exhausted

When you’re younger, your cup is whole, but as you grow older the hole begins to grow.

Out from the cup your water flows into others, the flow only passing on and on.

The day comes when you realize,

’well what about me?’

but you let it go on too long, you let it happen too much and now you’ll never be complete. #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #Insomnia #LateNightThoughts #ADHD #exhausted #BipolarDepression

Count down the minutes!

I’m gonna bang out 20 pages today.

I’ll hate it as the clock counts down.

I’ll do 40 pushups in 20 minutes.

And I’ll bang out each rep and hate it all the same.

15 minutes of jogging

And I’ll hate every second and every second step.

Let me push myself.

Past the next minute from yesterday’s clock.

I hate myself and I’m pushing myself everyday.

A dopamine hit from progress.

I never enjoyed any step of the way.

Wake up at 5:00am

Then 4:59

Then 4:58 the day after that

Discipline is the only way.

I hate the process and love every number.

I can’t enjoy the steps just the number.

My life is a journal and I log everyday.

I’m miserable and I died

Counting each and every day.

#Burnout #exhausted #Productivity #MentalHealth #mensissues

This year, literally the past six months, it seems like my husband is letting his depression win. He’s always upset, angry and/or depressed. There’s always a trigger that sends him into a negative thought loop, but the thoughts that seem to keep popping up is that he’s lonely and it’s all his fault, and that he’s never going to amount to anything because he doesn’t earn enough money. He upset about not having friends to hang out with, yet he won’t try to stay committed to anyone long enough to gain a friendship. He’s upset about not being able to afford everything his heart desires because his job won’t pay him enough money. Then he cites both of these things as being reasons as to why this life isn’t worth living. He gets livid and irate. He ends up mad at every little thing. I don’t know what else to do. He’s gone to therapy for years. He refuses to go on medication unless it’s the medicine he wants. I’ve tried my hardest to be supportive and to be there for him, but I really just don’t know what to do. He’s fine for one week then the next he’s mad at the world or himself. It’s a constant vicious cycle. I love him, but I’m exhausted and at my wits end. #Depression #exhausted #help
Update: He just wants to sleep all the time now. I’ve never seen him get this bad. I don’t know what to do.

Saw my pain management provider this morning.
My last procedure didn't help me.
She's going to talk with the surgeon and see if there is anything else they try, but she didn't seem very confident, almost to the point of being sad as she talked.
She's also leaving her position at the pain management department at the hospital,.
and going to a different position .
Hope is gone.
Wishes are gone.
Happiness is gone.
I'm almost gone.
Nobody should have to live like this.
Thank you for the kind words you've said to me.
I can't fight anymore, I give in.
My nightmare is ending.

Anyone else just get so unhappy with how your life has turned out, but you feel powerless to change it? Then you’re sitting there crying thinking to yourself that this can’t be my fucking life. There was supposed to be more than this. It’s supposed to be better than this. I’m supposed to be happy. Not miserable. #quarterlifecrisis #exhausted