self

It’s been a long time I posted here.. It was due to my exam result.. Yeah,my final result.. And, I did graduated from my college and also with an impressive grade.. Yeah, I mean I didn’t even expect that the result would turn out so good. Cause my depression started for this and the whole year I passed having extreme anxiety and depression.. Cause I was in such stage where I was confused if I can actually sit for the exam or not.. If I look back my past posts here, I would see my fear,anxiety, depression, panic attacks and suicidal attempts and thoughts just because of this exam.. Cause it’s final exam and I had to do it cause I didn’t want to take a break.. I never did.. So,now I am thinking if I could see the 18 years old me, I would have told her that come on, it’s goona be okay.. Yeah, it would be.. You can do it.. I mean just for this, I had to tolerate so many things that I can't express.. I remember my exam was in the next day and I couldn’t even open my books.. I was listening from my friends that they have started before 3 days and here I wasn’t able to do it though the next day was my exam.. It was horrifying.. I still remember I was pulling that thin rubber band and then letting go of it.. It was very painful but that moment I didn’t feel any pain or something.. I still have that picture from that time when my hand was full of red marks due to it.. Also,not to mention, those days where at one point I wanted to give in but I didn’t.. I feel very very proud of myself for not giving up.. I was so insecure and my illnesses was also getting worse at that time.. I mean, diagonised with Major Depressive Disorder just before 2 months before my final exam was never easy.. Also to adjust with it’s medicines, it took me like a month.. And after this, there were just 15 days left for my exam... Oh, I still remember when I used to motivate myself. More likely convincing myself to go for the exams.. I was literally dying at that time.. Yeah, every day and every night I felt like I am dying.. I was not even okay during my exams days cause somehow MDD just made it worse.. So, what should I say.. I am at loss of words.. Also,having this grade was really surprising cause I know how hard it was for me.. Well, I always believed that life is unpredictable.. Yeah,completely... I mean if someone asked me that time, I would've probably cried and said I don’t know.. I am not sure😩.. It was a fight.. And I fought it.. It’s not like I am showing off and all. No, I am not.. Mighty and the mighties have been my part of this journey from the very beginning and that’s why I am sharing this.. You know what if someone asks me about that time, I choose my answer that I Couldn't.. No, it was never that I didn’t.. Rather It was always I couldn’t.. I feel these two things have a very significant meaning.. And, also a very impressive way to get over from your insecurity and the lack of self-confidence.. Also to stop the torture we do to ourselves when we didn’t do anything.. It’s an illness and we can't just skip it.. It’s a part of life.. And I choose to live with it.. I hope sharing my messed up story would help someone who has been going through something like this.. Cause I have faced the worst yet I choose to fight against it.. I just didn’t wanna give up no matter what.. One thing I always believed that people like us can live, can dream and can go for it.. We can cause we are the strongest ever.. Well, this would be my reminder that I am not goona give up and I would fight against the whole world for myself.. I would go for my dreams no matter what and everything.. Cause this illness can't just snitch our rights to live, to dream and to be happy... Dear 18, I did it.. Yes, I did.. And, I believe we all mighties can .. Cause we were always the champions and still we are.. Hope it can be a bit helpful for someone like me... Also,I am grateful to everyone here for being so supportive and amazing💝.. Thanks for being the part of this.. Love and support for everyone 💐💐💐.. #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #MajorDepressiveDisorder #self -appreciation #grateful #mighties

Sometimes, we ourselves become our biggest enemy ending up hurting ourselves the way no one can. Yes, sometimes we just become so cruel to ourselves. Trying to impose everything and then going into depression that why can't we do that and all.. But, we forget to appreciate how much struggles we are having and how brave we have been to overcome this. Fighting against every odds to live a normal life though we are severely mentally damaged. Our every steps for living is sure praiseworthy cause being alive is the biggest challenge for us. Our life is not the same like others. No,it was never. We have been fighting for our life and we know we have problems. Anxiety, depression and many more which can just trigger us anytime. Well,it doesn’t have any specific reason. Feeling upset, lost and hopeless nothing seems to be new to me. Well, thrle way we think life would go, maybe it won't turn out like that cause there is no guarantee. But, we are alive.. Didn't just give up,didn’t just commit suicide.. Trying our best to hang in there. Life was never straight line for us.. From the very beginning of this.. Then,suddenly it won't be just good right.. Still, whatever happens or whatever we are doing to live deserve appreciation. Appreciation for living. For doing as much as we are able to when getting up from bed seems the hardest thing. So,we have to appreciate ourselves.. Support our inner self for being so brave.. Whatever happens is filled with million hopes and positivity. We should be satisfied with how much we are doing. Let's appreciate ourselves and let's just live on however it is.. #Depression #MentalHealth #Anxiety #self -appreciation