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Vulnerability is Powerful

I remember a time where my family gathered at the dinner table. It was not the standard gathering of parents and children, who pass the salad and spilt bread, like we see on tv shows. I never had that. Instead, we had our own version; the dinner table where my parents were almost always absent due to their line of work, and where my grandma was the one in charge of feeding us. Whether my parents were sitting with us at the table or not, I distinctly remember always having my siblings around me. We would share our school stories between us and most often, have my older sister help us with homework once supper was over. That was over 10 years ago, when we didn’t have jobs or odd sleeping/working schedules. Today, I’m lucky to even see my own twin brother more than twice in 24 hours – despite living under the same roof. I eat by myself most times or in the company of my dog, who only joins me to beg for a nibble. I miss the times where I heard their stories and shared my own.

Dr. Starla Fitch’s 2015 TEDtalk on human relationships talks about the importance of human contact. Her message is impactful in the simplest form as she merely suggests for us to give hearing, seeing and talking to each other a chance. Her message is brilliantly important: We are social beings and when social contact is denied we threaten our own lives.

Humans. We are odd creatures. Brene Brown, renowned author, speaks about human vulnerability in her 2010 TedTalk. As I heard the words coming out of her mouth, I began to question my own shame and heartbreaks and struggles. For many years, my weight has been my biggest challenge to overcome. In school I was briefly treated by a school psychologist for bulimia. Prior to treatment, I had already accepted my binging habits as a part of who I was and I did not see myself as being out of control. So much so, that I only attended therapy a few times, believing I did have control. As any teenager would, I promised my mom that to start anew and dedicate myself to school as an emerging freshman in high school. Yet, my disgusting tendencies continued well into high school and not much changed.

It was only at the end of my high school career that I’ve learned to contain my anxiety and fears through reflection and healthy eating. You can say I’ve transformed from a chocolate binging addict to a broccoli obsessionist. I had to let go of my shame, my past hurt and embrace a new me. I had to change for me, not for my mom, not for a school psychologist, but for me. I had to be okay with not knowing this new lifestyle I was to embrace would guarantee a positive change, instead as Brene Brown says I had to accept my vulnerability as a way of life and sought comfort in knowing she was right.

Here’s why: people who were unable to accept their vulnerability become numb and turn uncertainty to certainty. I numbed my pain. I ignored my therapy sessions. I ignored my mom’s pleas and dove into school work as a distraction. Out of stress, I became rude and out of frustration, my reality became terribly skewed. I was certain my family hated me when they looked at me. I was certain I was meant to be fat and forever ugly. So I became mean. I refused to attend family gatherings and made a point to have them know I didn’t want to be around them. I pretended that my struggles were my own problem and that it didn’t effect those around me. I saw how my mom looked at me, in concern, but pretended she looked at me in disgust. I pretended I was fine. I pretended I was okay and didn’t need any help. I isolated myself from family and friend and in parting ways with human connection, I ultimately paid the price.

Human connection is built on love and compassion, and one cannot receive it if one does not practice it. All those years I felt alone was because I made myself lonely. So when I learned to love myself first, I was able to shred the blame and rage I had felt for so long.

#MentalHealth #BreneBrown #psychology #Students #studentinterns #Imhc #GradSchool #MentalHealth #Therapy #counselors #Selflove #vulnerability #Shame #Powerful

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Showing Support & Asking for Support #Support #MentalHealth

To love ourselves and support each other in the process of becoming real is perhaps the greatest single act of daring greatly.
- Brené Brown

Support can be shown in so many ways, big and small. A kind message, a thoughtful gift, a hug, showing up for a difficult conversation, checking in, saying I love you, asking hard questions, spending time together, even a simple like on social media. The ways in which we are able to show support are endless; at the core of each is effort to acknowledge what another is going through. Leaning into discomfort is no easy task. Nobody knows the best way to show up for someone they love who is in the arena - and that's the point. Showing up to let them know you're there to support them is the first step, and it doesn't really matter how it's done. While some can relate to certain tragedy and know how to respond appropriately, many cannot, so showing support becomes a new challenge. Some of us say "well I don't know what to say" and then we go down this rabbit hole trying to find the most appropriate words or way to convey that we feel so deeply for this person while acknowledging their pain without somehow offending, minimizing, or highlighting the obvious. In the end, many decide it's better to say nothing at all without realizing how much their worry and concern would mean to the intended recipient. Whether you present yourself awkwardly, fumbling, and mumbling, or calm, collected, and well spoken, the effort will be there.

Leaning into discomfort and choosing to be an active participant in your own healing journey is a feat in itself. It can take weeks, months, and yes, even years to step out of the darkness and into the arena, ready to fight. Once you're in the arena sharing your pain, you're able to ask for support; once you ask for support, you begin to gain support; once you gain support, you begin to heal; once you begin to heal, you can begin to support others. Without support, healing would seem impossible. Showing support through healing is one of the most beautiful cycles we get to experience in this lifetime.

Show up and let yourself be seen, friends. Today I challenge you to dare greatly, lean into discomfort, and ask for support if you need it or show support to someone who does. Being vulnerable is being brave. Choose to be brave.

#BeBrave #Support #Healing #PTSD #Trauma #ptsdsupport #cptsdsupport #MentalHealth #MentalHealth #youarenotalone #showup #leanintodiscomfort #BreneBrown

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#MentalHealth

Hi my #MightyTogether followers!!! How are you feeling about your recovery journey? I will admit that I struggle with shame due to some of my experiences but as #Survivors we should NOT feel shame or be shamed! We are #warriors #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #SexualAbuseSurvivors #ChildhoodAbuse #Trauma #Hydrocephalus #BreneBrown

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Hidden in Plain Sight #MightyPoets #firstpost

The mask I wear keeps me hidden.
Even from myself.

On days that I feel unworthy, unloveable, unloved...
The mask I wear hides my truth.

To the world I am mighty and composed.
Beyond the surface, I am screaming. I am in code red. I have sounded the alarm. I am yearning for connection and belonging. I am wanting to find peace in the utter distress of the mundane. But regardless of the flickers if joy in my life, “I’m not afraid to go, but it goes so slow.”

The mask I wear is my confidant and my worst enemy. The mask I wear is exhausting and makes me numb to the beauty and to the joy. Because when I numb, i numb everything; the joy, the love, the pain, the agony. Yet navigating the tumulus waters of our existence is somehow easier with this mask.

I want to part ways with the mask I wear. Maybe one day we can part ways... for good.

Because I want to be vulnerable. I want to feel. I want to connect. I want to be present in my life. I yearn for tranquil waters, because the storm is too strong and too much to bear.

#MightyPoets #JeffBuckley #Depression #Anxiety #Connection #BreneBrown

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