ion

#Addiction
My borderline traits lead me to needing something to fill the emptiness that I feel alot of the time.

365 days since the day I determined to be clean and sober for the rest of my life.
I am extremely grateful to the woman that I love for bravely choosing to do everything that needed to be done to save my life. I can never repay that debt but to the very deepest parts of my soul I will be eternally grateful. She has left, it's been 9 months since she left and 8 months since I have even been able to hear her voice.
It has been the biggest blow to my life, but I fought through this hurt and pain and have stay clean. I do know that it must have hurt her immensely to do the things she knew needed to be done so that I might have a chance to stay alive and live a much better life. Thank you Melissa.
1 year, 365 days clean from methamphetamine today!
I know that I am a better man today than I was 366 days ago.
Thank you God for the strength and determination to be clean and sober. Thank you Melissa for being strong enough and loving me enough to do the things that needed to be done.

I live in constant fear of losing my love . I have no reason to think that there is any logical reason for concern, yet I become consumed by what if . what if the car wrecks? what if something happens at work? I think about the days after, if something should happen. how would I ever make it ? it paralyzes me, the thought of never touching him again . how do people ever cope after such a loss . how do they ever get out of bed again . I know I never could . And then morning breaks , and there he is again, safe as always . and I feel such relief. such joy and security. until it is time for him to go again. and so the cycle goes . #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety

This is why I can't believe in love anymore. I get like this all the time and I just feel horrible for them and for myself. #ion #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Splitting #FavoritePerson #Love