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Ending Of a Toxicship

It’s become clear that this whatevership has to come to an end. It’s the most toxic relationship that I’ve ever been in and it’s never going to change. You have to cut it off completely is the only way a narcissist will get it. For so long I’ve endured abuse after abuse for the privilege of this person noticing me. What I didn’t realize is that this person likes when I’m in crisis and he can play the big white savior but the savior isn’t invested in my well being he’s invested in my perpetual crisis and will facilitate one so that he can get his fix of look at me how good I am. This is a __ship that should’ve never happened. I was warned to not ever date this person. He’s incapable of any type of relationship other than a toxic one. He only dates unavailable men. Married men, committed men, closeted men, toxic men etc. He’s 64 and is miserable because he doesn’t know who he is. I see him clearly and I don’t want anymore, this September will mark the end of this toxic ship and I won’t ever be coming back not in anyway shape or form. We’re Done, so done we need a new word for done. #Toxic #relationship #narcisstic #Abuse #gaymen #Trauma

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Needing the Approval of My Parents and Relatives - My Story.

I was raised around expectations. Expectations which were applied, defined, and constantly used to create comparisons between others.

I found that not only were these expectations being created, they were being used to define my relationship with people, in my family.

Relatives who weren’t part of this discourse would use it to define me before they even spoke to me. I was defined and labelled by relatives when I hadn’t even discussed things with them.

This definition and expectation would lead to bullying from elder members of the family. I faced bullying from my narcissistic aunt, for my weight, looks, the way I spoke, my academic performance, intellect, dressing sense, and personality.

This bullying was validated and used by other relatives to define me as a person. I was used as a means of definition, nothing more. It was quite odd to see people choose to bully and relegate others as a consequence of their own narcissistic behaviours.

I think that the expectations that had been set up were from narcisstic, jealous people that saw it intolerable to exist without labelling the world around them according to their expectations and standards.

Labelling set up the issue of being targeted by relatives for my weight, looks, performance in school, religious worship, domestic chores, and other activities. It was silly and frankly, utterly stupid that a narcissistic standard was being applied to define people.

I felt utterly humiliated by thr bullying. It made me feel socially anxious and dependent on the approval of the narcisstic standards in order to avoid being subject to further acts of bullying.

The bullying was painful for me, as I had trusted the people it had come from blindly. I had believed that as relatives, they would behave in a civil way towards me. Yet, I found that the people I believed would be civil towards me were the opposite.

They were narcisstic and pathetic in their standards. Their miserable lives had been caused by their own narcisstic definitions of reality, which they used to define themselves with. It then became a matter of attempting to remove the so called “flaws” to live a life that was not in opposition to the rules they had set up.

These rules were ableist, colorist, classist, fat phobic, misogynistic and right wing. Not only was there no intellectual or healthy discourse in family gatherings, everything revolved around toxic, narcisstic standards.

I align with the left wing, and am not classist, I believe in racial equality as a brown person of color, as a person that is autistic, and a person who has a stake in the health at every size movement.

I don’t and will never be party to the highly narcisstic and toxic values perpetuated by these toxic people.

It is my responsibility to remove these toxic people from my life and I will work to remove them and their standards from my life.



EMDR and Brainspotting Advice??!

Does anyone know what #emdr or #brainspotting is? I’m scheduled to talk to a therapist this week and I see that she specializes in both. I figure it’s something she will suggest but it’s a little confusing and I have mixed thoughts about it.

Do you relive your traumas with EMDR? Why in the world would I want to do that? I’ve never gone through anything SUPER traumatic, but why would I want to revisit anything unpleasant? I’m a survivor of verbal and physociological abuse (from my husband and mother in law) and am just now getting over the things that were said and done to me. Im just barley at the point where I can go a few days without getting extreme anxiety or depression...wouldn’t reliving everything just set me back??

Help!! Any thoughts/info/experiences would be much appreciated!

#emdrtherapy #gaslight #gaslight #narcisstic abuse survivor #Gaslighting #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #narcissism #narcissists #narcissistabuse #Therapist #Therapy #Counseling #Depression


I’m just wanting some feedback/ advice ##narcisstic partner ##dissmissiveAvoidant #control Issues #BPD male

Im just wondering how to approach a situation where a partner can never take any constructive ( even playful and kindly worded) feedback/ criticism of their actions or cannot be told a correct fact without getting defensive & verbally trying to diss & devalue my tertiary double degree in the exact topic being discussed..... he always does this and never says sorry just annihilates verbally +ghosts me and tries to justify it when I call him on how hurt he makes me feel.... 😔it’s like he needs to put me down because although double degree qualified....I have mental illness 😪