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    Reflection after breaking up with a toxic ex #Abuse #Ex

    It has been 3 years to the day tomorrow since I broke up with my toxic abusive ex I still can’t believe I wasted so much time with someone so horribly abusive she would scream at me for no reason if I did even the slightest thing she didn’t want me to do she would get angry if I couldn’t get her something or if I couldn’t afford it she would get angry and then generally hit me she even hit me so hard I’m the mouth once she knocked a filling out of my mouth but for me the last straw was she hit me then my neice no more then the age of 3 said why are you hitting my uncle Rob then my ex went to hit her I just reacted and slammed my ex against the wall as hard as I could then I said we are done get the hell out of my house from that moment on I felt a sense of relief she is finally gone the one thing I learned from that horrible relationship was how to see the right one the one you we’re always supposed to be in now 3 years later I’m in the greatest relationship with the best woman in the world a woman I’m so happy to call my fiancé she has helped me heal from so much she truly is a god sent an angel I was lost before my fiancé came into my life now I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it and I can honestly say I found my soulmate

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    Coming to grips #Abuse #Ex

    I’m still learning to this day all the effects the abuse I suffered from my ex had on me one for example is I still almost tense up and flinch when a person reaches towards my face since that is where my ex would hit me it’s not even just physical things for example when someone says we need to talk and won’t tell me what’s wrong I start freaking out since for so long my ex would say that start screaming at me then normally hit me but the worst is at night when the memories really start coming to mind some nights I wake up physically shaking and in tears my fiancé is truly the sweetest she comforts me when ever that happens and reassuring me I’m safe and she will never let her hurt me again I was wondering is there anything else I can do to get through this

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    A dream about my ex

    I just woke up from a dream about my ex. He is a narcissist. I have had no contact with him since 2013, but somehow he shows up in my dreams. I hate this!
    It feels like I can't fully break free from him even after such a long time. How is he still in my head?? How can I get him out?
    Not the start to 2022 that I wanted...

    #Dream #nightmare #Ex #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #narcissisticabusesurvivor #EmotionalAbuse #mentalabuse #spiritualabuse #Trauma #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD

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    I feel so stupid and so ridiculous. *forehead smack* 🤦

    A little while ago I posted about how I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend. I have now come to the conclusion that I was confusing my emotions. I did love him. I was in love with him, and I loved him with my whole heart and more. But our opinions are so different and how we think if so different, it never would've worked. And I'm okay with this, honestly. The reason I titled this "I feel so stupid and so ridiculous. *forehead smack* " is because I think that by the end, I knew that we weren't meant to be together, and through that, I began lusting for him. I've never wanted to have sex with anybody before. It was never something I thought about. My friends all talk about when they wanna lose their v-card and I just wasn't worried about it, never really cared. And then I met him. He opened up a new part of me and I confused lust for love in the end. I told him about it and he said it was weird, which I expected. Because it is kind of weird. However, it is how I feel. When l lose my virginity I want it to be with somebody I love, somebody who truly loves me. And that's where my thoughts stopped and I wondered. Because he just wants to lose it. He doesn't care if he's dating the girl or if he loves her. He said that it would help, but he doesn't care. Knowing this, and knowing how I feel about him work perfectly hand in hand. I think that because I was in such a state of learning that I wasn't completely broken (via him) that I was in a "fog" so to say, as to where I believed that I was going to, and wanted to spend my life with him. I don't want that. I want someone who is like him, but also completely different. I'm not sure that I want him even just as a friend in my life right now, but I know that he's in my life as he is for a reason. I believe that everything happens for a reason. So he is in my life, and me in his for a reason, whether this reasoning has happened yet or not is unknown, but we will learn soon enough. Either way, my point here is that I have finally learned how to evaluate my emotions to a point where I can look at them and know exactly how I feel. And I am very proud of this. 😁🥰

    #psychology #encouragingWords #encouragementquotes #encoragement #positivequote #PositiveThinking #quittingisnotanoption #MentalIllness #dontgiveup #MentalHealth #mentalhealthmatters #InvisibleIllness #mentalwellbeing #inspirational #inspirationalquote #Therapy #psychology #LGBTQ #Depression #Anxiety #Love #mensuck #Love #lusting #movingforward #teenagers #Toxic #Boyfriend #Ex #exboyfriend #Depression #Journaling #DistractMe #BipolarDisorder #selfcare #MightyPoets #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #letstalkdepression #PTSD #WorkingOnIt #growing

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    Ex bf won’t leave me alone?

    Last night at 4 am he made a new account (one that hasn’t been blocked) and told me to look on my porch. I go out and there’s little presents and also a love letter, which honestly had some creepy things in it. Everytime i tell him i don’t want to be with him he would say “i know you do, you’re just scared”. he doesn’t listen. Anytime i tell him to please stop he says “fine i guess i’ll just suppress my feelings then” and this makes me feel like a terrible person. it feel like emotional abuse but i don’t know. like i’m trapped into a corner and there’s no way out #Ex #Love #EmotionalAbuse #Abuse

    10 comments
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    Goodbyes and worries

    I’ve been saying goodbyes. To the people I’ve worked for for 5 years, my ex’s parents (or so I had thought), and in a few days my colleagues. And next week, my home town (though I have already moved in, I am having to finish work up in my home town first).

    I gave up the one-sided efforts with my ex. I finalised them on Monday, when I went to deliver him a letter. It explained that I couldn’t be his friend, with the reasons being things that were down to him. Because I couldn’t blame myself for any of it, and I explained the ways I tried to in the letter.

    Unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on the way you view it), my faith and my personality make me a very forgiving person. Add in the fact I’m supposed to be living with him, I was never exactly able to cut him off.

    I had a message from E (my ex) after I left, which was more of an apology than the “sorry” I got in person. And he said he would do whatever it takes to make up for the wrong he did and the hurt he caused. I acted cold but he was insistent. So the next day I messaged him extending an olive branch, but I warned him that if things didn’t change that it was going to go back to what led to the letter. But so far, things are no different and I’m the only one bothering. I know it’s not fair of me to say that given it’s only been a few days, but from dating him I know him. I don’t believe things will change. But I’m giving him the opportunity all the same.

    In other news, I’ve had other stuff going on.

    I lost another 5 pounds. I’m back to the same weight I was 4 years ago, and it takes the total weight loss to 10 pounds in less than a month. It’s a lot to weight to lose to illness and depression (10% of my body weight). I’m hoping it is just that, but I guess I will find out when I have my blood test in a few weeks.

    I haven’t heard back from ENT since I had my hearing test, so I called them today. Apparently they hadn’t passed on the results to the doctor that saw me, and it took me calling them for them to do that. So I have some extra waiting time now because of that, and also worry because I have been in this situation before and they’ve discharged me. Surely they shouldn’t this time with hearing loss though?

    I’ve also been feeling really burnt out as of late. It feels like all I do is work, eat, sleep. I’ve just got to get through this week and things should be easier though, but then also busier so I can’t really win either way.

    Anyway, here’s to hoping things will settle down soon. And I wish the same for anyone else who feels like they just have everything going on.

    #Depression #MentalHealth #illness #WeightLoss #Ex #ent #HearingLoss #underweight #goodbye #moving #Forgiveness #Burnout #burntout #breakup

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    My abusive ex won’t leave me alone

    My abusive ex just can’t take the hint that I have no feelings for her anymore I’m now engaged to the most beautiful and amazing woman who I love with every fiber of my being my ex was truly awful she would hit me and insult me all the time and being a guy I couldn’t just simply hit her back and I think she knew that and when ever she sees me she comes running up to me and says I still love you please take me back and she knows I’m engaged and I’m in love with the woman I’m with it’s like every time I see my ex it opens old wounds and my fiancé is so good at calming me down how can I get my ex to leave us alone # relationship #Abuse #Ex

    4 comments
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    obsessive thinking

    does anybody still hold on to past people ?( ex’s, friends) like obsess what they are doing and if they are happy. how can i still think about my ex everyday after 9 years ?! #soulties #stuckinthepast #Ex #howtomoveon

    6 comments
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    You think you know someone #friend #Ex

    Where do you begin. Someone said to me the other day, start at the beginning. I don’t see the point. That’s the problem I care to much and I get kicked in the guts.

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    5 months post breakup

    Been doing No-contact for over 2 months now and I have a lot of days where I'm okay, and then I'm down. My thoughts have gone from being about missing him to now just imagining scenarios. I don't want him back. It's not him I miss, but the connection and the relationship stuff. I know what I'm worth and what I deserve, but I just wish I could stop thinking about him. He's never reached out since the NC started and I can't help but think that's he fine and that he doesn't care anymore. The relationship wasn't going to last long term but 21 months is a long time and the fact that he was able to let me go so easy is heartbreaking. He likely was able to detach because he's a fearful avoidant and lost interest way before the breakup. I'm glad I don't miss who he is and that I can last without talking to him. Wish I knew when it would get even better and when he won't be on my mind all the time. #Breakups #Singlelife #anxious -preoccupied #fearfulavoidant #Ex