I feel so isolated, more than when we had to because of Covid. Probably because my husband was home then, after being laid off from an “essential “ job.
The isolation got worse in May, when I was falling, and couldn’t get up on my own. The scariest incident was when my legs just collapsed, and I spent 45 minutes crawling around trying to get up, until I could get to my car and have Siri call home, which fortunately my husband was there, a rare occurrence. I don’t know what I would have done otherwise, probably have called the fire department.
Of course, the doctors couldn’t find anything wrong, except Carpal Tunnel. 😡 After an EMG and an MRI.
Since then I don’t go anywhere by myself except for a rare doctor appt. My husband got me an Apple Watch, so I could always call someone if I needed help.
But my panic attacks are back, and so are my migraines, which were under control before.
I can’t get anything done, but a lot of that is being unable because of pain. I want to hire someone, but am too embarrassed to let them in. I tell myself I’m going to do this today, something I can manage, and end up doing nothing all day.
It’s a wasted life. If it wasn’t for my daughter, I’d find a way to end it. I would tell myself, not when the kids are in school. Well, she went on to Community College, got that degree, went on to a top 10 undergraduate college, got 2 degrees with honors, got her Masters in Chemistry, and is now in a Ph.D. Program for Physics. 😊 Who knows when she’ll be done with school! So, I’m hanging in there.
#PTSD
#Migraines
#ChronicPain
#sciatica
#Arthritis
#Fibromyalgia
#lonely