introvert

I genuinely crave solitude. I love being alone because it’s the only time I can fully unmask and be myself. I’m still quiet — I’m always quiet — but in solitude, I’m alive in a different way. I’m writing, watching shows, reading, listening to music, doing all the things that help me feel grounded and calm. It’s the one place where the weight of performing, masking, and constantly reading the room finally melts off my shoulders.

But the truth is, I also yearn for connection. I need it. As much as I thrive in solitude, I don’t do well in prolonged isolation. If I go too long without seeing someone, I start drifting into hermit mode and disappearing into my own world until I realize I haven’t had a real conversation in days. So once a week, I meet up with a friend. It keeps me tethered to the world, keeps me from retreating so far inward that climbing back out feels impossible.

And then there’s the whole FOMO thing. My fear of missing out isn’t about being left out of something fun, it’s deeper, almost existential. It leaves a horrible feeling knowing that you’re being left out.

Most of my friends live out of state, scattered across different corners of the country. When I see photos of them together or hear stories about spontaneous hangouts or late-night conversations I wasn’t part of, something inside me aches. I feel jealous. I imagine them laughing, creating memories, having those “remember when?” moments that bond people together, and I’m hundreds of miles away. I want to be there witnessing those moments instead of hearing about them afterward.

But here’s the irony, the part that always makes me laugh at myself a little. When I am there, when I fly out and finally hug them and settle into their world, my social battery drains faster than anyone realizes. I’ll be happy, genuinely happy, soaking up every bit of connection… and at the same time, the noise starts getting louder, conversations start overlapping, and my brain begins buzzing.

And yet, I stay. For a week, usually. A whole week of navigating that push and pull. I try to be present, to laugh, to listen, to join in, to make memories I’ll hold onto forever.

But even in that closeness, I crave my own quiet corner. I crave a room to retreat into somewhere I can breathe, unmask, decompress, and return to myself. By the end of each day, my body aches for silence the way some people crave sleep or sugar. I find myself slipping away to the bathroom for a few minutes just to be alone and let the noise inside me settle.

It’s such a strange contradiction — wanting to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Wanting to make memories while needing solitude to survive them. Wanting connection but requiring space in order to enjoy it. It’s a constant balancing act, and I’m always afraid of tipping too far in either direction: too much solitude, and I disappear; too much connection, and I fall apart.

Sometimes it feels impossible living a life where I want both things, deeply and fiercely. I enjoy people, but not for too long. I love going out, but the moment I arrive, I find myself wishing I were home. And once I’m home long enough to recharge, I start craving company again — that comforting presence of someone sitting next to you, even if you’re both doing your own thing.

This tension shapes so much of my life. Between replenishing my spirit in solitude and participating fully in the world around me, it feels like walking a thin line. I’ll lean too far one way and I isolate myself; lean too far the other and I burn out.

But maybe this interplay between solitude and connection isn’t meant to be “fixed.” Maybe it’s about learning to incorporate both desires instead of choosing one over the other. Because when both are balanced, life feels richer, calmer, and more vibrant. I’m able to exist fully as myself.

“Between silence and togetherness, I am constantly stitching myself back into wholeness.” - Unknown

#MentalHealth #Introvert #Neurodiversity #ADHD

In all honesty, dating makes me cringe. Which is generally why I avoid it at all costs. For me, the thought of small talk with a complete stranger in an awkward setting makes me want to disappear entirely. I’ve always been the definition of a true introvert. I’m not speaking for every introvert out there, but for me, I’m quiet, shy, and often uncomfortable in my own skin. Dating has never just been about meeting someone new. It’s about energy, and for introverts like me, energy is a precious thing.

When you’re introverted, dating can be mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. It’s not about the usual nerves. It’s more about the pressure to perform socially. I’ve had dates where silence felt unbearable, or when I instantly knew there was no spark. In those moments, all I wanted to do was go home and recharge. The thing is, I crave deep emotional connections and intimacy, but I wish I could skip the surface-level small talk and go straight into the real conversations. Otherwise, dating essentially feels like an interview, and I can’t stand those.

Then there’s online dating, which feels even harder. Scrolling through some strangers’ profiles doesn’t make me feel connected. It makes me feel more distant. The whole process feels so impersonal. Judging someone based off their looks without even knowing who they are doesn’t sit right with me. I also hate the feeling of putting myself out there on display for others to “swipe” on. Personally, online dating is a nightmare, and I rarely go on the apps anymore.

I’ve always preferred the idea of meeting someone organically. But as an introvert, I tend to give off a quiet, reserved vibe that often keeps people from approaching me. It’s not intentional, it’s just instinct for me to retreat to corners, stay on the sidelines, and protect my energy.

Being single for so long has been both lonely and comforting. I value solitude and a space to just be me. It’s where I feel most at peace. But I do long for love. Even if the idea of opening up feels terrifying. As an introvert, I know I’m slow to trust and even slower to let people in. And that means very few people have seen the real me.

I’m also extremely picky. Deep connections don’t happen often for me, so when they do, they have to be real. I need both physical and emotional attraction, and I’ll never settle for less. That might mean waiting longer, but to me, it’s worth it.

Why Dating Feels Different for Introverts

Through my experiences, I’ve realized that introverts approach love differently:

Energy comes first. Social situations drain us. A loud bar might excite an extrovert, but for an introvert, it’s a nightmare. Quiet settings allow us to feel safe and present.

Small talk is exhausting. Introverts crave depth. We’d rather skip the weather updates and dive straight into what really matters.

We move slower. Introverts take longer to open up, and that’s okay. The right person will respect our pace.

Connection over quantity. We’re not built for dating dozens of people at once. One meaningful connection outweighs dozens of casual encounters.

Being an introvert in the dating world can feel isolating, but it also comes with some strengths. We don’t settle for superficial connections. When we love, it’s intentional, deep, and very real.

Yes, I’ve avoided dating because of my fears, awkward experiences, and need to protect my heart. But I also know this: when I do meet someone who understands my introverted heart, it will be worth the wait. And if that never happens, at least I’ll know I stayed true to myself and never compromised who I am.

Because at the end of the day, introverts may struggle in the dating world, but we’re also the ones who understand the true value of love when it finally arrives.

“For introverts, love isn’t about quantity—it’s about depth.”--Unknown

#MentalHealth #ADHD #Introvert #neurod #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismSpectrumDisorder

Follow my journey managing my #MentalHealth

Scarf the Squirrel is my alter ego; I pretend to be her. It is how I cope with life; I keep in touch with my inner child. So, the two of us here are only one!! As I write my story, I develop a connection and a friendship with my characters. It is how we cope with life as an adult when we suffer from generalized anxiety and social anxiety with Autism. It can be quite difficult for me to bond and maintain a social life. The misunderstandings between me and other people can wear at my heart, which is unfortunately already exhausted, that is the Autism kryptonite. Playing pretend has brought me back to life and has brought me inner peace and happiness. It has helped me combat loneliness. I will be telling my story here; perhaps it may help or inspire you. Let me know your thoughts?

#Autism #Depression #SocialAnxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Loneliness #Anxiety #Introvert

My birthday is actually in May on the tenth. And I celebrated it the day after because of the fact that I always have depression on the day of my birthday. I found out that they have a word for that which is fragapanophobia.

I am beginning to think that I honestly have birthday phobia. And I’ll tell you why, it all started when I was a little girl. I have a distinct memory of me crying in the bedroom on my birthday. I always remember feeling sad on or around my birthday. My emotions were always tied up in gloom.

I’m not 100% certain why but if I had to try and put my finger on it. I’ll say that it has to do with the fact that May is one of the most celebrated months with so many special occasions. And my birthday has frequently been overshadowed where people would say to me, “Oh, that’s right. Today is your birthday isn’t it?” My birthday has almost always been forgotten about by my family and friends. Unless I remind them.

But, me possibly having fragapanophobia isn’t the only reason why I am always so depressed about my birthday. But I identify as a HSP a highly sensitive person, I am a easily triggered mess, and I am introverted. I want to be celebrated but I also want to be left alone.

I celebrated my birthday the day after with a spa day and had a whole hour to myself which was incredibly relaxing. The day after my birthday was pretty sweet. But the day of was to be expected, because my two closest siblings forgot to call and wish me a happy birthday. I was so bummed and I purposely scheduled a therapy session for my birthday but it was canceled.

Yeah, this may be my second post on #TheMighty of me pouting about my birthday. But I will say that although I was hurt. It hurt a little less then it had in my past. And I’m just hoping that I’ll soon be able to not have to hurt at all.

It is Mental Health Month. And I’m determined to make sure I prioritize myself and not let my emotions dictate how I spend my birthday weekend. My plan is to write a book about it since it is such a constant theme for my birthdays. And grow from this since I’m blessed with life I want to be thankful for it.

I won’t be reminding people of my birthday anymore. If they truly care they’ll remember on their own. Just like I do when it’s theirs. As soon as their birthday month pop up on the calendar I always mark the date to be sure to show them so much love. I pray that it is reciprocated with the same amount of love🎉🎈🎁. #Introvert #HSP #Depression #Loneliness #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness