rapid cycling bipolar

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If you’ve had one PLS comment, I am seeing my therapist today but it would be nice to know I’m not alone?? I know I’ll be okay but also want to get some reassurance from people who’ve been through something like this.

I am in the midst of moving out of my parents house into an apartment with one of my best friends. The excitement & fun of it all has made me hypomanic I think, but I also feel empty at the same time & am craving affection (I am NOT an affectionate person?).

Would love to hear your experience/thoughts/advice :)

#BipolarDisorder #mixedepisode #GettingHelp #Mania #RapidCyclingBipolar #WhatIsHappening

1 comment

Holding Back

What secrets do you keep to yourself because of your diagnosis?
Mine: My diagnosis, legal ramifications , tardive dyskinesia because of medication, and more!

#Bipolar #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #MoodDisorders #RapidCyclingBipolar #BipolarObsessiveness #Mania #BipolarStigma

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Drowning out the voices

Sad music is usually my go to 🤷🏻‍♀️ anybody else? #Depression #Anxiety #RapidCyclingBipolar


A Strange Relief? #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #MoodDisorders #RapidCyclingBipolar

I don’t know for sure (obviously), but always feeling like I am on the cusp of a bipolar episode (due to meds that are probably working to hold me back) is almost worse than actually having one. It feels like constantly bracing yourself for a storm that doesn’t come... to the point that it almost feels — or seems like — it would be some sort of relief just to have one already... though that is probably foolishness. 🤷🏼‍♂️

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Defeated! Disappointed & Now Dangerous! #BipolarDisorder #Mania #MixedState #RapidCyclingBipolar #Epilepsy #HeartConditions #help

Reached the stage I have been desperately trying not to😔. For the first time in my life I have actually asked for help, and accepted I need it.
Another 1st for me I am begging for medication. This alone should be a major red flag on its own.
Yes I understand my situation is very difficult and complex and requires careful steps to be taken.
But doing nothing and leaving me hanging is surely a recipe for disaster.
Considering my medical record displays a large Bold Print Red in Colour Title of CAUTION above my name and details, I am considered unstable and a potentially high risk to society. Current events are hard to understand!
If I have ever failed to respond to services, missed an appointment, failed to collect medication etc Which I must admit is basically all the time. I really am my own worst enemy and a difficult patient.
Even after 24hrs AWOL n usually totally unnecessary services normally appoint armed response services to locate me. Ruins Lifes!
However now when I am begging for help and in an emergency situation. No support with my husband n prison, no other family or friends to help. Those I have r n hospital, sick, or in anutha country right now. I am becoming a risk to my son. Unmedicated and physically incapable. No1 will help.
I have called my new mental health team, crisis teams, GPs, consultants and the most helpful information I have been given was to call a family member to come help. Even after stipulating I have no 1 to help me. I have been told some1 would call back however they offices closed hours ago.
My impulsive thoughts are deafening. N my empty room is becoming increasingly crowded and noisy with people I have learned to understand are not real but in my head. tonight though there bothering me. 😔.
Starting to believe my thoughts, I think the only way out now is giving into the darkness and let Luci handle things from here. Shes ready but weneva shes been in charge b4 life has been destroyed and bad things happen.
Put your bets in peepo!
Psychological Emergency, Massive Heart Attack or anutha seizure! Maybe if am lucky all 3!


Fun facts with Jade!

Yesterday i was cycling through all my emotions I could possibly have. This lasted for let’s say about 2 hours, we ended up landing on hypomania. However this episode had a bit of a kick to it, it started out fun and silly. Like I want to do
Something fun and unexpected spontaneous but when I could find anything suited to me it got bad. The malls were closed, most stores had closed everyone I know is either not in town or working or I wouldn’t want to see. So a lot was not happening in my favour.

My skin was crawling, it was this itch that was impossible to scratch. I had energy everywhere, I could feel it in my toes and I felt like I was floating. But when I couldn’t do anything with this energy it became angry. Instead of the happy bubbly energy it was dark, dense and it was rumbling. I felt like a tornado, absolutely terrible to be around. I think I lost touch with reality, I remember staring at my self in the mirror and then thinking who is that.

I was so angry and upset with nothing to do I ended up scratching the shit out of my knees. It was soothing at the time, something to put myself into. I ended up
Going to Walmart after and went for a drive alone. It was an intense night. I should have seen it coming though. The past few days I’ve been thinking I’m being followed on my walks alone. Or seeing someone watching me in trees.

This morning I feel exhausted in every sense of the word. I feel angry still but I still feel those little moments of energetic bliss. And all I want it to stay in those happy moments before they go bad. I don’t think I will be able to do that though.

I’ve been taking my meds regularly, eating healthy, exercise everyday (sometimes more than once), drink water and sleeping for more than 6.5 hours a night.

I guess we can’t all be winners lol #BipolarDisorder #Mania #Paranoia #BipolarDepression #RapidCyclingBipolar #Fun

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I don’t know #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #CyclothymicDisorder

I didn’t want to wake up today.. my mood is low, motivation, energy, and appetite all are low.. I feel like hiding from the world and crying ..
nothing makes me happy..

I missed my morning meds..

I don’t feel like doing anything currently.. yesterday it was even hard to talk during an online course but I had to.. while I felt my thoughts were not so connected ..

I had much worse days.. sometimes I think maybe I’m just lazy because I had worse than that before and I got through it..

One of the worst things in these days is the lack of motivation..
bipolar makes move or stop according to the mood mostly.. it’s hard to put a meaning without and outside the mood context ..
and it’s harder to act on it .. especially for those among us who had bipolar disorder since early age.. (which is in most cases) ..

I know life is tough and I have to be tougher..
but sometimes.. I wish It was ok to excuse myself .. without having to explain anything to myself.. cause I don’t know what’s wrong with me .. 😢
#BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar1Disorder #CyclothymicDisorder #RapidCyclingBipolar #Depression


Can you tell me more about rapid cycling?

My therapist brought up “rapid cycling” today after we went over my mood tracker. I’m wondering what rapid cycling looks like in the real-world. #BipolarDisorder #Bipolar2Disorder #RapidCyclingBipolar #BipolarDepression #Hypomania

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How do know what parts of you are real? #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MoodDisorders #Anxiety #RapidCyclingBipolar #meds #scared

Today I start to take my meds. For the first time ever. And it’s hard. I’m scared of who I WONT be when I take them ya know? If that makes sense. I didn’t grow up “against”
medicine, I just chose to never use it unless I really needed it. I wanted my body to overcome that cold or that flu on its on. Cause I’m tough and if I don’t build a resistance now-then I never will. Thinking I’ve been doing the same shit with my mental health....