I'm hoping to create a presentation on routine creation & maintenance for the neurodivergent support group I run on campus. Does anyone have any good resources & or advice they would be willing to share? #ADHD #Autism #neurodivergence #Neurodiversity #NonverbalLearningDisability #MentalHealth
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For background, I have nonverbal learning disability (disclosure went amazingly well), life-long anxiety, and depression that started at puberty (managed very well on medication) and was in therapy, but haven't been in almost 3 years; my last appointment was January 2020, and Covid hit in March, and I haven't felt the need to go back.
I started my new job about 6 weeks ago, and suddenly, things I thought I had mostly worked through years ago, are being triggered like crazy. I've already cried twice and almost a 3rd time, which hasn't happened over "little" things since I started meds back in 2017 (with the rare exception around PMS, which is not a factor this time). One of those was a big thing, but the other wasn't, and today, a completely innocent comment from my favorite manager sent me spinning. I went on medication about a month before I was hired at my last job, which I had for almost 5 years, and the management styles were very different.
I can't tell if this is a typical part of the adjustment period, increased stress, learning curve, new everything etc. if it means this job isn't a good fit, I just need to go back to therapy (which I probably should anyway), or if I need to consider a medication adjustment. I know only I can figure it out, but thoughts? #Disability #Depression #Anxiety #neurodivergence #Employment
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Somehow I ended up being the only employee scheduled late with two managers and the security guard. I literally did the same thing the entire time, which I'm totally fine with, I got to leave early because the one manager had been there for 15 hours and was ready to leave. I impressed them both with how much I managed to get done, told them about my almost 5 years of experience and the story of why I quit, disclosed my disability (which went amazingly well), and let him know I would not be great on a register, but was interested in full-time, if it's still an option. And he said not to feel bad about Friday, it was a chaotic mess and he didn't know what the heck was going on either. I'll be much better when we open and I know what I'm walking into and doing every day, but my nerves are pretty much gone. #Depression #Anxiety #Disability #neurodivergence #Employment
Orientation Wednesday morning assuming the background check goes through in time. And it was the one I was hoping for. But, they're already pulling bait and switch. Why post full-time openings if you're not hiring full-time employees?! Instead, we have to "earn" said full-time since there aren't that many FT positions. And the pay is a lot lower than I had hoped. But, it's a job and worst-case scenario, I can keep looking. #Anxiety #Depression #neurodivergence #Disability #Employment #Employment
I keep telling my mom, who drives me to all these interviews, not to ask me how it went. Because most of the time, I literally have no idea. #neurodivergence is a b**** in that way, I guess the lack of offers is the answer. But, there's probably more to it. I had one today that I think went okay. The store is not the type I usually frequent AT ALL, so it would take some time to adjust. But, I would take an offer. Waiting to hear back about scheduling one that would be a better fit, but there are no guarantees. I've been ghosted at all stages. It's exhausting. #Depression #Anxiety #Employment
I've been unemployed for 9 weeks now, plenty of interviews, no offers. The longer I go without a job, the harder it's going to be to get one and I'm actually running out of options. I look daily and all I see are jobs I'm not qualified for, jobs that pay below what I'm willing to accept with 5 years of experience, or companies that have already rejected me. I'd give up, but I can't afford to. I'd go back to vocational rehab, but they were less than useless the first time. They aren't going to do anything I'm not already doing. I can't blame myself because I had no choice but to quit my job. If I hadn't I would've been fired anyway. Now I'm stuck in an impossible situation and I'm OVER it. #Depression #Anxiety #neurodivergence #Employment #Disability
#Anxiety is fun. Thank God it's about 85% improved on meds. Most of the time it's fine, even with a cup of coffee, maybe two. And sometimes it keeps you awake for no reason. Or because you have an interview the next day. I can't wait until I have a new job and am settled in. Work is stressful, but #unemployment isn't better. Add #Depression and #neurodivergence , and I just want a comfortable routine back.
Growing up undiagnosed, I was always the odd one out. Whether it was my weird quirks, my executive functioning challenges, my daydreaming or simply the fact how I perceived and did everything differently - achieving the same result but choosing the route most people wouldn’t consider and no, my routes usually weren’t shortcuts.
My brain needs logic. My brain needs answers. My brain can’t move on if I don’t have logic or answers. Ironically, at the same time – my brain is hyperactive. It can’t stop working. It jumps from one thing to another, not being able to stop. That is the beauty and sometimes a curse of having ADHD and Autism together. At times, it’s like having two forces working against each other.
On many occasions I remember thinking to myself or sharing with my mother that I wasn’t made for this world. Not that the world was cruel to me. I have been blessed in more ways than I can count but I felt the odd one out. Always. In every situation.
Such a beautiful blue sky. Is it looking blue to everyone? Or is my perception of blue different than others? - My communication differences in terms of interpretations were so stark that I began second guessing everything I was seeing.
Then there was eye contact.
Eye contact was and I guess still is the standard for respectful communication. On the surface, I never had trouble making eye contact. Inside my mind though, I had trouble tracking the conversations because I was forcefully focused on maintaining the eye contact and then the stress of making sure that my non-verbal communication was appropriate. Am I smiling enough? Oh no – my lips are quivering? And then my eye would start blinking rapidly.
I thought I was weird. I started acting like an extrovert to hide my quirks and my challenges with executive functioning. In many cultures, executive functioning challenges of a person who has no visible disability are deemed as laziness or are assigned other such labels.
Now that I know about my neurodivergence – I have extended some grace to myself. I no longer call myself lazy or assign labels to myself that the world once assigned to me.
I understand why I struggle to maintain consistency.
I understand why I forget things.
I understand that sometimes I eat for stimulation – just to keep my brain excited.
I understand why I am unable to do routine tasks that come naturally to most people.
I extend myself grace when my house is messy, or when the sink is full of dirty dishes.
I understand and accept that it’s okay to need help and it’s okay to need support and accommodations.
I know now that my brain works differently and instead of forcing it to be more like other people’s brain, I now want it to be the best version of itself.
Not better or worse than others because it’s not a comparison.
Just the best it can be.
I don’t know whether this post makes sense or not – there are many things I haven’t shared and want to but articulating my personal experiences into words for others to understand is probably one of the hardest things I have done.
Until next time.
#Neurodiversity #Autism #ADHD #actuallyautistic #neurodivergence #mylife #KindTheory #Acceptance #Selfacceptance #myinternalchaos
Picture ID: Photo of a multi-colored beautiful brain representing neurological variants and brain diversity.
Yes, I quit my job without notice and no, I don't regret it. But, after 3 interviews in as many weeks went well enough that I expected an offer, only to end up ghosted, I suspect I'm being blacklisted. I was admittedly one of their best employees for almost 5 years. And yes, quitting without notice comes with consequences, but still. I can't prove it just yet, but I sure as hell wouldn't put it past her after all the reasons I quit in the first place. #Anxiety #anger #Depression #neurodivergence #Employment
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