AloneWithMyThoughts

Laying in my bed,
I'm just staring at the ceiling,
Thinking that I'm good
but I know I'm 'bout to relapse

Been a single parent it’s not easy I feel tired and lonely

I spent my first christmas alone. ...my ex would not let me see my daughter she says because of my mental illness I can't be trusted alone with her. I'm so lost right now and I have none to turn to. I don't have any friends outside of work and I don't want to miss work life with my personal life. I just don't know how much longer I can keep the demons at bay. I need saving. I can't do this alone. I've been fighting for to long I've been waving the the white flag and the bombs just keep coming when will this end. how will this end I only see one outcome and I'm scared to death.
##BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

After years of feeling lonely, sad, depressed, and much more, with very little will to live.

I started doing arts and crafts to passed time, reading, watching TV, incredibly enough I realized that while I was suffering from loneliness, I began to enjoy 😉 my time alone.

I started slowly and joined a club, went out to dinner by myself, and it didn’t feel painful. I was enjoying my time.

For me the most important “event” was when I realized there is no drama around me. No Bickering, nobody saying “you said, this one said”. It feels like a weight was lifted of my back in ways I had never known. No pressure to please anyone, saving my money for myself I read of helping others who are ungrateful.

It has been a true awakening of my spirit and soul. 💞🙏🏻💞😘

#Loneliness #AloneWithMyThoughts #Aloneforthebetter #alone

I have been working very hard at managing my Major Depression. I’ve taken nearly 3 month off of my job, I started to see a therapist and tried a medication that worked last time but isn’t working this time around. I’m taking 2-3 mg of Xanax and melatonin at night and I’m still up until 3-4 am. I stoped taking the anti-depressant because it’s making me worse and causing me to gain weight. I’m so scared to try new ones. I don’t even want to return to my job. The thought of it makes me vomit. I’m just so sad and lonely. It’s like a black hole in your heart. Anything good gets sucked out and vanishes into that dark place. I can’t fake being happy. I don’t to commit suicide because I have a Daughter and Grandson who I love too much. I’m just a invisible, mass of depression. I am removing almost everyone from my life. I don’t have the energy to pretend I’m a normal human being. Does anyone else relate to this? I’m just beyond depressed, if that’s possible. I’m about to lose my faith in everything. This is so unbearable. 💔 #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #AloneWithMyThoughts

Lately, I’ve been realising things in life and that changed the way i think, but i still have very dark thoughts. It never stopped, it’s been about 3years on suicidal thoughts and trough depression. Social workers are in to help me, but the help I receive only feels like brainwash, they keep telling me “it’s only your thoughts” “you are perfectly fine” “you don’t seem depressed” “i think your just sad”. I don’t know how much it takes to show them that i feel in danger in my body, i feel awful every single day. I don’t get the help I deserve, i hardly have someone to talk to. I could scream and cry, they’d still say it’s not enough to help me. I’m such a happy person from the outside but in the inside death crawls into my bones. I deal with anxiety, depression and eating disorder but nobody helps. #Suicide #AloneWithMyThoughts #DepressiveDisorders #EatingDisorders #Anxiety

Even while busy and working on homework that has to get done for tomorrow morning I find myself lost in my thoughts almost like a shadow creeping up on me. #Depression #AloneWithMyThoughts

I just turned 21 and had to be dragged out to go “out” for my birthday. Lmao. I find myself quite pathetic anymore. I have a hard time telling myself to get out of bed to do anything. If it wasn’t for my four legged companions I wouldn’t get out of bed anymore. I’d also like to thank my medications for making me gain over 40 pounds in the last year. “You’re weight isn’t everything” but isn’t it? When’s the last time you actually looked in the mirror and didn’t want to change something about yourself I looked in the mirror today after I got a shower and literally vomited at the sight of myself. So I’m pretty much fed up with this whole fake reality where everything will be “okay”. #DistractMe someone should probably #CheckInWithMe