hospital

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I’m still alive. I mentioned how I was considering suicide without a plan to my therapist and she called the crisis team and ended up staying at a hospital for 3-4 days (which I really didn’t like). No one, including my therapist, saw coming about having to stay as the crisis team told me that if I didn’t like it there, I could leave.

That was a lie by the crisis team, intentionally or not intentionally so. However, my Dad explained to me why they say that anyway - they don’t know the individuals they are helping and want to help them incase they don’t go, they might end up hurting themselves more instead of getting the help that they need. Even my dad agreed that it helps most individuals, and that’s awesome, but there’s always that small percentage that will not work for them, and that includes me.

I, including my dad, all of my partners, and very likely my therapist as well, was so pissed that I had to stay there since Tuesday, and I left yesterday afternoon. All I got out of staying there was more anxiety, being more triggered, and medication (which I do hope does something, at least). I’m so glad that I moved up to another unit the day before I was discharged because I kept getting triggered by other patients’ outbursts that were happening everyday.

I was already done with suicidal thoughts a few hours after I got there the first day. I even scratched myself the second day (not in a suicidal way) because of how pissed off I was for not getting to leave that day me and my Dad wanted to (not in front of anyone or any camera, luckily, because I would hate to have to stay there even longer). I was grieving the life I had and felt like everything’s been stripped away from me. I wanted to see my dad again. I wanted my clothes back. I wanted my phone back. I wanted my polyamorous wedding ring back.

My dad knows everything that goes on with me. He knows what specific treatment I should be getting when it comes to therapy, and I always like talking to him about whatever is going on with me. He is very caring and understanding.

That hospital had good intentions, though. I understand that they couldn’t really do much about it because of laws (besides the doctor I had there making me leave early instead of 5-7 days, thank goodness for that), so I don’t blame them. But never again. I’m so happy I’m back home, and I’m so happy to see my dad again!! 🫂

#MentalHealth #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #Selfharm #Hospital #feelingbetter

Oncology floor developing pneumonia,no anc which nurse told my sister that's your immune system 101.2 fever 6.2 hemablogin getting blood transfusion. Need prayers. #Cancers #Hospital

Time is like anything. You need the right amount of it to be okay. Too much or too little and you lose yourself.

I'm in hospital at the moment, struggling with my mental health. The relativity of time is messing with me at the moment. I have too much time, so much time. So much time that I'm losing my mind. I need less time, more things to do.

I can't wait to leave now, I guess that means that it's time for me to go. Or at least, continue my journey on the outside. Unfortunately, I have one more week. #MentalHealth #Hospital

In the hospital again. This time I have pancreatitis! I need surgery they said because a bile duct is blocked off, but the surgery can't happen without an endoscopy. The endoscopy is scheduled for freaking September! They're trying so hard to rush it. If they don't I'm just gonna keep ending up here in the hospital. They admitted me this time. I was glad to have my hospital go bag made and ready this time.
The things wrapped around my legs are for blood flow so I don't get a clot. #AutonomicDysfunction #ChronicPancreatitis #Hospital

How’s everyone’s memorial day going? Sorry for the rant but I am so irritated right now. I am in the hospital with a kidney infection and they will not give me a carb bolus before I eat. When I tried to explain to the doctor what that was, she was like ‘I don’t understand.’ She said ‘This is just our policy.’ Basically, They want ppl to have a post meal spike and treat the spike afterwards. All I’ve been eating is the proteins and of course my BG have still been running high. I’m understandably furious 🤬