Abuse

I can't handle what my life has become. I miss my life before the abuse. I miss my life before the group home. I'm frustrated I went to college but haven't been able to work. Most of the staff at the group home don't even have college degrees. I failed ending up here. I'm sick of calling 988. ER keeps sending me home. Says I'm not serious. I'm not, I just want the thoughts to go away and nobody helps. They won't go away. I hate having chronic suicidality. #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts

I realized I posted here before I actually introduced myself, so hi I’m new here.

I’m a child abuse survivor still learning how to get through the grief.
Some days just staying is the work. Getting up. Breathing through it. Choosing to stay when it feels easier to disappear.
I joined The Mighty because I’m tired of carrying this alone. I wanted to be around people who actually understand people I don’t have to explain or minimize things to.

I’m also a therapist, but here I’m not here as a therapist. I’m here as a survivor. Still learning. Still healing. Still here.

Thank you to everyone who read my last post and made me feel welcome already. It meant more than you know.

If you’re in that place too, where surviving feels like it should count for more, I see you. It does count. You stayed, and that was the bravest part.
I’m really glad to have found this community.

What helped you keep going on the days when just staying felt like everything?

Lost Soul

I have lost myself somewhere along the way

Words that once flowed upon a page, now being held hostage deep within my brain

Consuming myself for other’s gain but I’m the only one feeling the pain

I’ve cried so many tears, yet no one seems to hear

Too busy with their self-consumption and made-up fears

I’m unable to speak, unable to breathe

Waiting for it all to disappear

I don’t know how to make him comprehend

Everything I do, I do for him

Even in the darkness the shadows are near

Desperately they try, to lure me in

I am frozen now tangled within their bind

I cannot run, I cannot hide

For they are the lost souls

And so am I

#Trauma #Abuse #MightyPoets

"I’ve regained my mind and my voice, and along with it, my silence and my choice."

How My Silence Became My Power

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #TraumaRecovery #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Abuse #Trauma #Recovery #MentalHealth #PTSD

This is my first post, so I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, but figured I would give it a shot. I’m a 43yr old man from TX, married 11 years and have been diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety for the majority of my adult life. I’m in weekly therapy and on various medications for the above mentioned issues. My wife and I have been struggling on and off throughout our relationship with various issues and recently I have been told that I have been psychologically abusing her. Specifically during our fights I fall into the habit of defensiveness and gaslighting her. Being labeled an abuser is a tough pill to swallow and in no way shape or form is my intention to do this. My gaslighting results in an extremely volatile response from her and it is getting harder and harder to come back from these giant blow ups. Being labeled an abused also plays into the shame issues that I have which I know can be exacerbated by ADHD. I guess I am just looking for support, perspective, advice etc. it’s a weird feeling and is something that I will be addressing with my therapist in depth, but really just looking for thoughts or tools and techniques to address this. #Abuse #MentalHealth

Hi, my name is HopelesslyHopefull. I'm here because I struggle with the fear and consequences that my splitting can cause, while now after many years of abuse and torture I became very violent cold and detached. I now have chosen to allow myself to finally be able to express my emotions for which now many see me as being kind living empathetic and very sensitive, I still see myself as bad and am unforgiving of the things I've done and the monster I had become merely to survive. No matter what good inmat do or what positivity and love I continue to try and allow myself to excude. There is still that part of me that still fears trust fears being lied to hurt or abandoned and overall betrayed. I do my best at staying hopeful while most of the time I am just overwhelmed of feelings of hopelessness. Sometimes I wonder whether or not I should of ever even been born at all. Because I can no longer dealing with the emotions that come when I split and see that I am still capable of hurting others while still believing that I'm merely just trying to avoid allowing anyone to hurt me any longer. Yet in my heart and soul , I would rather allow myself to be hurt and even hurt myself then to have to face that it feels like when I hurt those who I love and care so deeply about. I just don't want to be afraid to be alone yet when I allow that fear to overcome me all I can do is just push everyone away and I find myself alone and thinking and feeling that that is the only way I can truly show those I love and care for that is my intention so long as it's a way that I can keep myself from every hurting then again. Because it hurts me to hurt them there pain is my pain aswell as my pain is my pain.

#MightyTogether #PTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

Strength
IT IS WHEN WE ARE LEFT ALONE WITH POETRY AND PRAYER THAT WE UNCOVER THE TRUTH OF WHETHER WE WILL LIVE OR DIE, Strength is So Subjective, Sudden Changes, A Paramedic Coming to Take Your Life Against or With Will, Extreme Loss, Injuries On the Beach, 20 Years of Work for Naught, Indifference to Rage by a Whole City and an Extended Family that Was, A Child Working Late, Lies, Loss of Self and Wholeness, Police Abuse, Song and Release, Worry, Visions of Your Own Death, Songs of Heritage, Solitude, Despair, Complete Aloneness, Birth, Childbirth, Vows, Forgiveness, Shelter, Despair, Lack of Will, Fear, Ice, Possession, Waiting, Admiration, Gratitude, Love, Despair, A Grave now! ENDURANCE, Lies, More Death, Strength!