Psychosis

I am starting to return to normal after my relapse. Things were a blur, I was unable to take care of any responsibilities for the past 4 days or so. The friend I was going to reconcile with, I don't even know if I would be able to trust her. I do want friendship, but I am starting to believe that a new start in that area would be best, as opposed to attempting to put trust in someone who I likely stopped trusting for a reason.

Today is my adoptive mother's birthday. The only mother I know, but we are no contact and this will be the first birthday of hers that I don't reach out. I feel guilt because I am loyal, and perhaps overly forgiving of the things that she had done, perhaps because of some deep need or desire to have a motherly figure in my life but I am old enough now to nurture myself and realize that there is no point in a warm hug if it comes with a stab in the back.

For the most part though I am calm, even though our downstairs neighbor has decided to scorn the whole building and blast the same 5 VERY overplayed songs on repeat since 3pm yesterday until 5 pm today. It is quiet now so hopefully it is over but I'd be lying if I claimed to not be overstimulated and almost driven to madness because of it, not enraged or anything but my head hurts from the relentless repetition. It's quiet now and I hope it stays that way, we didn't knock on his door but left a note and could hear him saying "F U" again and again for a while once he found it, plus turning the music up. He seems in some sort of psychosis and volatile state so i just hope that he burns himself out and calms down so I can calibrate myself enough to get some work done today.

I hope you're all having a peaceful weekend 🌸

#MentalHealth #Anxiety #ChronicDailyHeadache #PTSD #AddictionRecovery

Day 24: Wear your favourite shirt

This one was harder than I was expecting. My washing machine quit on me a few days ago and I am currently without a way to do laundry. It’s loads of stress I don’t need and it has to be right before Christmas as well doesn’t it?

I’ve finally ordered a new washing machine and I’ll be able to do laundry again on the weekend. Laundry is the one household chore I don’t actually mind. I hate putting laundry out though, but I do like doing laundry.

I can’t believe I’ve been able to cope with all this. My psychosis made me go a bit wonky at first, but I’m ok and I haven’t done anything stupid. Hopefully.

As for not having clean clothes, well I’m ill and it be like that sometimes. ;)

#52SmallThings #Selfcare

Day 21: Make a list of what makes you happy.

This is harder than it should be for me. The problem is that a lot of the things that make me happy, I can’t do anymore because of my health. Things like creative writing, and books, and peacefully listening to ocean or rain sounds. Even my pets.

But if I think about who I was before I had psychosis, the things that make me happy are writing, reading, books, libraries, food, coffee, chocolate, pizza, pasta, tea, my dog, my cat, animals in general, the ocean, the sound of rain, music, gaming and so much more. These are all superficial things though, my head is too busy and loud and muggy and tired to think about the deeper things like love and kindness. But those things make me happy too.

#52SmallThings #Selfcare

Years ago my dad put me on a weight loss medication called Adipex and it made me lose all the weight but it caused me to breakout all over my face now my face is full of marks but on the bright side I am going to a dermatologist now. I gained back the weight even more now. I hope to never go back on any pills that make me breakout on my face that made me feel so embarrassed. Does anyone know how I can lose the weight quickly and safely? I am on medications for mental illness and they make me feel hungry. I just want to lose the weight naturally. It’s hard because both of my parents are diabetic and my mom likes to feed me. It would mean the world to me if I lost all this weight naturally forever and kept off all the unwanted weight forever
#CheckInWithMe #MightyTogether #Disability #Obesity #ChronicIllness #Trauma #Selfharm #Suicide #BipolarDisorder #Schizophrenia #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #Addiction #Anxiety #Psychosis #Autism #ADHD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Day 18: Listen to nature sounds for 10 minutes

I’m a day late posting this. I listened to rain sounds for 10 minutes last night while trying to read. Psychosis makes reading hard, and the rain sounds helped a bit. It helps drown out the noise in my head, and reading is a bit less hard.

I like listening to ocean sounds while falling asleep as well.

#52SmallThings #Selfcare #challenge

May everyday be filled with everything that makes you happy and everything that you want. May you always live your best life and do everything your heart desires. Love you all! <3 #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Bipolar2 #BipolarDisorder #Psychosis #Epilepsy #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Schizophrenia #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Diabetes #DiabetesType1 #SuicidalThoughts #Suicide #Selfharm #SocialAnxiety #SuicidalThoughts #PTSD #PanicDisorder #ADHD #PanicAttack #PanicAttacks #dissociativedisorders #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Autism #DownSyndrome #ChronicIllness #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicPain #CheerMeOn #MightyTogether #Mania #MajorDepressiveDisorder

Day 12: Do one chore you’ve been putting off.

I did a load of laundry that was well overdue. I like doing laundry, but I lose track of time because of my psychosis. So a pile of laundry built up and I only noticed today.

I like doing laundry, but I hate putting the washing out, even indoors in my flat. Otherwise, I don’t mind doing laundry.

No one needs to see my laundry, clean or otherwise, so there’s no photo today.

#52SmallThings #Selfcare

I was in a bad place last Tuesday. Deep depression was kicking my ass. I managed to get out of it. My big wins are staying out of the hospital. It takes lot of strength to get out of bed during a depressive episode. I opened up to my friend for the first time telling her I needed help. My thoughts were telling me to do harm to myself. My therapist was gone the whole week because of Thanksgiving. Last week my depression started on Monday and got worse on Tuesday. I had strength to work through my depression.