Cancer

Hi guys, im new to this group and i want to talk about how my trauma effects me because i dont have anyone i can talk to about it. First of all sorry for how long this post is gonna be.

I go by the name sprinkle (not my real name) and i turn 18 in a month and 1 day. I have experienced all different types of abuse but today i want to talk specifically about something that happened when i was 12.

At that age i was groomed online by a guy two years older than me. He abused me sexually and verbally, some of the things he did was making me send pictures, starting arguments over nothing every single day, threatening to "leave me", and he got me involved in kink communities that i should of known nothing about at that age. He also would drink heavily and he even lied to me about his friend having cancer as an excuse to get drunk. When he finally broke up with me i had enough and refused to get back with him. I blocked him and from that point he started stalking me online and harassing me with multiple other people. This went on for over a year and a half. He would threaten to come to my house and kill me. About a year later i got with a girl one year older than me who then raped me and after raping me cheated on me with my abuser. It was extremely traumatic for me. On top of that, my childhood best friend of 9 years at the time sided with him and helped him harass me. She would talk to him behind my back and tell him everything i was posting. My abuser also got his friends to make fake accounts to stalk my profile and tell him everything i was posting. He would frequently make new accounts to either harass me or send me massive BS apologies, which i never replied to. I threatened him with the police multiple times and it changed nothing. About a year or two later he made another fake account and catfished me to groom me again, even going as far as messaging himself pretending to argue with himself about the abuse. During that time while he was catfishing me, i was very depressed and suicidal, and he told me not to kill myself because if i did the police would go through my phone and arrest him. The first time he groomed me, he told me that if he met me in real life he would hit and rape me because he "cant help himself". He has admitted to me about almost raping another girl before and he would physically harass and bully her in school. She was younger than him and they used to date before he met me. He used to tell me to cut myself and send pictures to him because it was "hot".

To this day he still publicly posts about me almost 6 years later, using an old preferred name that he thinks i still go by (i dont). He makes posts "exposing" gross sexual things i did at the age of 12 as if he wasnt the same person who forced me to do those things. Its extremely triggering for me.

this situation still effects me to this day, i have nightmares about him, i am scared he will come and kill me. Im scared to post about the abuse or even post anything publicly in case he finds me. I cant live my life without being in fear. I am scared to exist online and because of him getting his friends to stalk me i have developed a lot of paranoia about people online. When i make new online friends i get scared theyre his friends pretending not to be. I wanted to talk about it here because this is the only place where theres no chance of him finding me.

i have made a massive effort of protecting myself from him and making sure he cant find me but i still live in fear everyday.

thats all, thank you for listening

Life looks a lot different right now. My almost 2 year old daughter who has Down Syndrome was recently diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. Over the last couple of weeks, she had issues with various things that we equated to normal toddler things. GI issues after changing formulas, teething, fevers we thought were due to the teething, and fatigue which we thought were due to her barely sleeping. Last Thursday, her eyes were swollen shut after I got her home from the baby sitter so I took her to urgent care. They didn’t want to mess with it so it was recommended that we go to the ER. So we took her. They did some blood tests and that’s when we found out the news.

She is currently receiving chemo treatment. Today is day four of chemo, and her last day of treatment this cycle. She will remain in the hospital for monitoring and observation for close to a month to ensure she is responding well to treatment. At some point, she will get to go home for a couple weeks, then be back in the hospital for her next round of treatment. She will need 6 rounds of chemo treatment. At least that is the plan right now.

So far she seems to be responding well to treatment. Right now just managing pain and trying to keep her as comfortable as possible and manage all of the fluid retention.

They expect treatment and overall management of the cancer to be up to two years. There’s a lot to be figured out during this time that we are just trying to take one day at a time. That’s all we can do at the moment.

#BloodCancer #AcuteMyeloidLeukemia #DownSyndrome