Psychosis

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Psychosis
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    Community Voices

    I always wonder how long I've been broken for... #Childhood

    Whether it was the first time I stepped into a classroom and anxiety led me to throw up on my new shoes.
    Perhaps it was the confusion that consumed me when confronted with other children my age socialising as if they've been friends forever when to little sheltered me they were strangers who I was taught to be afraid of, taught that I didn't belong.
    Maybe I started to break as soon as I hit my teens: where an evil presence lurked in every corner, an evil that looked like me. #MentalHealth #Psychosis

    Community Voices

    I really want to become independent and live my own life

    I really want to have my drivers permit and drivers license. I can’t take the permit test online because I passed 16. I have to do it all the office and I don’t want to fail. I am afraid if I don’t pass, I really want this so I could be happy. I just want to get it over with and become independent. Have my own nice car, go out everyday and enjoy life. Can you guys please pray that I get my drivers permit and license and I pass both tests successfully. Send me your hopes and wishes that I get this. It would mean the world to me. Please and thank you. #CheckInWithMe #Trauma #MentalHealth #PTSD #Suicide #Selfharm #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Psychosis

    Community Voices

    This for all of you on here. I wish you the best.

    To everyone on here I hope you find the kind of happiness you are seeking and live a long life full of joyful memories. I hope you wake up each morning with purpose and look forward to what is ahead. I hope what is ahead for you is only good and will give you fulfillment. I hope everyday only gets better for each one of you on here. I wish you all the very best.

    #MentalHealth #SocialAnxiety #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Depression #Trauma #Suicide #Selfharm #Psychosis #Disability #MightyTogether #ChronicIllness #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders

    10 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    it would the world to me if all of you on here rewrote this letter to me for my birthday coming up and meant it.

    Dear Samantha,

    You deserve the very best and to get all that you want. All your dreams and desires will come true. I wish that you get everything you want and live a life beyond your wildest dreams.

    #Birthday #CheckInWithMe #Trauma #Suicide #Selfharm #Depression #Disability #Anxiety #Psychosis #Schizophrenia #PTSD #SchizophreniaSpectrumPsychoticDisorders #MentalHealth #Hope #Faith #dreams #MightyTogether

    4 people are talking about this
    Erica Camp

    How PTSD Can Affect Attachment Styles in the Workplace

    Attachment to people can be really strange with people who have mental illness. This shows up at work especially to me because I have been with the company for nine years. I have built up a lot of relationships and have had a lot of feelings leaving the company. It seems impossible for me not to keep in touch with people. I am in a constant struggle not to press too hard for a response, and the anxiety that if they do not respond, our relationship is cut off. This is particularly weird for me because in my personal life, it is astoundingly easy to cut people out of my life. But work is a beast. I have enjoyed validation throughout my career, especially when it comes to accomplishing goals and providing an environment conducive to productivity. From a psychological standpoint, validation and needs remind me of John Bowlby’s extensive research on the concept of attachment. He talks about not only the different kinds of attachment styles, but the psychological need for connectedness. Most attachment styles show up in childhood, in a child’s relationship to their caregiver. Since I come from an abusive background, I am ill equipped to maintain relationships without either being anxious about the future of my relationships or avoidant as to protect the vulnerability. This mainly presents with fearful-avoidant attachment characteristics because I am attached, but I do my best to make sure this person does not realize how far that attachment goes. This creates a work environment where I could suddenly become cold or suddenly very needy for validation. Part of the fearful-avoidant attachment style that really spoke to me was how as adults, we can become very distraught when relationships end. I find this especially hard at work because many of these people in the last three years have seen me have flashbacks, severe panic attacks, psychosis, and healing. As someone who lives with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), along with other mental illnesses, this reminds me strongly of my childhood because of the breaking of my relationships with certain family members. As I have grown as an adult, the anxiety of a broken relationship has just intensified to anyone I become just slightly attached to. But I saw this especially with those who I have opened up to and now have me on read. To me, I gave a part of myself to you that I expect you to keep safe. Which translates to, if you ignore me, you aren’t keeping me safe. The goal in my journey is to become securely attached, which is obviously the ultimate attachment style, hence the “securely.” I trust my husband absolutely, but when he leaves for work or to do anything without me, there is a considerable amount of distress for me because of my attachment style. I’d love to work on having a secure attachment where I take comfort when he returns but am secure enough that he leaves. These people tend to seek out social support, which I tend to be good at because I constantly reach out to friends. But when I am rejected, it is a harder blow to handle. Avoidant attachment style sounds like it is. They tend to avoid situations, relationships, and invest little emotion in their partners, coworkers, or anything social. This idea of having difficulty with intimacy sounds like it would suit me well, however, the fact I have a strong need to connect and get validation from other people doesn’t quite match up. When I first become acquainted with someone, it is extremely hard for myself to showcase my best qualities. I tend to be more reserved with people, I talk less, and I am not open to conversations that might trigger a response from me. One of the worst things a person can do in this situation is press me, even if you know me, to open up to other people. Trust me in this, I do try. The thing about these attachment styles is that I can see myself a little bit in each one. Therefore, I chose the two mixed together: anxious/avoidant attachment style, which translates to fearful-avoidant attachment style. Anxious attachment style is probably a close second and one that is easy for me to slip into. There is a deep fear of abandonment and I can see this every day. I expect a response from people, not right away, but I assume that they need the same time of emotion that I am pouring into them. I do not worry about my husband leaving me, but I do fear that my coworkers will leave me or I suddenly don’t have the support of a friend. I need a lot of support and I feel almost selfish that I require a lot from those around me. The hardest part is feeling very secure in my relationship with my husband and his family, yet fearful-avoidant with everyone else who isn’t in my inner circle, like friends, coworkers, certain family members, and myself. Sometimes I am the problem, which is where mental illness comes in. PTSD can trick you into believing that you were at fault for the damage inflicted. I am the “bad” person for breaking my relationship to someone who was toxic and causing me serious harm. The need for approval from other sources like job performance, “fitting” in, and my likability. The good news is through therapy I have grown more securely attached to my husband, but like everything, it is a work in progress. I hope for the next months after leaving my job that I will find it easier to have a secure attachment style instead of having those toxic traits of which I already had formed a habit.

    Community Voices

    Somebody Call 911

    <p>Somebody Call 911</p>
    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices
    Shel
    Community Voices

    My letter to me

    Dear me,

    You deserve the best. You deserve to have what you want and always be the best version of yourself. You deserve to be only around people who see your worth and value. Never run after a man. Let them all chase you. You are special, unique, and one of a kind. Don’t hang out with people who don’t make you feel that way. Always set your standards high and take care of yourself. You deserve happiness, fulfillment, to live a life you want and enjoy waking up to each morning.

    You are worthy of all you want

    #CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Disability #Trauma #Depression #Suicide #Selfharm #Psychosis #BipolarDisorder #Schizophrenia #Anxiety #PTSD

    6 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    How do I accept a schizoaffective diagnosis?

    I feel like the world is dictating what I should believe in and without my thoughts being considered. In this case I'm made to accept this diagnosis after years of differing diagnoses which I did speak up about; I feel I can't say anymore because a small part of me does believe it. #Psychosis #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Schizophrenia

    6 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Journal for the day

    I feel like it’s hard for me to relate to anyone… don’t really have a fandom or anything like that I follow… I’m just not interested. It’s hard for me to get excited about things like I used to ever since my psychosis.

    I also feel like I live passively like I’m always the passenger in my own life. It’s hard for me to take control and make my own decisions. When I do they’re not the best, risky. Maybe it’s my codependency issues? I’m not sure. It’s hard for me to find my own company enjoyable, I hate being alone most days but I also don’t mind it as I don’t have to worry about making conversation or feeling uninteresting or weird. I spend my time talking to friends I meet on friendship apps, mostly, trying to foster connection.

    I don’t really mind not driving… it’s not having a sense of direction that bothers me, a lack of awareness. I couldn’t tell you how I got here today without a gps. My mom is the same way, even with short distances. My aunt in fact doesn’t drive because of this issue and visual impairment due to adhd. The thought of being behind the wheel terrifies me. I feel I’m not even behind the wheel of my own life a lot of days. I’m scared of responsibility.

    I’ve been carried through my traumatic life I feel passively and my family has always been there to support me. I can’t imagine living on my own. Not only cant I financially afford it but also having all the responsibility fall on me I couldn’t manage it. I often feel lost and confused and overwhelmed by my adult life. Everything feels so extremely difficult, even as simple as waking up on time. Not to mention managing bills and maintaining cleanliness. It’s been difficult feeding myself as well, I feel I may have an eating disorder. I dread the prep and clean up process. So I’ve been sticking to quick meals, but also I don’t have much groceries left. So it’s difficult figuring what to eat everyday, especially when I’m in a hurry.

    For this reason the thought of having children terrifies me. I can hardly take care of myself let alone my dog. I feel like I’ll end up like my Aunt, who doesn’t drive and is married with no kids. I’ve always thought I’d want kids but maybe I just need to focus on myself right now. I honestly don’t even know what kind of career I’m interested in I feel like I don’t know who I am apart from surviving.

    When I’m in critical situations I feel more at ease than regular day to day life scenarios, because of the lack of control I find peace. Rather than having control and having to be responsible. #Journal #Psychosis #MajorDepressiveDisorder