Over the past few months, I have heard several times that my memories are false. This is always in a way where the memory has turned against me, as it were, putting me in a victimised position, feeling unseen/unheard/undervalued/unimportant. Besides this, I legitimately forget a lot as well, which might be both due to BPD as well as epilepsy.
Recently, I have become aware of my disassociating, although only at times. The same goes for splitting; I didn’t realise I engaged in this coping-mechanism up until now, although when I look back on earlier years, I was already doing it.
These things, learning about them and encountering my own unhealthy behaviours in the moment or afterwards, are truly painful. The realisation that my mind is playing tricks on me, especially involving people I love and admire very much, is terrifying. What? Why? How? And how much longer? I feel truly awful and have been depressed for a few weeks again now.
What do I do? Does anyone recognise this in themselves and/or have any pointers to deal with unreliable memories and/or splitting? (I tend to split most from myself)