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    Self-created guardian

    While in hospital for my mental health, I was taken off of certain medications to be put on new medication. And during this difficult time I started to write poetry. With ADHD I sometimes struggle to put thoughts together in a way that makes sense.. with creative writing I really learned to express how I feel about my situation.

    So I wrote a poem about our inner self-created guardians, the inner children that we have inside us that still tries to protect us from harm even when we no longer need them. Whether we have this guardian because of abuse of any kind, I wrote this piece so that people could relate to having that inner voice that can sometimes be guilt creating, harmful and overwhelming.

    So while off my meds this is how I strung my thoughts together in hopes that I might find someone who can relate.

    The poem’s name is

    Self-created Guardian:

    Sometimes I'm overcome by a shadow and marked unsafe by feelings of madness,guilt,badness...sadness

    That my own mind runs wild searching for peace, my
    thoughts making me fight with a "ME" that I have
    created out of necessity..

    Now that very creation bothers me not only now and then but incessantly...

    Trying to find a purpose for existing in a world it was not meant for...

    Trying to hold onto the woman that doesn't need her anymore..

    How does one create space in one's mind for a self-created guardian? And still exist as one's own protector? One that I have always been? And never even knew...

    How then do I become truly "ME" without letting go of you? - a poem by Camron Botha

    #MentalHealth #Poetry #creativewriting #Abuse #Survivor #EmotionalAbuse #ADHD #relate #Advocacy #MentalIllness #Love #struggle #medications #poet #Loveothers #wearefamily #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

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    The girl of yesterday

    Yesterday is gone, and no I can't get it back
    When all seems to have gone wrong, and nothing made sense
    When what I wanted has slipped away
    Lost in a misty Haze
    Fear grew, and words flew on the wings of birds while the storm brood
    There is no re calling, no retrieving the girl I once knew
    It seems she is the girl of yesterday, but not yet the girl up today
    The past is free to leave as I walk in the in between
    It was a trip insane, and the future is not yet seen
    It is now relaxing, releasing working to forgive and forget
    I am here, I am now, so what good is regret
    I offered my heart on innocent wings
    But it had no place to land it seems
    Tired and weary it flew back on Shattered Dreams
    Time now to pick up the pieces, let time and distance heal the pain
    I can't always be in control, and so I let go
    May God bring blessings for the future
    Created from the wreckage by the girl of yesterday

    Sometimes our mistakes leave wreckage and consequences we must deal with. This is about facing those consequences and hoping that blessings can come out of the mistakes I made. #BipolarDisorder #MightyPoets #creativewriting # consequences #CPTSD #Anxiety #BipolarDepression #Paranoia

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    Does anyone else write in their spare time?

    For years now, since I had to leave my job in 2016, I've felt like I'm barely keeping my head above the water. I feel like I could slip beneath the surface and drown at any moment. Until last year, I had absolutely NO purpose whatsoever... And it was slowly killing me from the inside out.

    Until I started to write.

    Ever since I was a little kid, I've written short stories (and some longer ones) that people have absolutely loved reading. But when I became sick, I lost all my sources of inspiration... So I stopped. But last year, for some completely unknown reason, I had sudden ideas that were bursting to get out of my head and onto paper. So I downloaded Microsoft Office and started to write little bits. But I soon realised I was out of practice. To get back into the swing of it, I began writing fanfiction about the various TV shows and movies that I love. For example; Black Sails. Game of Thrones. The MCU. I even tried my hand a bit of erotica, too.

    People have loved my work. It's given me a confidence boost and a purpose. Life is slowly becoming more and more bearable. I plan to continue to write and improve my skills, and hopefully, maybe... One day I'll get published. I love sitting down at my laptop and creating a world of my own, where there's no pain, no disability... Where I can be a normal, healthy human being... At least for a little while.

    So... Do any of you write? What genre? Do you find it as freeing as I do?

    #chronicillnesswarrior #ChronicPain #posturalorthostatictachycardia Syndrome #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #LiverDisease #Diabetes #Migraines #InterstitialCystitis #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #writingcommunity #WritersCommunity #Fanfic #mcu #blacksails #Writing #creativewriting

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    Post

    Se7en Word Story #1 #creativewriting

    Why is abbreviation such a long word?

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    Sebastian and His Cup

    A couple years ago, I discovered a short story written by one of my favorite authors in the world, Fredrick Backman. It was entitled “Sebastian and the Troll”, and in the author's words himself, it's a story about "how it feels". I fell in love with the story the minute I read it, and have read it many a time since. Recently, after a particularly hard therapy session, I felt compelled to reread it, and remembered why I loved it so much. So I sent it to my therapist. She, in turn, loved it. And sent me a journal prompt.

    See, I had been struggling with some intense suicidal thoughts, to the point where a couple months ago, I had gone out and bought some sleeping pills, my weapon of choice, “just in case”. And I kept finding reasons to not got rid of them. My therapist’s prompt to me was what would the troll say if Sebastian was struggling to get rid of sleeping pills too? There's a moment in the story where the adults try to shove pills into Sebastian's bubble to try and make him feel better, but they just get stuck in the few openings he had left, and don't do anything.

    Her prompt, along with that scene, inspired me to write my own little story entitled “Sebastian and the Cup”. Because it got me thinking, what if Sebastian got the pills unstuck? And what if he started collecting, hoarding them, just in case? and what would the troll say to that? Thus, this little story was born. I'm going to link the original story, because it's profound, heart wrenching, and beautiful, and I think everyone should read it. And after all, this story was completely inspired by Backman's.

    Here’s my story: docs.google.com/document/d/1Xrr3IwRKt1Dvn6YtcF3HJSO3jB-lcxAA...

    Here is the original: www.fredrikbackman.com/2018/01/08/sebastian-and-the-troll #Suicide #Depression #PTSD #Anxiety #Bubble #creativewriting #shortstory

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    Am I really depressed? #Depeession #pillshame #Poem

    Am I really depressed?

    Even tho I have been depressed since my preteens.

    No, am I REALLY depressed?

    Even tho I've been thru 3 huge traumas in the early stages in my life - including losing my father at a very young age.

    Serious, is this really depression?

    Even tho I have to refill my medication script every month while listening to the critics that claim that other people have gone thru worse and they are not depressed. Why am I?

    Maybe this isn't depression?

    Even when I can't get up in the morning and I lie in bed uncontrollable and crying.

    Even when I want to swerve my car into oncoming traffic.

    Even when I used to be a 10 year old child and I wud cut my wrists because I was a burden to everyone around me.

    Even when I can barely move and get hit by a headache inducing panic attack.

    But still, even now, even in those dark moments I still ask myself........

    Am I depressed?

    #Poem #creativewriting #expression #Pain #Anxiety

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    A Quick Poem Blurb

    Hi, all. I’ve been doing a lot of work in counseling on anger from my past recently, and the below poem/blurb/flash journal entry came to my mind. Do any of you resonate? Any tips for when counseling opens emotions that you’ve held back for years? Check out my “blurb” below:

    My anger is so big that I want to coat my walls with it. Splatter giant swathes of red paint all over the walls until you can see little else, then squeeze the remaining paint out of the brush by smashing it against the wall until the bristles push out around it like a fan or crumple in on themselves in the middle. I want to watch the paint dripping down the walls and then set a lighter to the drops, just to see if the smell matches the acrid taste I get in my mouth when I let myself feel all of my anger at once. Splatter. Smash. Incinerate. Repeat. I am finally ready to feel it.
    #Anxiety #Depression #Childhood #creativewriting #anger #Counseling

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    Music From Mighty Poetry

    So the other day I got an idea to write some songs based on poems written by my fellow Mighties I got started on one I don't know if I can work on more than one at a time ( thanks #ADHD but if any of you guys have any ideas I'd like to see what I can do If it all goes well I'd like to make videos and most the links even better maybe making an album Any other musicians out there I'm pretty sure this site is a gold mine for ideas - at least I think so It's a good way to relieve stress #CreativeInspiration #creativewriting

    2 comments