Have you ever expressed you’re a level 2 support autistic person and people would invalidate you because “you came to this appointment by yourself”?
People think of autistic people as two sides of a coin, like it’s black and white, but the “scientific” name already says ‘spectrum’. And that spectrum isn’t only on some classic functional tasks, not only that, but autism usually comes with other comorbidities, like me who has a personality disorder, probably undiagnosed ADHD, and many body structural differences that might be related, such as dispraxia. And my luck is just right for me to also be born with congenital cataracts, an eye disease that also loves to come with something else, such as glaucoma (not my case) or in my case, retinal dystrophy, that might be retinitis pigmentosa, I still don’t know which type of dystrophy I have.
So even trying to put autism into three categories, you still have a whole spectrum on each, the only way I see that makes this classification possible is the wording:
1. Support Needs
2. Substantial Support Needs
3, Constant Substantial Support Needs
This wording makes it vague enough to make a classification possible, and due to people viewing autism as black and white, the support needs level 2 ends up being the one people often forget, invalidate and misunderstand.
I’m a type of person who’ve been through forced independence, I started catching busses by myself at 10 when I started going to school by bus after having gone through very aggressive bullying on the school van that would get me to school. Autism wasn’t so spoken about, much less autism on females assigned people, so I had to learn a lot of social cues, communication, non-verbal communication skills (tho I’m still terrible at them), social norms, expressiveness and knowing how to pick my words when talking. It’s exhausting, I suffer from autistic burnout for years, and one of the causes is the constant task of knowing how to articulate my needs, or bend myself to be flexible, despite having cognitive rigidity, because others wouldn’t do it, even being neurotypicals. So at first glance people can’t realise I’m on the level 2 category, because my adapting skills are very sharp and I adapt fast to new situations. That’s why I pointed this to blindness, because I got blind, and I adapted. I had no one to teach me how to use a cane so I taught myself. I’m still waiting for the daily activities rehab part from the blind foundation but I just can’t stop my life to sit and wait. I want to learn how to make my own make up, and I basically started making my own make up already, I need to learn the techniques for that, but while I wait, I just do my best to be able to do something.
I might not show so much support needs on socialising, learning communication skills and articulation, because I adapted. But if I get to a meltdown, there’s nothing that will make myself snap out of it, I need intervention from people to help me and avoid that I put myself at risk. Usually after a meltdown I have a shutdown too, so I just fall asleep without much control over it.
To catch the tube by myself I need to listen to music so I keep calm, and nowadays there’s a musical I listen to absolutely every time I need to go out, that helps me self regulate. I stim a lot and often get censored by people close to me, and I have to remind them that I need to make constant and repetitive movements when I’m overwhelmed. But this is not where it ends.
When it comes to my body, I don’t know when I need to pee unless I’m urgently needing it, so UTIs are basically my daily companions. I can’t feel satisfied after eating, so sometimes I need someone to give me a hint that I’m not eating in a healthy way. I don’t like most of the stuff that can make you gain weight but I’m obese because other factors. I have insanely high tolerance to pain, I might break a bone, and it happened before, and not know it, because well it might hurt but it’s too little to actually give me some concern. At the same time I am extremely sensible to my internal organs, so I know EXACTLY where I feel what I feel. If I feel chest pain I won’t jump to conclusions that I might be having a heart attack because I know if it’s a pain on the boobs, the lungs, the heart, the esophagus, etc. it even got me confused lately because I’m feeling a pain on a place I don’t know which organ could even be there to ache, other than my intestines, but the pain doesn’t give the vibe of intestinal cramps. So all that already show how much substantial support I need just for functioning a bit. But I also need support when it comes to daily tasks.
I hashed depression in here too because of this. Me getting depressed makes me not take care of my house and myself, and I do have very severe depression, that can be very crippling sometimes. And also have to deal with PDA. So trying to humiliate me, or repeat many times to me that my house needs cleaning actually makes me not clean it. My mum had to find the right words and empathy to make me start reacting and taking care of myself and everything. But I still need this support. Sometimes if I try giving myself rules, I don’t really follow them, I just feel frustrated when I do something out of the pattern I usually follow and then the repercussion is that I don’t know where I left something. And this is why I hashed blindness too. Because being blind means I have to be even more strict with organising routines so I know where everything is, and can find it later. But without clear instructions of what I have to do… I just don’t know how to. Yes I adapt, yes I try my best, yes I do without waiting, but I’m still not able to find directions without someone to direct me. It might sound silly, but my support needs actually makes me need direction from a third person. So I want so bad to get to the daily activities habilitation so I can learn how to organise stuff properly.
This is a bit frustrating for me to express, because I don’t want to use my depression, autism or blindness as crutches to justify a messy house. But I know that I need someone to direct me on some tasks, or I just can’t do it myself. And I wish people could understand how that is a need, and not me talking BS. Even if it’s not a classic need from a person with substantial support needs, it still is my need, just like there are people with ASD that can’t cross a street by themselves. It’s a need, and instead of invalidation and ableism, the world would be better if only everyone’s needs would be respected.
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