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Stages of Post Betrayal Transformation #Csa #infidelity #ChildAbuse

Dr Debi Silber has authored a book covering the way to rebuild after a life crisis centred on betrayal. This is great and I found her Ted Talk amazing. Does anyone else feel that the focus on women by Dr Silber in her writing maps really well to men also, especially survivors of child abuse, CSA and over coming adult relationships which experienced infidelity.

After having been through all these experiences, and over 30 years after the first abuse began (that I can remember) I’m finally coming to terms with it all. I am able to speak about each event, and am receiving treatment to help me on the path.

My next big hurdle is to forgive the perpetrators and to forgive myself. I have hated them all for so long for what they did, yet, they have all been the closet and most important figures in my developmental life. It has taken a complete reinvention to break the link to my past, and I feel that I am finally ready to forgive…the problem is…I have no idea where to begin.

I’m open to any suggestions.

Thank you for your time and patience.

Kind Regards.

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Has anyone tried Electroconvulsive Therapy for depression? #Depression #ECT #PTSD #Abuse #Suicide #infidelity

Has anyone tried ECT as a last resort? I’ve been therapy for 14 years, been hospitalized twice and been on meds the whole time. I can’t seem to stop thinking about just wanting it over. As I get older it gets harder to manage. Help!


How do I deal with the overwhelm I’m feeling

1 week ago, I inadvertently found out that my sister had an extended affair in the past. She kept it secret from everyone, including her husband of 39 years! When I read something online that raised suspicions , I asked my brother in law if if was true. He said he was emailed this info 10 months ago. I detest dishonesty, and I think that the truth usually comes out. Som I’m struggling with this, as she could have just told family they were having marriage hardship when my brother in law found out, yet, she chose not to share any info about that AGAIN! I realize it’s her choice, and I’m not even sure if my other siblings or our mom knows. I have so many emotions not sure what to say to her….
I also have additional pain this week, and an eye infection. It’s compiling and I’m hyper sensitive person…any advice or consolation? I AM SO GRATEFUL TO HAVE MY MARRIAGE OF 26 YEARS (as of tomorrow) solid. He suggests I see a counselor about it, since it’s not even appropriate to talk to about this with anyone.
#emotional #infidelity #Secrets


My Deserved Trauma (trigger warning:sexual harassment) #SexualTrauma #SexualHarassment #Shame #infidelity

I was weak, desperate, and easily manipulated. I was trying to keep myself from falling apart, and nearly ruined my life in the process. He saw an easy opening, and pressed his advantage. I was just one of a long line of trysts for him, but his was the only hand I found reaching out, when I felt like I was drowning, and I grabbed it in desperation. I split myself in two, as I betrayed my very identity. He only wanted one thing, and I knew it from the start, but I needed more. He knew the words to say and I heard what I wanted to hear.

Then, he took it further, and decided to “share” me. For 3 hours of my shift I was followed around, being sexually harassed by my boss. I tried to say no. I told them that’s just not me. I don’t know if they realized that, unlike their long lists of women, my relationships could fit on one hand. I said, not tonight. My “friend” said, right now, let’s go. He grabbed me by the arm, and walked me to the car, my boss right behind us.

I don’t know why I didn’t fight. I don’t know what made me go with them. Maybe I was scared that my boss would fire me. I think I was mostly in shock. It felt like a scene out of books I had guiltily read. After being happily, faithfully married for 9.5 years, before getting involved with this “friend” and also being quite sure that I was not desirable to anyone besides my husband, I couldn’t wrap my head around the current circumstances.

They drove around so long looking for a “safe” place to park that there was no way I’d make it back on time from my lunch break, so I made up a “family emergency” to go home. It didn’t matter. Everyone at work had already figured it out. The gossip, dirty looks, etc. lasted for weeks.

Afterwards, my “friend” bragged about my boss thanking *him*, and telling him how great it was and that “he’s the man”, for letting him in on the action. My boss even bragged to someone within hearing of another employee! At first their comments made me feel proud and sexy. Then, as I looked back, I felt dirty and used.

It had always been about him. Asking me for money. Always on his schedule. It never mattered if I said No. He would manipulate me until I gave in. And I let him. Because I was weak and pathetic. Then, it became about both of them. I was overruled. They didn’t care about my reputation at work. I was pretty much shunned, though I learned that most of the girls there had slept with one or both of them.

I quit that job, and a few months later my “friend” found a way to get a hold of me, and asked how I was and if he could see me. I naively thought he was being sweet and was actually concerned about my well-being. I told him that it would be purely platonic, not physical, and he agreed. I realized just how stupid I’d been, when he first tried to pressure me, and then began threatening to force me. Never have I been so grateful for being too fat to be easily shoved into a back seat. I got away, and blocked him entirely. For once, I was strong.


I'm not ready to let go.

I recently found out about my wife's infidelity. I've been more apologetic than her. Knowing I haven't been the easiest person to get along with. The love is out of her eyes. Divorce is the topic of conversation lately. I even proposed an open marriage. To give her the space to find what she's looking for if it's not me. Or to get it out her system. I feel so stupid but I'm just not ready to lose her. #Marriage #infidelity #Marriageproblems #MarriageWithDepression


Infidelity and abuse. Both led to my depression. #infidelity #domestic abuse #Depression

I should have walked away the first time he cheated. When I forgave and stayed it just gave him the green light to continue. 6 years later it has been patients, neighbors, employees, I stayed because? I was in business with him? I liked the lifestyle after being a single mom and struggling all my life? He did and said all the things I wanted to hear? He gave my kids what I couldn’t afford? Or was it because it was what I was comfortable with after my dad did my mom that way? I think my picker is broke and I pick losers. I never opened my heart up to anyone until him and it’s because I didn’t want the pain of it being broken. He has put me in a place I have never been. I keep telling myself I am not crazy. He saw me as a strong independent lady with good kids, a good job, debt free, and it was a challenging victim for him. Now I am in debt, my kids want the lifestyle I alone can’t give them and I guess he is a drug. The only way to stop addiction is to get away from the drug. Will the depression ever go away?


How do others with BPD reassure their partner/spouse that we are capable of being faithful and not stepping out!?

My husband has concerns about infidelity and told me he doesn’t feel safe in our marriage right now... he knows all about my past prior to therapy and treatment, and one of my coping skills was promiscuous behavior... any good advice about what to do to assure him I am different now??? #BPD #promiscuous #infidelity



My wife was recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not sure I completely agree with that diagnosis, but she seems to use that as her justification for her infidelity. She had an emotional affair about a year and a half ago that had carried on for six months before I became aware. The night I found out I was so unbelievably shattered, while struggling deeply with my own depression, anxiety and PTSD, I kind of lost my mind. I brought out my rifle, while sobbing and begging her to tell me why, I loaded it with shaking hands. I could barely see through the tears, which is probably what saved my life. I managed to put the gun to my chin and pull the trigger, but the gun jammed. In the course of this, my wife (then girlfriend) called 911 and held the phone silently crying and watching me try to unjam the gun. I thought I had managed to clear the chamber and again tried to pull the trigger to no avail. At this point I realized she had dialed 911 and quickly took the clip out of the gun and threw the gun in the closet before taking her phone and hanging it up. Unfortunately (or I suppose fortunately) the police had managed to find the location of the call and showed up. I tried to convince my wife to make them go away and say it was an accident, unbeknownst to me she had gone outside and told them I was inside with a gun trying to take my own life. Needless to say, I spent some time in a psychiatric unit. Fast forward to this past week, I found out she was yet again talking with the SAME person she had the affair with. Her reasoning? She felt guilty that my making her tell this man's wife had "caused" their marriage to end.. and.. she had BPD and doesn't mean to sabotage her relationships. I yet again offer to help her get therapy and work through this together. I hold in my pain so she doesn't feel more hurt. I feel like I have just shut off this metaphorical switch in my brain where I am distancing myself from my own pain to help her with hers. I don't know what to do. I know most would say I should just leave for my own mental health, but I can't. I love her dearly and I want so desperately for this to work. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #Anxiety #infidelity #heartbreak #ineedhelp


Hate what I am #infidelity

All this happened a year ago...

I hate myself. I betrayed my best friend. I betrayed the one person that never lied to me. Who supported me. On top of that she found out through her most difficult time of having a miscarriage. She found out weeks after her miscarriage that I had been sexting with another woman. I felt at fault for her miscarriage. I felt like I was to blame. I can’t look at myself in the mirror without scoffing at my reflection. She left me. I don’t blame her for divorcing me. I deserve to be left. I deserve to be alone. She is an amazing woman and I’ve put her through the worst pain of her life. I don’t deserve her. I miss her but can’t find the words to speak to her. She asks for me to explain to her “why”, and I try to explain and she doesn’t understand me. I want to be with her but I don’t feel like I deserve to be forgiven. I’ve heard people talk to me and tell me “you’re human and you make mistakes”. My fathers health has been declining and we were supposed to have him come live with us. Even though he was being stubborn about it he did agree that it is a viable option. She supported the idea of my father coming to live with us. She wholeheartedly believed that he should be with us. I’m tired. It’s been a year since all this happened. I still haven’t healed, the divorce has finalized, she left with the dogs, I am deployed overseas, my fathers health is still deteriorating, and through all this I still just keeping hoping she can be happy. I want her to heal from the dreadfully dark period of life I was the cause of. I want her to be happy, and if her not being with me leads to her happiness then so be it. I didn’t deserve her anyways. She was too good for me.



So currently I am trying to deal with my recent heartbreaking news about not being able to have kids of my own naturally and it’s not going too well. I go to a therapist Monday evening for the first time. I am hoping she will be able to help me out. But on top of that stress I also am dealing with the fact that my husband cheated on me. He had sex with another woman and he contracted gonorrhea and chlamydia. We both were treated and are both now clean but the thought that he is going to do it again is still lingering in my mind. This situation does not help my healing process. #Infertility #infidelity #Healing #GettingHelp #fml