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Wide awake #Awake #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #rumination

Ugh I am awake and already worrying about what today will bring. I have a doctors appointment and expect that my anxiety will be high because doctor’s offices do that to me. Not looking forward to high anxiety and the exhaustion that will likely follow. Anyone have anything interesting to share? Inspirational, funny, etc.?? I could use the distraction.

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It's Not My Problem

If someone is selfish/mean/rude to me I need to leave the ownership of it with them. It's their problem. Not mine. As soon as I begin to make it personal I've created a problem for myself. Up until that point it's their problem. Their issue to deal with - or not, as they choose.

When I make it personal, about me, it becomes mine. Then I have to deal with it. And there's no way I can deal with it. Because it's not my problem. The only one that knows why it happened is the other person. They are the only one who can fix it.

I create suffering for myself as soon as I make it about me.

Because it's not about me. It's never about me. People react from their own issues, their own beliefs and feelings. They say and do things based on those beliefs. I don't even know what they are - how could I possibly resolve them?

I am learning to observe more, react less. If I see it as their problem, the reaction becomes less. Because it's not about me, it's about them. As soon as I feel myself begin to react it's a very clear signal that I need to stop and recognise what I'm thinking. Am I blaming myself? Do I think I deserve it? What are the thoughts and beliefs going through my head at that moment?

I need to STOP. I say STOP in my head. I switch the thoughts off. When I feel less threatened I examine the thought that made me react. Maybe I believe I've done something to upset them or their behaviour towards me is justified I some way? That I somehow deserved their anger? I challenge that thought. I remind myself that a thought is not a fact. It's often not even true.

I used to blame myself. I believed it was my fault. Always. When someone was angry I believed I must have made them angry. If they were hurt, I had hurt them. Then I would try to work out what I had done. I would go over it in my head, in an endless loop. I would think about the times we spent together- did I say something? Did I do something? What could it be?

Obsessive thinking (rumination) is part of anxiety. My thoughts would get stuck in a loop, going over and over the same thing, in case I had missed something. I was convinced there was something to find, and if I just looked hard enough I would find it. Because I thought it was my fault. I was caught in an endless trap of pain and hurt that I kept trying to understand, to work out, to make sense of.

I can never find the answer to that question. I do not know why someone reacts with anger. I cannot read their mind or understand their motivation. I don't know what they think or believe. If they have a problem I need to accept that. They are feeling angry/hurt/sad or whatever else. That's okay. Their feelings are based on their own thoughts and beliefs and are nothing to do with me.

It's not my problem.

Mary Smits
#Anxiety #Depression #rumination #overthinking #MentalHealth


Need out of my head. #overthinking

Everything is on my mind currently. Wishing there was such a thing as wishes. When I was not medicated or diagnosed with Bipolar and Schizoaffective Disorder, I was all over the place with my emotions. My thought process was not right and so I made some hasty decisions that I still ruminate about to this day. Those decisions changed my life in not a good way forever and I'm having a hard time letting that go. Today I feel frustrated as heck because I am Bipolar and Schizoaffective. I'm viewed differently because of my diagnosis, but I'm still the same person I was then. The difference is medication is helping me manage the diagnosis. If I had known all those years ago that this is what was wrong things would've been different. How do you let go of that?
#Bipolar #Depression #schizoaffective #rumination #Anxiety #wanttofeelnormal

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Racing Thoughts Make Me Want to Crawl Out Of My Skin

This is a physical representation of how I felt last night. I had to distract myself by drawing and listening to music again. I couldn’t seem to ground myself. I just wanted to scream... but it was 1am and my husband was asleep.

The same feeling leaked into this morning, as I’m now bouncing between depression and anxiety from thoughts I cannot simply stop. I can’t even identify one thought without quickly moving to the next.

I don’t know what’s worse at this point... numbness, or hypersensitivity. Too many ideas, plans, fears, and confusing emotions are bouncing around in my skull, and I just want it to stop.

#RacingThoughts #Anxiety #rumination #obsessivethoughts #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Depression #ArtTherapy #skincrawling #Paranoia #Insomnia #tired


Brothers medication seems to be helping but I don't know

My brothers new medication seems to have been helping with his mood but today he's feeling bad and randomly said he wanted to shoot himself and then talking about how he feels weird and feels like he's going to go live under a bridge. He's been taking the medication for more than 3 weeks now. I know medication alone isn't going to make his feelings go away. He has a appt over the phone with his therapist coming up but not weekly or anything. Now he is crying in the living room. I think his own thoughts are overwhelming him and he's having a hard time dealing with them.
#RacingThoughts #rumination #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #OCD



I keep ruminating on two thought. “I’m going to die” and “I’m going to kill myself.” I’m not going to do anything, I just can’t stop thinking. #Depression #Anxiety #rumination #panic


NSFW, Adult Cont: Why Can't Guys Be Compassionate About Sex?

NSFW, Adult Content

I'm tired of feeling guilty for having grown up in a society that is vomit-inducingly, rage-inducingly women-oppressing to the point that we females all grow up thinking, from before the age of /puberty/ for s#!t's sake, that we have to put out to be liked, suck d!ck to be loved, take it in the a$$, want sex as much as men do, have sex even if we don't feel like it, keep our men happy in the bedroom however they want it and with more and more kink and lingerie and role-play lest they sleep around on us, always be fun and happy and flirty so they don't ever feel bored, annoyed, glum, or angry (heaven forbid if /we/ 'make' /them/ feel angry), and in general have no autonomy in the bedroom nor a relationship because they can't fü¢k¡ng handle that they grew up in the same fü¢k¡ng world yet like it that way - so they play a role, expressing: how dare we feel smothered when they stick their d!ck in our face or pressured when they expect it to be sucked on their wedding night, and how dare we feel accosted and not like when our husbands jump into bed with erections pressed into our a$$es and grab our t!ts with obvious expectations - how dare we deny them what porn and society have taught them is their birthright; how dare we make them feel like part of the horrible, oppressive world that we /all/ grew up in and that is an assault to female existence, because they “didn't know” it wasn't right nor fair and thus “can't help” but act this way - instead of recognizing and seeing the world for what it is, as we women have all too keenly seen for far, far too lon; instead of being compassionate, calm, understanding, patient, caring, and gentle with us when we are nervous, hesitant, or silent during sex but can't find the words to say: “Wait, I'm having a moment, this is uncomfortable for me; I don't know if I want to do this because I've been told I must my whole life, and right now I no longer know where society's sexual pressures end and my sexuality begins”?

#Sex #oppression #MentalHealth #Pressure #Society #pornculture #rapeculture #suckit #lickit #takeit #doit #putout #tease #prude #frigid #worthless #Depression #Anxiety #rumination #Worrying #Fear #Uncomfortable #neverenough justafcktoy #sexbotscantcomefastenough #nopunintended