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Feeling Pretty # BipolarII #Fibromyalgia Chronic Migraines #generalized Anxiety #Depression # OccipitalNeuralgia
So yesterday I dressed up a bit to go to facilitate a peer to peer mental health group. It is a very casual setting and most of the time we are all dressed in jeans and comfy tops, T-shirts and the like. I was feeling good and wanted to look good too. It was a fun change. When I got home I took a picture of myself in my full length bathroom mirror (I didn't have anyone who could take a picture at the time). I liked it. I sent the picture to my daughter and she really liked it. Then I began wondering what the heck I was thinking. As we do, I systematically tore my looks to bits. I've inwardly cringed, thinking about what others must think when they look at me. I'm not one of the beautiful people! Today, I began my day by not wanting to even go outside... I must be hideous! I was embarrassed. But then I realized something: I not only was letting echoes of my Step-Father's voice that told me how ugly I was get to me even after all of these years, but allowing my mental illness to control my own self esteem. I would never talk to a friend the way I was talking to myself! I would point out all of the good qualities in her picture and in life! I would build her up, not tear her down, so what was I doing?! I don't know why we do these terrible things to ourselves. I'm worthy of self love, self appreciation. I restarted my thoughts with realizing I'm not hideous; small children don't laugh at me, dogs don't bark and try to run away when I approach. My looks are fine. My beauty is in my soul... right where it should be. I hope you have a wonderful day and accept yourself as you are.
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