The voices are new & scary because they are trespassing & living in my attic or basement.
My husband gave me a kiss on the cheek telling me a did a good job at dinner tonight. However, I get intrusive thoughts of “still not good enough” come across my mind because they were left over chili he made that I just reheated, salad I put together and a directional box of cornbread. 😞 Why does this happen all the time? I never voiced it publicly to strangers online before. It’s always been my friends and family on Facebook but I don’t want to be that Debbie Downer or that Attention Seeker. Being strong minded is very hard. I sure do envy those who are amazing at it. #NegativeThoughts #IntrusiveThoughts #ChronicDepression #whyme #attention #positive #NegativeThinking #MightyQuestions #Notenough
Feeling Lost, Screaming Inside
I left a therapist last year, after 15 years. Boundaries were blurred, he was retiring soon, and from what he said he really never knew me. He has refused an attempt at getting a couple of closure apples. I have looked all over for a trauma therapist who works with DID...I can't afford private therapy. The search has turned up no one. Either they won't treat DID or they say I don't live in the right area (even though I am willing to travel and everything is virtual at this point)... even a program specifically for it. So I am left with a therapist that doesn't really know DID, isn't comfortable treating it, feeling rejected even though it is not personal I'm told. Meanwhile, I have all my parts with locked in trauma, I am lost and alone....no one wants to upset me by talking about the traumas but I need to...we need a therapist or at some point my brain is going to crack into more pieces than it already is....#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Therapist #therapists #needatherapist #whyme #CPTSD
And of course today is filled with the same shit nothing has changed except how much more pain I’m In not physically but mentally and emotionally I’m wearing down my body is breaking down idk what is left to try for the better the person I try to be the more the negatives in myself are pointed out and I’m just a negative aspect in life I did wrong yea but don’t we all do I not deserve a second chance to be happy I’m falling off the horse and not caring to get back on #whyme #Depression
Why me? Why again?
I'm a horrible person
#Depression #worstmomever #thestruggleisreal #ihatemyself #whyme #ijustwanttofeelbetter #iwanttogiveup
I just blew up on my little one for no reason last night. I threw everything in the room and started crying and told the kiddo that the room was a mess and why? I also said that my kiddo was ungreatful for everything and spoiled rotten. I didn't realize how much my kiddo is going through too not being in school. I feel horrible for everything I did last night. I feel 90% of the time that I'm not doing things right. That I'm lazy and I need to do more. I need to be a better person. But, if I show my kiddo stupid things like that how is the kiddo going to be a better person to? I'm struggling so bad right now. I just don't feel like life is worth it right now. 😟 Thanks for listening