Yesterday i was cycling through all my emotions I could possibly have. This lasted for let’s say about 2 hours, we ended up landing on hypomania. However this episode had a bit of a kick to it, it started out fun and silly. Like I want to do
Something fun and unexpected spontaneous but when I could find anything suited to me it got bad. The malls were closed, most stores had closed everyone I know is either not in town or working or I wouldn’t want to see. So a lot was not happening in my favour.
My skin was crawling, it was this itch that was impossible to scratch. I had energy everywhere, I could feel it in my toes and I felt like I was floating. But when I couldn’t do anything with this energy it became angry. Instead of the happy bubbly energy it was dark, dense and it was rumbling. I felt like a tornado, absolutely terrible to be around. I think I lost touch with reality, I remember staring at my self in the mirror and then thinking who is that.
I was so angry and upset with nothing to do I ended up scratching the shit out of my knees. It was soothing at the time, something to put myself into. I ended up
Going to Walmart after and went for a drive alone. It was an intense night. I should have seen it coming though. The past few days I’ve been thinking I’m being followed on my walks alone. Or seeing someone watching me in trees.
This morning I feel exhausted in every sense of the word. I feel angry still but I still feel those little moments of energetic bliss. And all I want it to stay in those happy moments before they go bad. I don’t think I will be able to do that though.
I’ve been taking my meds regularly, eating healthy, exercise everyday (sometimes more than once), drink water and sleeping for more than 6.5 hours a night.
I guess we can’t all be winners lol #BipolarDisorder #Mania #Paranoia #BipolarDepression #RapidCyclingBipolar #Fun