bepresent

There has been a lot of talk about the idea and concept of being “present.” The idea of just being there for someone going through a struggle. The idea that even just sitting in silence with someone lets them know you are present for them and that you are there whenever they need someone to talk to. It’s a simple idea yet so many people fail to do it for those closest to them going through a struggle. It could be the shift in society that views more of a reliance on your own problems than those of others. Being present it someone that can have an amazing impact on someone else’s life. Yet why do so many people fail to do it for those they care about.

Two weeks ago, I started a new group therapy for grief. Going into the first session, I was nervous because I was not going into grieving death, I was going in grieving the lose of friendships, employment, the pre-grieving of losing nursing school and my lifestyle. Two weeks later, I realized I am in fact grieving death, the death of my dog that I got during my first mental health struggles, so I had something to live for. If it wasn’t for that dog, I would be dead and I would have achieved so much the last nine years despite everyone telling me I wouldn’t be able to do anything with my life. Boy, do I miss that dog and wish I could go pick him out again and start out mental health journey together again. Also going to my first meeting of the new group I was in a depressed mood, as I had just read a hurtful comment on my blog, I was ready to give up all blogging which I did with only two posts. But, that first session, as each person shared their grief, death of loved ones, I realized what it meant to be present, I was there for these people sharing their stories of lose. I was able to give encouraging words and insight. It was truly amazing. The day after our second meeting, I had court and that morning the one group member messaged me and told me she was thinking of me. Once again someone just being present. IT was touching and extremely nice and caring. This however my bipolar brain into motion with thoughts of being "present."

My bipolar brain made realize that while I was present for these people, I was not truly present for them. How could I truly be fully present for someone else when I was and am still not currently fully present in my own life. Everyday to me feels like the expression of just being a warm body. A warm body in my day in all aspects. Most days I could not tell you what went on a day or two later, this is not because of a lack of short term or long-term memory. This is instead the result of me being complete numb and just not present. I don’t know if it is just the shock of the horrible situation, I have gotten myself into with my mental health and legal struggle or if it is just simple something else. My bipolar brain does make me think, if I made such a huge impact on the group members without fully being present like I could if I was present in my own life, what could I do for them and others suffering from mental health or grief if I was truly present in my own life too. I don’t know what it will look like or take for me to no longer being a warm body in my life and to be present, but I hope to figure it out soon. I look forward to it though because it will present the next chapter in my life in helping others and getting to the life I am meant to live.

So, my thought is while it is a great gesture to be present in someone else’s life to help them in their struggles, we must not forget to be present in our own lives.

#MentalHealth #bepresent #Bekind #BipolarDisorder #Depression #anixiety

Being Present - Bipolar Tater

I have been gone for awhile, I had my voice taken away by a hurtful message. I have since received more, but I realized from some nice women in my life, that I can let hurtful people take my voice. Being silent helps no one, it doesn’t help myself and it doesn’t help anyone that what I have to say could reach. So, it is today that I fully take back my voice and continue my mental health journey by sharing my thoughts and experiences and make an attempt to verbalize all my bipolar thoughts. So, I hope you enjoy that I am back on my blog bipolartater.com and on TheMighty.com. Hoping for positivity, but I understand negativity will always be there especially when you are sharing with the world. God Bless all of you and I pray that my thoughts help someone out there.

March 2nd, the day of my third suicide attempt., the day I truly realized my mental health had taken a turn, a turn for the worse, a turn that would put me on a collision course not only with my health, but with my mind more specifically the voice that lives in my mind. The voice that constantly says, “Die, Nathan, Die no one will miss you.” The voice that many times a week manifests itself into vision, vivid images that put ways to achieve what the voice tells me to do, to die. This is voice that will live with me for my life, but it is a voice that I have chosen to not let win. I have recently been told that I use my mental health as an excuse to commit bad things and this is something when I read that my mind let feel was true. Then my new grief group started and I saw the hurt people were experiencing and I left it sink in. My anxiety hit and my fear of judgement started taking over and then I heard the group member talk about how other people made their hurt worse. This made me realize I needed to speak and I needed to me present. The best thing you can do for someone struggling with mental health is to be present. Be present for them, show them you care, even its just sitting with them in silence. Speaking in the group got me so much thankfulness and it made me realize that God put me here for a reason and put me in that group for a reason. This made me realize that I can’t let a horrible person take my voice away. IT made me realize I can truly make a difference in the lives of people. I may not be famous, but I have a passion, a passion for mental health and helping people.

#BipolarDisorder #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #bepresent #Bekind #Suicide

I'm Back - Bipolar Tater

Grant me the serenity to accept everything that isn't me
The courage to change anything that is me
And the presence of mind to recognize the difference #serenityprayer #bepresent #focus

Let’s motivate each other! What are some things that help you get out of a funk, a depression, or make you feel most yourself?! For me, exercise, being outside, writing, music, and spending time with family and close friends! #positivty #Depression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Gratitude #Mindfulness #bepresent #Motivation

Feelings of deeper meaningful and thoughts of how lucky I actually am to have what I have.

Let's focus in what we have that makes us so happy and privileged not what we aspire to make us happy.
#bepresent