I would like to help my husband find suitable employment, but I don't know where to start. He was so proud of his last job, and when it fell through, he bottomed out. He managed to work up the courage to apply to a few places, and respond to call-backs, in the aftermath. When none of them worked out, it resulted in him being even more discouraged, depressed, and prone to panic and confused thoughts. He says he feels worse than if he had not tried at all. I try to tell him that trying and 'failing' is more courageous and noble than never trying at all, but it does not help him feel better to know this. He is certain that every time he tries he will continue to face obstacles and barriers to employment, due to forces outside of his control - namely a lack of understanding with regard to his limitations and of his strengths, or a lack of belief on the employers' part that he has any disabilities at all. We need to apply for disability benefits I think because he is indicating that he can't try again, and the fact of the matter is we will be homeless if we have no secondary income. All the time I spend at work disturbs him, as he is left alone all day and night several days a week, leaving him feeling neglected, alone with disturbing thoughts, as well as guilty, and this makes him further depressed and discouraged. If I work in great frequency to support our household, he feels guilty, and alone, and he suffers. If I don't work, we will be homeless, he will feel guilty, and he will suffer. I need help to unburden him from his suffering, but I don't know where to look. He says homelessness will be better than being apart all the time, but I don't want to be homeless again. He needs stability in his life, even though he gravitates toward chaos. I need stability. We both do. I have trouble making him have clarity on this front. He has this idea that homelessness is more stable than the uncertainties presented to him in the workforce. This is not true. It seems true, because he forgets just how bad being homeless was. No showers, no protection from weather, no way to prepare food, no safety from predators, no freedom of movement, the persistent presence of drugs and alcohol and those who use them, thus temptation (he used to self-medicate with substance abuse), and an ever-present risk of arrest. When I remind him of this reality, he just becomes even more depressed. I know life feels like a trap to him. But I'm trying to find the trap-door. I know there is a way to land on our feet and overcome the harrowing odds. I hope we find friends to help us, or that we merely catch a financial break where we can effectively help ourselves. #PTSD #Bipolar #BipolarDisorder #Marriage #perseverance #LiverDisease #MarfanSyndrome #Work #help #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #institutionalization #Fear #Love #InvisibleIllnesses #SubstanceAbuse #Selfinjury
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