Adultadd

My mind is racing as I type this. I am criticizing every single word. I am so afraid that speaking about my challenges is going to make things worse. I know it doesn't make sense but I have had to wear a mask hiding my conditions for so long that I feel completely insecure without it. I feel like a caged animal who once set free still wears the chains of control. Depression has taken so much from me that I don't even remember who I used to be. I do remember being such a fearless and determined child. But when depression came along it robbed me of my essence. The characteristics of myself that I was most proud of. I fear that depression will affect my son. I want so badly to believe that if I get better (and can sustain being better) that I can help him if it happens. Yes, I believe that depression is something that happens to you. As bazaar as it sounds, it has become its own entity. As much as the knowledge of being diagnosed helped make sense of things, it doesn't help if managing is a struggle too. Imagine having to fight with yourself to simply be okay with YOURSELF.

So I am afraid. I am afraid of the side effects of increasing my dosages. I am afraid that I won't manage the symptoms enough and I lose my job. I am afraid that my son will have this. And I am afraid that even this post won't be enough. My imposter syndrome is showing and I cant afford to be exposed. I just want to be free of these fears.#Depression #Fear #Adultadd #Anxiety #ImposterSyndrome

I've taken the day off work today (it has been a long time needed). Although, I didnt get to sleep in or sleep well through the night. I "woke up" completely exhausted. But, I imagined today would go well because I had no major agenda but to get my son to school. half days. simple 20 minutes of driving there and back. grabbed a few groceries and came back home after grabbing him. And I am completely and utterly EXHAUSTED!!! I am even struggling to type this. I had taken my ADD (yes I have adult ADD too) meds and had 14 oz of my favorite coffee. Yet, my body and eyes feel unbearably achy as well as weak. How is this possible?

Then sun is finally out! I've taken my multivitamin and I should have energy. I AM TRULY BEAT. why??why?? My life is starting to look up....why do I still feel this way? I want to feel excited about the things I know are great and play with my 3 year old. But, I am soooo tired it's scary. why is nothing working?
😔🥺😫☠🤦🏾‍♀️
#Depression #MommyBloggers #exhaustion #Adultadd #help

I have (what feels like) the worst Short & Long Term memories. I am in my late 30’s. I suffer from both Anxiety & Depression and I may also have undiagnosed adult ADD. Does anybody out there feel like their memory is poor? I listen to others and they recall so many details from their past, with timelines, etc & I just feel like I struggle getting out the right words sometimes, let alone fully detailed stories! It’s so very frustrating.
I wonder if I just compare myself with others too often?
Any and all responses are really appreciated!!
Thanks! #Memory #ShorttermMemory #Adultadd

I was told by my psychiatrist that I was labeled as having add in my previous doctors' notes. I had no idea, no one ever told me that before. I want to learn more and learn what the signs are.

As I sit and reflect on 2018 and all the highs and the multitude of lows a few things really stand out. This was a hard year plain and simple. It pushed my limits physically, emotionally and spiritually to points that I have never experienced before. It was like the year of dark paths and sudden turns with change coming at every corner. It was a year of families ruthlessly turning on each other, friendships and relationships ending and years dedicated to ministry crumbling violently around me. It was a year of overwhelming loss as I watched loved family members depart from this world and enter the gateway of another. Watching this miraculous departure the intellect tells us that its time to let go but the heart just doesn't always understand.
This was a year of isolation and fear as the black cloud of depression started to slowly cover my eyes. The stark loneliness that only severe depression can bring invaded every part of my life as I helplessly watched it happen. Like a thief it robbed me of the things I value the most such as joy, peace, contentment and passion. It can only be described as seeing the world in black and white with muted grays while everyone around you sees the bright vibrant colors and beautiful signs of life. Depression robbed me of my creativity and desire to see a new day full of possibilities. I learned that in those times your focus is to survive every hour 60 min at a time. At times the sadness of is such a burden that merely existing is an accomplishment to be celebrated.
This year also taught me to recognize who stands with you in tough times... those people are your tribe. Also take note of the people who quietly collect their things and exit your life when the waters get deep and murky. Years like 2018 will separate the wheat and the tare, the weak and the strong and the participants in life verses the bystanders. I found my tribe this year and I thank God daily for bringing these souls into my life. God knew I needed people to speak life and hope into me. These people loved me when I felt hopeless and empty with nothing at all to give back. I was reminded by these precious souls that God is truly so good.
This year taught me many things and yes they were hard lessons to learn. I will enter into 2019 with life lessons that will serve me well as I look to the future. I have learned that love can change hearts and minds so love your friends and family well. You never know when that day may be your last. Invest in relationships that give you life and make you a better version of you. Never underestimate the value of the smallest actions that can propel change in someone else's life. Take every opportunity to be the catalyst that will change the course of someone's life for the better. Always invest in those that can give nothing in return. I thoroughly believe thats where the blessings truly lie.
Through it all God was still faithful and still in control. We are blessed and I am so eternally grateful.