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    Community Voices

    Learning

    Each day is a new opportunity to learn about yourself.

    Today I learned that my Disorganized/Fearful attachment style and my people pleasing are connected. That my trauma driven behaviors are actually the result of my attachment style.

    If you are curious and want to know what your style is, there are tons of quizzes online.

    I suggest taking one. It changed my perspective and helped me to understand what I need to change. I need to be more trusting and more mindful in my relationships.

    Slowly, I am learning what drives my behaviors and the more I know the more I can heal.

    #Trauma #PTSD #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #suicideattemptsurvivor #selfharmsurvivor #Healing #learning #attachment

    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Age matters where trauma is concerned. But why?

    <p>Age matters where <a href="https://themighty.com/topic/trauma/?label=trauma" class="tm-embed-link  tm-autolink health-map" data-id="5b23cec300553f33fe99e90c" data-name="trauma" title="trauma" target="_blank">trauma</a> is concerned. But why?</p>
    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    What is your attachment style?

    <p>What is your attachment style?</p>
    7 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Nowhere to go from here

    <p>Nowhere to go from here</p>
    34 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    To love bomb and to ghost #Love #ghost #attachment #crush #Selfworth

    I recently got myself out of a toxic “situationship” because I finally realized that I was suffering. This is actually a really big step for me because in the past I would rather be depressed than be without said persons company… In the beginning of this situationship I had zero interest in the person and he checked none of my boxes; he spoke about women in such a degrading manner, and he’s hot and cold. This means that he would be very present, sweet, and thoughtful for a few weeks and then ghost me without reason for the next few weeks. I was so desperate for his attention that when he came back I’d welcome him with open arms. This is actually called “Love bombing” and trust me, it hurts. Now, because I convinced myself that my attachment to him was a crush, I did everything in my power to justify his manipulation!! This is until I realized that he was going out of his way to ignore me. After he played this trick 2 times, the 3rd is where I realized my worth. Well… not really. Uhm… it took him telling me that he didn’t want a relationship and saying that he flirts with everyone for it to snap in my head. Even then, I assumed “Hey, we could still be friends! The bestest of friends in fact”. We even called each other “Bestie”. But then the cycle continued and the love bomb + ghost tactic started again so I took back my power and completely cut him off. Not officially, there was no “We’re no longer friends” conversation, but now I don’t allow him in my bubble. He no longer has access to me. I ignore his messages and attempts at conversation + physical contact and I feel good about it: relieved. But with my overthinking here comes the question — does he even care that I cut him off? And that breaks my heart hurt because I’ve been dealing with him for 6 months... SIX! And this urges the other questions — was I imagining the love bombing? Was he just being nice?? NO WAY, I won’t accept that. If I searched up “How to know if someone likes you” he’d check every singular box. This entire thing makes me SO angry because just as I would start letting my guard down and slowly lifting that physical barrier (platonically of course), that’s when he would ghost me. This is why my guard is make of bricks and cement. I’m so scared of people leaving and taking a piece of me with them but then again relationships are about sacrifice… right? But why would I sacrifice my mental and emotional well being for anyone??? Even those that I know would never leave… and that’s the problem. Thanks dad.

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    The heart of all

    During the months when I am losing my mother (I don't know what will remain of me afterwards), I feel I touch the core of the BPD problem: the constant and pervasive state of partial detachment from one's life and the expectation that sooner or later someone else will appear to deal with it instead of us, to give us instructions about what to do with it. Life does not belong to us and we do not belong to life which for others is so clear that it belongs to us. Feet do not weigh on the earth and hands do not grasp what we need, The ability to grasp our life, that's what we miss. This is why we find it so difficult and wasteful of energy to do something coherent to build a life, to take care of it. For this, we become addicted because we are waiting. The origin? Bad emotional communication from which we defended ourselves with a sense of detachment, with a readiness not to let us belong. And now that the one who wanted to decide for me the meaning of (my) things and (my) emotions is dying, I must urgently learn to die before I have ever learned to live. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #DBT #dependency #attachment #LosingAParent #Borderline depression

    Community Voices

    *sigh* 🥺😭 Why is it that we feel the need to pretend to be okay?

    <p>*sigh* 🥺😭 Why is it that we feel the need to pretend to be okay?</p>
    1 person is talking about this
    Community Voices

    I have never experienced a flashback...my two best friends in residential had multiple a day sometimes. The totally disassociated, not present...and terrified. I recently heard about emotional flashbacks and it was terribly validating. Essentially it’s when you’re triggered by something and “flashback” to an experience from your past and you’re living like you’re there all over again. I’m present in reality but not there’s a part of me that’s not. The younger part of me that’s still hurt and afraid. It’s like the same threat is happening now. I’m afraid I will be abandoned because you don’t agree, don’t like my opinion or ideas, or just because I’m not good enough. #Flashbacks #Trauma #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #attachment #FearOfAbandonment

    1 person is talking about this
    Community Voices
    la

    Hello everyone! I’ve received such great support on here before I thought I could reach out again. I have very bad anxiety which gets a lot worse when I am on my own (sure many of you can relate!) I have to spend tonight on my own and it’s very easy for my to spiral. I have a new book and crafts to keep me busy I hope to do some baking watch a film and maybe speak to some people from here? Just wondered if anyone had any tips as I try to do all the right things but sometimes when anxiety takes hold I feel I can’t do anything and end up just sitting on the sofa shaking and feeling awful. Also please let me know if you are available tonight for a conversation tonight as I would love to have someone to talk to. Thank you so much 😊

    2 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    Attachment Issues

    I was always the one who kept people together, who smoothed things over, who created a reason to meet. I was always the one who loved tradition and sentimentality and connections to my ancestors. I was always the one who gave and gave and gave to anyone who needed me.

    But now, I rarely respond to messages. I forget everyone's birthdays. I hide away from get-togethers (thanks for the excuse, covid!). I throw out family heirloom trinkets. I feel no attachment to anyone.

    For a number of years, I didn't feel the attachment, but I still acted as if it was there. Now I'm just tired of the acting and I don't care anymore. I've stopped bothering to apologize for failing to connect with people. I've deliberately isolated myself. Though I feel dead and empty inside, at least I'm not triggered and anxious and distrustful.

    It feels better to just preemptively isolate than to hurt people by responding to a trigger. Isn't it just better for both of us if that hurt never happens?

    My nephews recently asked about my favourite book and favourite song and I felt the flashbacks coming on. What do you do when you can't even feel safe with innocent children?

    Moving to this city just a few months before covid lockdowns started has not served my attachment issues well. At one point, we were being advised to only socialize with our "safe six" - but if you're the new kid in town, you are not going to be included in anyone's inner group of six close friends. Now we're just not supposed to socialize at all outside of our households, and I live alone.

    Things aren't great with my parents right now, so I don't even want to talk to any other family members who might pass on details about my life to them. And no, some family members will not respect boundaries if I ask them to keep things to themselves.

    One of my main sources of socializing was always the church, but with them shut down right now, on top of feeling like I'm losing my faith due to spiritual abuse fallout, that isn't happening. I don't know how to have a conversation with any Christian themes that won't feel triggering, so I don't know how to try to make friends through this online church experience.

    I mean, I feel fine with no attachments to anyone, but I know it isn't healthy. I know I can't keep on living like this. But what am I supposed to do?

    #attachment #attachmentissues #Friendship #Family #Church #Christianity #Lockdown #COVID19 #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #EmotionalAbuse #narcissisticabusesurvivor #spiritualabuse

    5 people are talking about this