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broken heart

How do you guys handle this with BP2? I’m diving into a low at the same time I finally decided to walk away from a guy who abused my love for him and always made me feel like I was never good enough for him.

I cannot let this affect me right now, my lows are difficult enough as it is at times. I want to scream and cry because it hurts but I’m scared if I let myself feel it’s going to be so hard to come back up.

No one besides my doctor knows i’m BP, so I tackle it on my own.

#Bipolar2Disorder #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #obsessivethoughts #pessimism

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Nightmares and sleep deprivation

When I was a child, I've always had troubles falling asleep. Because my mind was fully awake, when very young, but then mostly because of stuff I was deadly afraid of. When I managed to, I had very vivid nightmares and used to wake up a lot during the night, having troubles falling asleep again.

Each time I got in bed, I started trying not to fall asleep, because bad things would have occured if I wasn't there awake and aware, in order to acknowledge anything that was happening in the house.

I now fall asleep more easily, but I remember having only one nice dream; each night I have at least one nightmare, usually up to many more.

The nightmares are generally about threats or issues I should escape safe from or disturbing stuff in general. They're very long and articulated, implying plots and including a lot of details.

When I wake up, if my attention isn't suddenly drawn to something else, the dreams usually follow me during the day and it takes a big part of it for them and their effects to vanish away.

If there's anyone interested in sharing some thoughts about this, I'd be happy to.

It can be very stressful and I haven't slept well in ages. I'd like to find a key to understand this or simply tips to try and see if they could help me.

Anyone who can relate?

#Nightmares #SleepDeprivation #Sleep #sleeppattern #sleepissue #Insomnia #Paranoia #threats #dreams #fallingasleep #thirst #Stress #overthinking #worstcasescenarios #Fear #sleepdisorder #OCD #Anxiety #Obsession #Death #obsessivethoughts

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What is your favourite grunge hit?

I’m currently watching the series High School based on musical duo Tegan and Sara’s memoir, and the 90’s soundtrack is giving me major nostalgia… I now have Blister In The Sun by Violent Femmes stuck in my head—which will probably take several days of listening to it on repeat to get out, because my brain gets OCD like that!

So far I’ve listened to old favourites like Smashing Pumpkins, Hole, Björk, The Pixies, Tori Amos, Greenday and I’m sure there are many more to come. It’s got me reminiscing about my sisters and I spending hours winding coloured cotton around our hair—why? And trying to dye my hair green with food colouring—also why—but more importantly I can confirm this only works if you’re Prince Andrew 😉

And then there’s the clothes… the flannel, t-bar shoes, knee high socks, kilts, all the black eyeliner, floral dresses with ankle socks and of course DMs. I had a practical black pair but always secretly coveted a second pair in shiny oxblood. I did have a pair of custom made shocking purple bell bottoms, that would have other girls at clubs coming over to me to ask where I got them from, which made my nerdy ass feel smug for maybe all of 5 seconds.

But back to the music 🎵

After considering all the greats—of which there are many—I think I would have to narrow it down to Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun because it was both a great video, and an enduring song. Army of Me by Björk because I love the backstory about it apparently being about her brother, and it still gets me wanting to move more than I should to this day.

And for my final pick I would have to go with Today by Smashing Pumpkins with a special mention for Drown, which is a close second because I still love the dreamlike composition. What sets Today apart in my opinion, is that Billy Corgan wrote and composed the song to juxtapose the darkness of his suicidal thoughts, with the upbeat melody—creating two levels on which to enjoy the song, And conceptually I think it was an equally brilliant music video, with the band driving around in an ice cream truck—which quite literally puts the cherry on top for me 🤓

Share your favourite 90s grunge picks in the comments, and feel free to partake in the nostalgia of what other strange things we did in the name of “fashun”!

#Music #MightyMusic #justforfun #DistractMe #Fashion #SpoonieFashion #MightyTogether #CheckInWithMe #obsessivethoughts #thisistrying


Just want to vent

After waiting months to get another therapist that's free once a week, my bro finally found one and she ended up triggering him a lot and sounded very inexperienced. I just wanted to vent on here because it seems as though his symptoms are getting slightly worse. I try not to bring up therapy too much cause i know sometimes he gets mad when I do. But im very angry that there's long wait times for people who need help. It's not fair and is very harmful to people who really need help. The state i live in passed something that was suppose to help reduce wait times but i have yet to see any changes. I feel so bad for him because i know he's struggling and there's nothing I can do but be there for him but im also not able to be in the mood to be supportive 24/7. Sometimes i want to just be in my room and try to give myself a break from the constant mood changes that happen to be negative and angry most of the time and severely sad along with the over thinking that makes the person believe that that's reality when it's really not. It's hard to watch someone mentally deteriorate and know that they want therapy but can't get 1 right away. It's hard to hear the things he says knowing it's his illness but it doesn't take away how much the words hurt. #venting #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #obsessivethoughts #RacingThoughts #Caregiving


Anyone have OCD about being neurodivergent? #OCD #obsessivethoughts #neurodivergent #sensoryprocessing #Hypochondria

TL;DR: People with OCD, have you ever developed obsessive thoughts about being neurodivergent (like autistic or sensory problems)? How did you figure out whether you were actually ND or if the obsession was totally made up? Please read my whole post before responding if possible, thanks

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Trying to Recover from Last night #EmotionalAbuse #Anxiety

Last night was hell. Took a lot of garbage from emotionally abusive partner. So sad and upset I had urge to #Selfharm I didn't which is a victory. I went to bed and got some good rest.

Today, I'm fighting to recover and bounce back. I have been tearful and anxious yet at the same time at peace bc I haven't had any contact with him since last night. I have a lot to do tonight to get ready for tomorrow's inspection of my apartment. I feel anxious yet confident that once I get started I will do okay. But I admit my obsessive thinking about last night tries to comes into play. If I think about it much I am reduced to tears.
In an episode of #BipolarDepression . #obsessivethoughts #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #EmotionalAbuse

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Just pushed through a mixed episode. It was exhilarating, terrifying, and utterly exhausting. Unable to sleep, obsessive thoughts, & substance abuse.

#BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #MixedState #mixedepisode #Insomnia #obsessivethoughts #obsessive #Earworm #exhaustion

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I’m at work all day with about a thousand things to do. Last night my bf and I had a small argument and we went to bed without really making up. I’ve been stuck on it all morning and can’t seem to stop or even lift my mood. It doesn’t help that I started my period today, either. My emotions are even more all over the place than usual. How can I stop obsessing over this thing that happened last night that I can’t really fix or change now? I’m torn between crying in my stock room or being angry all day. #BipolarDisorder #obsessivethoughts

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Racing Thoughts Make Me Want to Crawl Out Of My Skin

This is a physical representation of how I felt last night. I had to distract myself by drawing and listening to music again. I couldn’t seem to ground myself. I just wanted to scream... but it was 1am and my husband was asleep.

The same feeling leaked into this morning, as I’m now bouncing between depression and anxiety from thoughts I cannot simply stop. I can’t even identify one thought without quickly moving to the next.

I don’t know what’s worse at this point... numbness, or hypersensitivity. Too many ideas, plans, fears, and confusing emotions are bouncing around in my skull, and I just want it to stop.

#RacingThoughts #Anxiety #rumination #obsessivethoughts #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Depression #ArtTherapy #skincrawling #Paranoia #Insomnia #tired


Is there anyone out there? #obsessivethoughts #ruminating

Can’t seem to stop recurring thoughts. I just want to turn my brain off. Can’t deal with conflicts and when I go over my contacts’ list, I don’t seem to find anyone I want to talk to. I just need someone to tell me things are going to be ok, that was I said and did was valid.