggling with managing myself each day.

What chathartic exercises do you do in my position? What positive coping mechanisms do you have? How do you cope with and get out the intense feelings? When distractions arent distracting enough, how do you occupy your mind? #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #personalitydisorder #DarkDay #NegativeThoughts #copingstrategies #Anxiety #Depression #LostLove #theblackdog