toughday

Today we awoke to the house at 57°F. When we went to bed... it was 73°F inside. I awoke my husband after turning on the heated blanket for our youngest to curl up in. My husband got up trying to figure out the heat situation, while the oldest helped get the little ones breakfast... and I helped them get dressed. Then, I got our school stuff ready to start the school day by 9am.
I had to call around and get an address fixed for packages I got a notification for with the wrong address. That was fun (sarcasm).
We have a couple sensory kids. So I also have to struggle to get incents and sensory gear around... as my child #meltsdown , #senoryoverload .
In the meantime, I get a call setting up my oldest child's school schedule because he is switching to k12.com. He is also a child with #SensoryIssues and with some #accomidations .
Seems there's not enough time in a day, or me to go around.
When I snuggle up with the baby and take a nap, which I rarely do ... I usually get snide comments. If only I had the remote from the movie Click. Sometimes, it would be handy.
I awoke to a #Headache . My head was pounding and it was dinner time. #eat #headachemedicine # heatedblanket

So the last two days has been pretty tough for me, I can’t put my finger on exactly why but I’ve been pretty mopey 😔 and teary-eyed. I always have in the back of my mind the what if’s just sitting there taunting me but I don’t think that’s what’s bothering me. I’m 27 I’ve had lupus since the age of 8 so I’ve lived more of my life with it then without it so it’s pretty much all I know. I’m a pretty bubbly person for the most part I think why let everyone know how miserable 😩 I am if there’s nothing they can do about it and have them feeling down because I’m down and they can’t help then I’ll see them down and make me even more down so I figured I’ll fake it till I can’t😁. Music normally helps me out a lot but it’s just not doing it for me, maybe spending some time with my bf will help out. How has your day been? Share with me I really wanna know. #hey #toughday #Lupus #MentallyTired #tired #Exausted #Share #Fibromyaliga #Depression #MentalIllness #Music #DeepThought #musictherapy

Gabbie girl and I started new medicines days apart from each other. She has #Hyperthyroidism and I started #sulfasalazine for whatever new is happening with my health. Today was a #toughday but Gabbie girl new it and gave me extra snuggles.

This is me. I didn't get much sleep the night before because my anxiety made me feel like I was having a heart attack & when that passed all I could think about was things I needed to do better. So, I woke up not wanting to get up, not wanting to take a shower, not wanting to do a damn thing but lay in bed. But, I am a mom, I am a spouse, I am a member of this family & I need to be 100%.
Days like today I hold my feelings inside locked away, hidden from the outside so I don't bother anyone with how I feel. I drink coffee to keep me awake & I forget to eat. All the whilst trying to keep my head clear cause I have to think about different grown up things today.
I move through my day, shining a big smile because I am alive, I am blessed, I am successful, I am making big choices to better the lives of my family...
So why does I feel this way? Why can't everything just stop so my pain goes away? Why can't all the good that's happening make me 100% happy? (Cause I should be) Different triggers bring up different emotions that lead to my anxiety episodes, sometimes they are so bad I feel like I'm going to die. I lived with so much pain for 18 years, now I'm 30 & still don't have a good grip on things...
As the day goes by, & evening arises I finally feel calm & relieved, snuggled up with warm hugs from my kids & spouse (He knows I've had a hard day & have been trying all day).. I get ready for bed, take my pills, lasy down & it all starts over once again....
For anyone who read my rant, THANK YOU! I know it was long. Sorry 😬
#Anxiety #Depression #Insomnia

Always #havefaith in yourself because #youareenough

Keep going your #doinggreat