whyme

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    "WHY ME?"

    In several darkest hours of my life, I often questioning to myself, "Why me?". I felt that "the whole universe conspired against me". Until this though crossed my mind: "I don't choose to be born in this so-called world and for me, it's including "the whole package", such as physical condition (appearance, health issue, etc), my race/ethnic, where & where I was born, physiological conditions (pattern of thinking, unstable/stable, have some "conditions" or not, etc), but one thing for sure is I can choose to respond about anything using everything that I have!". Now (thankfully) I don't ask that kind of question anymore, I just try to "adapt", try to "survive" and hopefully can live my life to the fullest on my own terms! 😊
    #whyme
    #ADAPT
    #survivalskill

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    #itsnotourfault

    If only I had the choice but unfortunately I was born this way to a women being abused by a narcissist! I can remember being a little girl always wishing I wasn’t me, wishing I wasn’t black, wishing I had different family. Now here iam 30 years old and those thoughts haven’t chaNged much. I guess it’s true sometimes depression attacks at the beginning of life. And it’s sometimes genetic!
    #whyme

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    Judgements

    I have borderline personality disorder ... I think ppl around me started knowing this....that i have mental health issues...they call me psycho ...
    Feeling judged and not getting help feels worst ... "WHY ME !? " #whyme #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Guilt #Pain

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    The voices are new & scary because they are trespassing & living in my attic or basement.

    And I can hear them talking to each other, sometimes about me. I’m fairly new to bipolar & voices even though I’m 62. I am always looking at our cameras outside & I swear I see these people sneaking around. We live in the country so lots of outdoor sounds, trees, animals, etc. I’m very scared of these voices because if they are not real,mthen I must be crazy or losing it. I lose sleep every night because I want them to leave or be quiet so I can sleep. And, they follow me wherever I’m staying & come out every night and they scare me because they are so real & they make noises like walking, dropping something, eating, etc. I often ask my husband if he hears these sounds too. I thought they were real people living in my houses illegally, then was positive they were ghosts or spirits & now they are supposedly just rats or possums. I actually called the police 4 times to have them get these people out of my house immediately. I am a good person & love everyone & I don’t deserve this. It’s affecting my life in a bad way. Please help me understand this so I can sleep & not be scared anymore. Thank you so much! Jeri ♥️ #intruders , #thevoicesrreal , #whyme , #wantnormllife , #assaulted , #Bipolar2 , #epileptic , #PTSD , #alwayshome , #dontgoout , #Goodlife , #gr8tfam , #wantpeace , #Mindfulness , #ydoieatcrap , #nomorehealthyfood , #noexercise , #scared , #Gettingolder

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    #IntrusiveThoughts … After something #positive

    My husband gave me a kiss on the cheek telling me a did a good job at dinner tonight. However, I get intrusive thoughts of “still not good enough” come across my mind because they were left over chili he made that I just reheated, salad I put together and a directional box of cornbread. 😞 Why does this happen all the time? I never voiced it publicly to strangers online before. It’s always been my friends and family on Facebook but I don’t want to be that Debbie Downer or that Attention Seeker. Being strong minded is very hard. I sure do envy those who are amazing at it. #NegativeThoughts #IntrusiveThoughts #ChronicDepression #whyme #attention #positive #NegativeThinking #MightyQuestions #Notenough

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    Voices😖

    Psychosis sucks ass, It's useful when your happy, but tells you to Die, screaming hurtful things at you, replaying the memories that tortured you before, Saying every bad comment you've been told 😖😖😖😭😭😭

    #Psychosis #MajorDepressiveDisorder #whyme #Fucklife

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    Feeling Lost, Screaming Inside

    I left a therapist last year, after 15 years. Boundaries were blurred, he was retiring soon, and from what he said he really never knew me. He has refused an attempt at getting a couple of closure apples. I have looked all over for a trauma therapist who works with DID...I can't afford private therapy. The search has turned up no one. Either they won't treat DID or they say I don't live in the right area (even though I am willing to travel and everything is virtual at this point)... even a program specifically for it. So I am left with a therapist that doesn't really know DID, isn't comfortable treating it, feeling rejected even though it is not personal I'm told. Meanwhile, I have all my parts with locked in trauma, I am lost and alone....no one wants to upset me by talking about the traumas but I need to...we need a therapist or at some point my brain is going to crack into more pieces than it already is....#DissociativeIdentityDisorder #Therapist #therapists #needatherapist #whyme #CPTSD

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    And of course today is filled with the same shit nothing has changed except how much more pain I’m In not physically but mentally and emotionally I’m wearing down my body is breaking down idk what is left to try for the better the person I try to be the more the negatives in myself are pointed out and I’m just a negative aspect in life I did wrong yea but don’t we all do I not deserve a second chance to be happy I’m falling off the horse and not caring to get back on #whyme #Depression

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    What do you do when things stack up and no one believes you? #Believe me

    I have multiple diagnoses, if I go in to a dr. I seem to come out with something nobody knows about! It's to new nobody knows about it. I am that first 1% that gets the new one phenomenon. Its not even a disorder. #whyme

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    Why me? Why again?

    Where do I even begin? I am in my room crying. You must of had me fooled from the get go. On February 16th of this year we went on our first date. It was the first tome I had met you in my entire life. Our date, you know the one that lasted an entire almost 12 hours?! I met your family that day too. That was also the day we decided to be together. That night in fact we changed our relationship status’s on social media. Two whole months this month of April on the 16th and now you just up and ghost me. I mean I guess I should of saw this coming.
    Yesterday, (4/29) you hadn’t talked to me all day I knew you were busy at work but that wasn’t always like that. You coming up the stairs of your apartment along with your brother who just got kicked out of your moms house( brothers 18) telling me that you had bad news. Me being a person with mental health issues I assumed you were breaking up with me. You told me that wasn’t the case but I needed to pack my stuff up and needed to go back home. I was devastated, I was walking around crying my eyes out because deep down I knew. We had stupid arguments, me faking a smile thinking things were fine all on the way you were bringing me home.
    We finally get me home, you drop me off help bring my stuff inside my house, we kiss, tell each other we love them, I tell you I’m gonna miss you. You reply with “You’ll be fine.” You and your brother finally take off in your car down the road.
    We had agreed both of us that you would be back up on May 9th to give me the birthday present you supposedly bought for me. Now flash forward several hours. I messaged you a couple times asking you if you were going to leave me and your all like no I won’t. I lastly called you to talk to you on the phone and you had told me you were helping your brother we talked some more and I could tell you didn’t want to be on the phone. Pretty sure you were going to tell me you loved me but I had accidentally hung up on you. I then proceeded to message you to saying that it was an accident that I hung up on you and to talk to me later I was unpacking. This was me apologizing. Went back a few minutes later to check on our message to completely find out that you blocked me. Tried calling you and not obsessively like in my past relationship with my ex, and figured you blocked my number too.
    I am so very hurt right now it isn’t even funny. Why did you have to do this to me. Now I’m left wondering why. Why me? Why again? You had said you wanted me to be your forever, but look where are you now. I’m done being hurt. I just legit want to shutdown and to never love again because all of this. I do believe I need to be angry too. #Breakups #heartbreak #whyme #Depression #thissucks #Grief #grievingprocess

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