creativewriting

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Calming my mind #MentalHealth #BipolarDepression #freedom #creativewriting

Awake since 4am, working through my self-calming techniques, I go for a walk with only my dog and the stars for company.

When I return home, I curl up with one of my many ways, that I express myself.
Today I write “Change is hard. Mountains understand this. Like me, they are forced to sit. Yet, they also delight in the seasons. Will I too embrace the numerous dress rehearsals today?” #iamthemountain #adrielgrimshaw

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This is a new year. I’m going to get back into posting on here. Hope everyone has a good year ahead.
Picture Description: You may not write well every day, but you can always edit a bad page.
YOU CAN’T EDIT A BLANK PAGE #creativewriting

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Dissociation In Six Parts

1. I’m standing in my elementary school bathroom,

Staring into the mirror;

When I first become

unrecognizable.

2. Seated in the waiting room of a Boston law office,

My father in a meeting,

I stare at a large landscape painting on the wall.

Suddenly I’m falling

through the frame.

I’m twelve.

3. It’s summertime in the Hamptons.

I go to kiss my father goodnight

But I don’t recognize his face —

features distorted and grotesque.

I say nothing, ruminate in bed.

I’m thirteen.

4. I’m age nineteen-almost-twenty,

Recently released from the psychiatric ward,

Out to dinner with friends.

Their voices are far away and echoing,

Then much too loud.

Something is wrong,

Something is wrong,

I have to go home —

Dad says, You’re okay, it was a panic attack.

Go lie down.

5. I’m twenty, sitting on the floor of the family room,

Trying to feel my face —

I can’t feel my face.

I’m touching it, pinching it, but

I can’t feel my hands on my face.

Can I feel my legs?

A little bit.

Something is wrong.

Something is very wrong.

The clock reads 3am when I call my psychiatrist’s emergency line.

You’re in luck, he tells me.

You’re already taking the medication used to treat this —

It’s called depersonalization —

Take extra tonight and call me in the morning.

It should help immediately.

It does.

6. I’m 30-something.

Life is a series of Polaroids,

A glitchy stop motion film,

Sound as if from far away.

Walking the dog,

I fear I’ll fall through

The sidewalk.

I trip over cracks, the world spins faster—-

Where in space is my body?

Where are my feet?

#Dissociation #Depersonalization #Derealization #CPTSD #Anxiety #Trauma #creativewriting

(edited)
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I haven't done this in a while. The last Wednesday of every month I'm doing what's called "creative writing" for all writers.

Pictures are worth a thousand words. I want you to use your creative writing skills to write a sentence or two of a short story, poem, song or a letter to anyone you want. It doesn't matter.

All negative comments will not be tolerated and it will be deleted. Have fun. #Writing #creativewriting

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I haven't done this in a while. The last Wednesday of every month I'm doing what's called "creative writing" for all writers.

Pictures are worth a thousand words. I want you to use your creative writing skills to write a sentence or two of a short story, poem, song or a letter to anyone you want. It doesn't matter.

All negative comments will not be tolerated and it will be deleted. Have fun. #Writing #creativewriting

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Self-created guardian

While in hospital for my mental health, I was taken off of certain medications to be put on new medication. And during this difficult time I started to write poetry. With ADHD I sometimes struggle to put thoughts together in a way that makes sense.. with creative writing I really learned to express how I feel about my situation.

So I wrote a poem about our inner self-created guardians, the inner children that we have inside us that still tries to protect us from harm even when we no longer need them. Whether we have this guardian because of abuse of any kind, I wrote this piece so that people could relate to having that inner voice that can sometimes be guilt creating, harmful and overwhelming.

So while off my meds this is how I strung my thoughts together in hopes that I might find someone who can relate.

The poem’s name is

Self-created Guardian:

Sometimes I'm overcome by a shadow and marked unsafe by feelings of madness,guilt,badness...sadness

That my own mind runs wild searching for peace, my
thoughts making me fight with a "ME" that I have
created out of necessity..

Now that very creation bothers me not only now and then but incessantly...

Trying to find a purpose for existing in a world it was not meant for...

Trying to hold onto the woman that doesn't need her anymore..

How does one create space in one's mind for a self-created guardian? And still exist as one's own protector? One that I have always been? And never even knew...

How then do I become truly "ME" without letting go of you? - a poem by Camron Botha

#MentalHealth #Poetry #creativewriting #Abuse #Survivor #EmotionalAbuse #ADHD #relate #Advocacy #MentalIllness #Love #struggle #medications #poet #Loveothers #wearefamily #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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The girl of yesterday

Yesterday is gone, and no I can't get it back
When all seems to have gone wrong, and nothing made sense
When what I wanted has slipped away
Lost in a misty Haze
Fear grew, and words flew on the wings of birds while the storm brood
There is no re calling, no retrieving the girl I once knew
It seems she is the girl of yesterday, but not yet the girl up today
The past is free to leave as I walk in the in between
It was a trip insane, and the future is not yet seen
It is now relaxing, releasing working to forgive and forget
I am here, I am now, so what good is regret
I offered my heart on innocent wings
But it had no place to land it seems
Tired and weary it flew back on Shattered Dreams
Time now to pick up the pieces, let time and distance heal the pain
I can't always be in control, and so I let go
May God bring blessings for the future
Created from the wreckage by the girl of yesterday

Sometimes our mistakes leave wreckage and consequences we must deal with. This is about facing those consequences and hoping that blessings can come out of the mistakes I made. #BipolarDisorder #MightyPoets #creativewriting # consequences #CPTSD #Anxiety #BipolarDepression #Paranoia

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Does anyone else write in their spare time?

For years now, since I had to leave my job in 2016, I've felt like I'm barely keeping my head above the water. I feel like I could slip beneath the surface and drown at any moment. Until last year, I had absolutely NO purpose whatsoever... And it was slowly killing me from the inside out.

Until I started to write.

Ever since I was a little kid, I've written short stories (and some longer ones) that people have absolutely loved reading. But when I became sick, I lost all my sources of inspiration... So I stopped. But last year, for some completely unknown reason, I had sudden ideas that were bursting to get out of my head and onto paper. So I downloaded Microsoft Office and started to write little bits. But I soon realised I was out of practice. To get back into the swing of it, I began writing fanfiction about the various TV shows and movies that I love. For example; Black Sails. Game of Thrones. The MCU. I even tried my hand a bit of erotica, too.

People have loved my work. It's given me a confidence boost and a purpose. Life is slowly becoming more and more bearable. I plan to continue to write and improve my skills, and hopefully, maybe... One day I'll get published. I love sitting down at my laptop and creating a world of my own, where there's no pain, no disability... Where I can be a normal, healthy human being... At least for a little while.

So... Do any of you write? What genre? Do you find it as freeing as I do?

#chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #posturalorthostatictachycardia Syndrome #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #LiverDisease #Diabetes #Migraines #InterstitialCystitis #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #writingcommunity #WritersCommunity #Fanfic #mcu #blacksails #Writing #creativewriting

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Sebastian and His Cup

A couple years ago, I discovered a short story written by one of my favorite authors in the world, Fredrick Backman. It was entitled “Sebastian and the Troll”, and in the author's words himself, it's a story about "how it feels". I fell in love with the story the minute I read it, and have read it many a time since. Recently, after a particularly hard therapy session, I felt compelled to reread it, and remembered why I loved it so much. So I sent it to my therapist. She, in turn, loved it. And sent me a journal prompt.

See, I had been struggling with some intense suicidal thoughts, to the point where a couple months ago, I had gone out and bought some sleeping pills, my weapon of choice, “just in case”. And I kept finding reasons to not got rid of them. My therapist’s prompt to me was what would the troll say if Sebastian was struggling to get rid of sleeping pills too? There's a moment in the story where the adults try to shove pills into Sebastian's bubble to try and make him feel better, but they just get stuck in the few openings he had left, and don't do anything.

Her prompt, along with that scene, inspired me to write my own little story entitled “Sebastian and the Cup”. Because it got me thinking, what if Sebastian got the pills unstuck? And what if he started collecting, hoarding them, just in case? and what would the troll say to that? Thus, this little story was born. I'm going to link the original story, because it's profound, heart wrenching, and beautiful, and I think everyone should read it. And after all, this story was completely inspired by Backman's.

Here’s my story: docs.google.com/document/d/1Xrr3IwRKt1Dvn6YtcF3HJSO3jB-lcxAA...

Here is the original: www.fredrikbackman.com/2018/01/08/sebastian-and-the-troll #Suicide #Depression #PTSD #Anxiety #Bubble #creativewriting #shortstory

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Am I really depressed? #Depeession #pillshame #Poem

Am I really depressed?

Even tho I have been depressed since my preteens.

No, am I REALLY depressed?

Even tho I've been thru 3 huge traumas in the early stages in my life - including losing my father at a very young age.

Serious, is this really depression?

Even tho I have to refill my medication script every month while listening to the critics that claim that other people have gone thru worse and they are not depressed. Why am I?

Maybe this isn't depression?

Even when I can't get up in the morning and I lie in bed uncontrollable and crying.

Even when I want to swerve my car into oncoming traffic.

Even when I used to be a 10 year old child and I wud cut my wrists because I was a burden to everyone around me.

Even when I can barely move and get hit by a headache inducing panic attack.

But still, even now, even in those dark moments I still ask myself........

Am I depressed?

#Poem #creativewriting #expression #Pain #Anxiety