Are you portraying a fake identity?
Have you ever stood looking at yourself in a mirror and thought “What am I doing with my life and is this really what I WANT”? If so you are not the only one, I’ve been there myself and they are tough questions to ask. Asking them may even mean giving something or someone up to achieve happiness.
These questions can become even more prominent when you are dating. When you date the usual questions bounce back and forth. One of the most usually asked is what you do in your spare time or what are your hobbies. If you are anything like me you have hesitated to tell them in case they think it’s boring and then loose interest. What can be even worse is when you suffer from anxiety, you tell them and then feel like they are either judging you or simply saying nice things to be nice.
If this is something you have experienced then it may be time to ask and answer those questions. But to do this you have be to be completely honest with yourself. Why? Well, if you aren’t comfortable with who you are and what you do with your life, how can you be comfortable expressing and sharing this with a potential partner.
Believe me I have been there, and it eventually leads to an increase in anxiety levels and a craving for something the other person won’t be able to provide. What I mean by this is that if you do not have anything else in your life you enjoy or working towards you will then expect that one person to full fill all those needs. What a lot of pressure for one person, especially if you have just started dating and ultimately this will lead to disaster. They will constantly feel under pressure, you’ll come across needy, they will pull away. Even worse if you are like me you will blame yourself and second guess everything you did and are doing. Leading into an anxiety spiral where you head feels like scramble egg. Not good or mentally healthy.
So, to create a bond and relationship with someone you first must be secure in who you are. For me I had to had to go through this process very recently as I felt what I was doing wasn’t fun or exciting enough to other people, so it shouldn’t be those things to me. Well FUCK them!!! I love what I do, and I am good at, with lots of potential to change the world if I continue to work hard. Them, well one day I may hire them to clean my medals, degrees, and toilets whilst they reminisce# the good old days in the pub. The things I can do once I have achieved what I want. The same goes for you.
What I am trying to say is. If you don’t feel secure in yourself, go out there and work fucking hard until you do. Find hobbies and experiences you are proud to shout about and when you do meet someone not only will you come across more confident in yourself, but you won’t drive them away with neediness and high expectations. Don’t let any once else tell you what you want isn’t good enough, especially people who think they have no time to achieve but watch Love Island every night. Finally remember no one person can meet all one person’s needs and to expect that is a lot of pressure and not healthy.