Poem: Have To Get By
#AutismSpectrumDisorder #neurodivergence #Depression #Anxiety
Have to get by to deal in this world.
Wake up.
Sweater and pants are safe.
Straight down the steps to have a good day.
Banana is gone—
Oh no. Not okay.
Listen to others, but still feel afraid.
Do they want me to smile?
Or just to behave?
Coffee shop now.
Fear might be over.
In my head I’m numb—
And then I’m ashamed.
Go to my car.
Stay there a while.
Make it a space
for my thoughts to unpile.
Write down a word.
Hear a good song.
Let the tears flow
so later you’ll be strong.
Have to get by to deal in this world.
Too different to cope.
Too deep to comply.
Outraged by fault.
Injured by a lie.
Shake me.
Make me.
What do you need?
Okay, I’ll be that.
I’ll follow your lead.
Now that I’m broken into these pieces,
Can I please
have some space
to explain my reasons?
Have to get by to deal in this world.
Turn right.
Turn left.
Which way is left?
Run past the tree where you took a breath.
Feet in my shoes—
Legs are crippling.
Stability lost.
Reality shifting.
Best not to stop.
Keep moving forward.
Too many voices,
stifling morals.
Tell me.
Yell at me.
What to do.
Pressure rising—
Give me a few.
Have to get by to deal in this world.
Unscathed.
Erased.
Undeterred.