Hi, my name is avefenix78. I live in Barcelona, Spain; I am 46 years old. I'm here because I am doing a new project for sexual abuse women in her chilhood. I want to create a safe, healing, transformative environment for all of them from my experience. That`s why I need to talk with them for to have more information. If any want to talk, please contact me. Thank you very much.
2 reactions It has been quite some time since I needed the support from this app. Today I could really use it. I had a miscarriage a year and half ago. Today I am 9 months. I have struggled this pregnancy from having severe morning sickness to now having a heart issue. I’ve spent majority of this pregnancy being cooped up in my bedroom unable to eat or walk. I have a 16 year old stepson that came back from being with his mom for 3 months traumatized. She didn’t make him go to school. So therefore he didn’t have anyone to speak to. He was showering in a moldy tub. He was bleeding from his butt and she didn’t take him to the hospital. She left him alone all hours of the night. She also thought it was a great idea to go to a guys house that he had never met to have him set on the couch while he listened to her and this stranger gave sex.
We put him into therapy and he loves going. After 2 years he seems like he is just getting worse. My husband and I go to therapy every week for him and that same day later in the day, he goes to the same therapist.
We hit a huge stump and I am getting worried about bringing this baby into this house.
Yesterday we found out that he has been pressuring his girlfriend to do things. She has clearly said no and he keeps on. We have an appointment with our therapist today. But I am at such a loss. I never would have thought he would disrespect someone like this.
My ex husband sexually assaulted. It took me going to therapy to realize that just because we were married, I said no. He should have stopped. This issue with my stepson has brought up so much of my past and I am spiraling out of control.
I remember my ex laying on me with his hand on my throat. Squeezing so hard. I remember trying to pry his hand away and him repeating “no, you love this. It makes you more wet.” I fought and fought so hard and eventually would lose the battle and black out.
I never thought I would have ended in that position. But I did. I don’t think my stepson is capable of doing things like this. But he is doing damage to this girl.
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Survival mode? It’s basically emotional chaos on autopilot dodging triggers, overthinking everything & trying to seem chill while your brain’s having a meltdown. 🙃🔥#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD #Depression
5 reactions Mine has started well I've already been posting on X formerly twitter and all day yesterday for Emotional Abuse Survivors answering questions assisting people ... I haven't touched this twitter account in almost a year ... but people are vibing it like i never stopped assisting them.. feel free to check it out at @bpdways ... I will still post here in the mornings about 5-7 post daily that you can comment on as well.. enjoy your day. And tell me about how yours is going so far,,,, #BPD #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
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POV: I Survived Silently
Hi, I’m writing this anonymously — not because I’m ashamed, but because I’ve spent most of my life being quiet. Somehow, sharing it this way feels safe.
I grew up carrying the weight of something I couldn’t explain. I was hurt by someone who should’ve never had access to me, and it changed how I saw the world — and myself. I learned to stay silent. I learned that keeping the peace often meant burying my pain. And I did.
Later, when someone found a piece of my truth — something I had only written in a private journal — the reaction wasn’t support or comfort. It was confusion, fear, and a need to hide. I realized then that some families are more interested in keeping a certain image than facing what’s really going on.
But I kept going.
I built a quiet life. I found love, even when I doubted whether I deserved it. I found peace in small, ordinary things — like the companionship of animals who never asked me to explain myself, and moments of calm when no one expected answers.
I don’t have the kind of success people often measure — no fancy career or children to show for my time — but I’m still here. I’ve survived things I don’t always have words for. That matters.
There are days when I feel like I haven’t done enough. But there are also days when I realize how far I’ve come just by waking up, caring for those I love, and being kind to myself. That’s what healing has started to look like for me — slow, quiet, and deeply personal.
If you're reading this and you’ve ever felt like your story doesn’t count unless it fits someone else’s version of strength or success, I hope you know: your survival is enough. You are enough. And you are not alone.
— Someone who’s still here
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Hi everyone,
I’m not sure how active this group is as the most recent looks like it was 10 months ago(?), but could really use some support.
I have C-PTSD and am ND (among countless other comorbidities) and I’m beyond burned out. I’ve only just hit my thirties and feel like I’m ready to retire. I’m so agoraphobic and detached from society that I don’t feel like a participating member of society. My life is miserable and the only reason I’m still here is my cat.
I honestly can’t foresee a future in which I ever have a loving relationship again (after previous abuse), and our capitalist world makes it near impossible to exist as a single person, so it’s bleak. I have no family, and drifted from my friends. I’ve thought about apps but they’d involve a high degree of masking. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be friends with someone so damaged and nihilistic, hence the vicious cycle ensues…
Any kind words or advice would be greatly appreciated.
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Depression and feelings of low self-worth can have an impact in many areas of your life. Typical daily activities such as getting out of bed or going to work can feel daunting. Socializing and leaving the house can feel overwhelming, motivation can be hard to come by, your relationships may fall out of sync, etc. When feeling depressed, it's common for self-worth to also be compromised (and vice versa, low self-worth can feed depression. A vicious cycle).
Feeling Undeserving of Good
When experiencing low self-worth, it can feel like you're not deserving of the good things that come your way. For example, if your self-worth is low, you may on a deeper level feel like you don't deserve love, care, intimacy, success in career, a supportive relationship, respect from others, even simply good feelings, and more -- even when you crave it. When you're feeling undeserving of the good, it can be very difficult to know how to both see it when it's there, and receive it.
People generally desire good things in life. You likely want things that will make you happy and fulfilled. However, when your self-worth is struggling or you are feeling depressed, it can actually be incredibly tempting to unconsciously fall into patterns of pushing the good away.
The Impact of Trauma and Hurtful Experiences on Self-Worth
Self-sabotage patterns are quite complicated. It's not easy to convince somebody deep down that they deserve intimacy, to be loved, cared for, et al, especially if growing up they experienced bullying, harsh punishments for supposedly being "bad", abuse, neglect, loss, abandonment, trauma, and more.
For one example, it can be really unsettling to be cared for or close with someone else because maybe you're just waiting for them to find out how un-good you are. How long before this other person (or job, etc.) realizes that you're not worthy of their attention or effort? This is part of imposter syndrome. How long before people realize that you're not worth the good they're providing and therefore take it away? How long before you lose the good, whatever it may be?
Another example is if you've been bullied, abused, or neglected. The internal deeper feelings may be reluctant to become too close or vulnerable, to let your guard down, let someone in, or to trust care from others, especially if the people who were supposed to care for you growing up (and/or others) had a hand in making you feel hurt, or afraid, or actually did physically hurt you. It may be hard to trust that you're really ever safe being close to people.
Self-Sabotage and the Shame of Having Needs
The shame of having needs (and having them met) is a significant piece of self-sabotage patterns. The fear of losing something you need, or being hurt by your needs in the past can make it hard to want to need at all now. Why bother trying to have your needs met if you see the greater and intolerable pain coming, often becomes the narrative. When you're anticipating the pain, shame, or other deeply upsetting and maybe intolerable feelings, this is where self-sabotage patterns start to take over. Perhaps a part of you may feel like the shoe is eventually going to drop -- you're going to be hurt (physically, or otherwise), lose the good, be found out, etc. When you've been through deep pain before, it can become almost a form of torture just waiting for it to happen again. The longer in this unknown space of good being offered to you, in one way or another, or the more vulnerable you start to feel, the less in control of that eventual pain you may feel, and it can become scary.
In this space, the fear of the bad starts to take over. These deeper fears can actually show up unconsciously, and you may not realize fully that they are there. But your actions and feelings towards any of the good starts to shift from wanting it to fearing it. It's in this space where the self-sabotage takes over. You may start pushing people away, or repeat dynamics that serve to prevent success, intimacy, supportive relationships, love, anything you feel you emotionally need and would also be too painful to lose, be disappointed or rejected by, or be potentially hurt by.
Making the World Validate Your Worthless Feelings
Essentially, when struggling with low self-worth, it actually can become instinctive to assist the world in validating feelings of worthlessness, rather than taking in when the world is showing you the good that you so desire. Instead, if people are there who are trying to offer you the good, you might reject it or keep it at bay or arm's distance. This is a common pattern in relationships that struggle with intimacy. (I discuss this more in my Grass Is Greener Syndrome book and articles). Avoidance is a common characteristic in sabotage dynamics. Avoiding connection, intimacy (physical and/or emotional), etc.
Opening up to vulnerability, intimacy, care, success, and anything good may feel too scary, overwhelming, and simply too risky. Instead, it's almost an instinct to reject or destroy the good with self-sabotage dynamics and self-fulfilling prophecies (though, in your defense, they don't tend to happen by conscious choice). You may be offered exactly what you need and are seeking, but it's more safe and comfortable in the comfort zone where you can't be hurt, abused, disappointed, or left in pain in any other way.
In this mode, people unknowingly curate the world around them to match their feelings of worthlessness -- people push the care away in this state, and then become even more pained by being alone and feeling that no one really cares. In this particular fear-based state, this can be the comfort zone and where it feels the most safe, even if it means isolation keeping away the good. It's a harsh "damned if you do, damned if you don't" -- and it makes it harder to break out of depression, as well.
Testing Boundaries and Sabotage
It's also worth mentioning that part of these self-sabotage patterns actually shows up in "testing". When in these untrusting and vulnerable emotional states, it is quite common for people to test their partners or others to see where the boundaries are. Almost a sense of, "How much of myself can I be, or how far can I push before they will turn away from me and leave or have enough of me? Where is too far?" While this may be a form of testing for safety, it unfortunately often becomes the self-fulfilling prophecy. Pushing someone far enough away where the other becomes in some way put off in response. This often serves to create the painful arm's distance, or setting up the disappointment, loss, abandonment that is so greatly feared.
Moving Forward From Self-Sabotage and Increasing Self-Worth
Self-sabotage validates and perpetuates low self-worth, and vice versa. It is possible to break out of this cycle and increase your self-worth. It starts with acknowledging the patterns and seeing them starting to play out without having to act on them, and getting to know on a deeper level what is feeding them. It is common in fact for the patterns to be played out in the therapy, which gives us a chance to respond to them in real time. The first step is simply knowing you want to move forward from these patterns.
#Depression #MentalHealth #Selfworth #selfsabotage #Trauma #Anxiety #Abuse #neglect
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This is a safe and welcoming space for all emotional abuse survivors. You're not alone—come as you are, share if you’d like, and know that support is here for you. 🌟#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth
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For years I kept walls that I built because of so much abuse I endured in different ways.
I needed so much time to work on that and it was hell to become vulnerable again. To be open so much like giving someone opportunity to love you or stab your heart.
You need a lot of courage to be that vurnerable towards others. My lecture was that I was always fool in the end with showing my vulnerability and in the end so rejected that I don't have real friends nor any relationships and I can't trust anyone. At the same time I don't know for how long I should "hide" my problems before I open myself. I never get that mindset of hiding things and gradually opening. My ex colleagues told me several times why I say everything in the beginning to others I'm dating. But I can't see a point of not telling it. I am honest and raw. Maybe I don't have social skills because I am autistic and I don't get some things that most people I know do. It doesn't make a sense to me.
There are several situations in which hurt was so big that I decided I'm nobody's fool anymore and even though I respect everyone's freedom to choose to be with me in any kind of -ship or not but I also don't have to suffer others insults, rejections and simmilar.
Now I rather keep distant and inside my high walls than to let anyone to play with my feelings and betray me. Rather suppress my longings to be protected. I betrayed others too and I can't get that time back but I try to be different and I tried to repair damage I did towards others.
In 2023. I started dating one man I fell in love and it was mutual. As I was open from start he knew I suffer from anorexia, he knew my mental health problems, my other problems too. We dated for shorter time and then came time of decision should we step into relationships or go our own ways.
For me it was decision for relationship and for him it was no in the end even though he had romantic feelings for me. He couldn't accept me with anorexia. I was also a risk for him in meaning what if he wants to leave and he feared I'd harm myself because of that because that's his similar experience from past. I started proving myself, justifying. I would never use emotional manipulation.
After our last big talk I realised that at that point I didn't want to be with him despite my deep romantic feelings for him. I was rather finding my wrongs than see that he was one who also has big problems but always my fault.
I was often asked by him how I'm doing and after my answer I would get unsolicited advices and felt like he wants to fix me. I'm not a problem, I am a person who has problems, illnesses and disabilities.
Numerous times I told him to stop giving me unsolicited advices and many things happened. I was cutting him off from time to time from communication as we couldn't be friends, it was dating and going to relationship or going on in life each in their way... but I would in the end always approach him first which would result with frustration and being angry because he hurt me in past and other things repeated and repeated. After being so rejected and hurt only because I was vurnerable, open, with all cards on the table I was the fool. I hate how much he hurt me and how I let this happen.
Recently, I completely, without any bye long stories, cut his off from my life as he wasn't playing any role, no proper communication or anything else. So what is name of that? Probably situationship which has no purpose.
I'm adjusting to the fact that there will never be any change in our -ship and to go on. My hopes will vanish with time, I will endure that even though it hurts. It hurts to be too much, burden, broken, unwanted!
A year before I met that guy, I started to build friendship with one girl. I didn't notice that it wasn't any kind of relationship. I was in one situation last year of almost being homeless, praying for miracle for place to live or going back to my abusive parents. I decided I will go to homeless shelter because I can't stand abuse anymore. I was desperate. She offered to stay at her mother's house for some time. It was offered by her, I didn't ask for it.
Her mother got scared when my "friend" described me to her mother in my diagnoses, just diagnoses. Fabi needs a wheelchair, Fabi is autistic, Fabi has a PTSD, she's disabled.
I was in shock. Like, we knew eachother for few years, we spent time together more or less frequently and she just told her mother my diagnoses, she didn't know to describe me? I was speechless. That gave me an opportunity to question friendships in general and this one which actually never existed. I distanced and I was hurt. I was full of etiquettes by someone who can't say a sentence about me, by someone I thought she is my friend, who spent time with me but she couldn't describe me in any proper sentence. I was shocked by her inability of describing me more than just giving my diagnoses. Her mother was scared and said that I can't stay there. Her mother has stereotype look on autism and PTSD, and when you add a wheelchair you're unacceptable totally.
Also she told me a bit later that she has no capacity for me and doesn't want to talk about anything intimate with me, the message was - "You're too much". She doesn't want to have anything with me. I still question what happened in between because she knew my problems with health and being disabled but then I turned into bunch of etiquettes.
In the meantime I started to date one man and feelings were mutual. I was open again and told him my illnesses, struggles, told him my struggles with suffering and being suicidal. In start he wanted to be with me immediately and I'm not that type of person to just jump into relationship.
Once I noticed he wasn't okay so I asked and he told me that he fears my suicidal thoughts and doesn't sleep for days. I was going back from work like around midnight and I called him. In the end I came to his apartment, hold his hand and was with him so he can sleep. Later therapist told me that I put his needs over mine, blamed myself for something that wasn't my fault. I went straight after hard work to his apartment in 1.a.m. I was beating myself mentally so much. His fears are valid but they come from his unresolved trauma with his mother who tried to take her own life numerous times and he was the one who had to save her. Again I was there with him, offering to stay so he can sleep, go over myself. Shortly after that he said he doesn't want to be in relationship. I told him that he needs therapy for his traumas because he's projecting the same things and told him we will go no contact because I am not a toy. I was hurt and my openes was curse again.
I can't describe my suffering because of that and my hurt for messages I got. Even though I'd like to have friends and be in relationship I realised I'm unlovable and those things won't happen.
I also don't ever want to be hurt again so I am building walls, I know that I will never find someone who would truly love me and I don't need floscules because I know what I was told, what&who I am and no nobody will get a chance to get close to me because they would hurt me. I don't believe in love anymore and I don't trust people anyway. I am on alert about myself so I never allow any closeness.
I'd rather go over my longings and wish to be with someone and have friends than to be betrayed, hurt, rejected or harmed in any way.
I hate that I'm too much, that I'm a risk, that I am unlovable and what others did to me when I was honest, vulnerable and open. I gave three persons to choose to either love me or stab me in the heart after hard work to be open and vulnerable again. They choosed the latter.
I will never again follow any advice to be vulnerable, I may suffer but it's better to suffer from that than to be hurt in such awful ways. I didn't heal from these things and maybe I never will but I learned my lesson.
#WheelchairUser #Disability #AnorexiaNervosa #Depression #vulnerabilitykills #Autism
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Hi, my name is ladysaw. I'm looking for others having dealt with narcissistic abuse and are the scapegoat in your family and persevered. I want to know how you’ve redefined your life and created support.
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