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I feel so stupid and so ridiculous. *forehead smack* 🤦
A little while ago I posted about how I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend. I have now come to the conclusion that I was confusing my emotions. I did love him. I was in love with him, and I loved him with my whole heart and more. But our opinions are so different and how we think if so different, it never would've worked. And I'm okay with this, honestly. The reason I titled this "I feel so stupid and so ridiculous. *forehead smack* " is because I think that by the end, I knew that we weren't meant to be together, and through that, I began lusting for him. I've never wanted to have sex with anybody before. It was never something I thought about. My friends all talk about when they wanna lose their v-card and I just wasn't worried about it, never really cared. And then I met him. He opened up a new part of me and I confused lust for love in the end. I told him about it and he said it was weird, which I expected. Because it is kind of weird. However, it is how I feel. When l lose my virginity I want it to be with somebody I love, somebody who truly loves me. And that's where my thoughts stopped and I wondered. Because he just wants to lose it. He doesn't care if he's dating the girl or if he loves her. He said that it would help, but he doesn't care. Knowing this, and knowing how I feel about him work perfectly hand in hand. I think that because I was in such a state of learning that I wasn't completely broken (via him) that I was in a "fog" so to say, as to where I believed that I was going to, and wanted to spend my life with him. I don't want that. I want someone who is like him, but also completely different. I'm not sure that I want him even just as a friend in my life right now, but I know that he's in my life as he is for a reason. I believe that everything happens for a reason. So he is in my life, and me in his for a reason, whether this reasoning has happened yet or not is unknown, but we will learn soon enough. Either way, my point here is that I have finally learned how to evaluate my emotions to a point where I can look at them and know exactly how I feel. And I am very proud of this. 😁🥰
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