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I’m scared and done with this society… does anyone even care…? | TW mentions of police, family, swearing, some all caps, possibly ableism?

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Being autistic feels like a fucking crime these days.

I was staying at a hotel because was about to lose my fucking mind staying at home with my youngest nephew making a lot a noise constantly throughout the day. What my dad said earlier about check-out, I’ve misinterpreted, but he fully apologized and takes full responsibility as he should’ve made it clearer.

I was getting ready to check-out, but it was an hour later because I was getting ready to check-out. Security came to my door and said that I needed to come out, and I told them that I was just getting ready to leave. Packing as fast as I possibly could, they came back again and threatened to call the police on me if I didn’t get out of there soon. I literally told them that I was packing as fast as I could and that I had an appointment an hour after the check up time (and I couldn’t reschedule or else my mom would have to pay over $100 for canceling ,and I didn’t want to do that to her!) … and of course they did care about that last part.

Pissed off, I left the hotel in tears and placed the card keys at express check out. I wanted to complain, but I didn’t bother because I was just so mad and honestly scared for my life.

My dad told me that the police part is just something they say to get others out. If this is a fucking neurotypical norm, I want to let you know: 1) I HATE being pressured or someone trying to rush me and 2) I HATE being FUCKING THREATENED, especially regarding something TO DO WITH THE POLICE! Are you kidding me?!?!

Society SERIOUSLY needs to know how traumatizing and/or stressful that is to hear for neurodivergent individuals who 1) completely misinterpreted what check-out restrictions mean, 2) are trying their fucking hardest to do something in time, and 3) LITERALLY MEAN NO FUCKING HARM!!!!!!!

Now, I’m fucking scared to even go outside anymore. I feel like society just doesn’t want me. I feel like society just sees me as a criminal, or just sees my autism as criminalistic.

I know I was overstimulated earlier with my younger nephew, but I’d rather deal with this and possibly lose my mind than be FUCKING THREATENED TO HAVE THE POLICE ONTO ME!

#IsThisAbleism #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #NeurotypicalNorms #StopThis #Police #overstimulated #Norms #scared #Stress #Society #venting #Vent #triggerwarning #MentalHealth #Ableism

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The Cops Were Called

Today is the first time the #Police were called on me for a #wellnesscheck . My husband had text my mother earlier in the day, and I even had let her know I was feeling emotionally sick and needed time away from things.

I felt suicidal, and my husband had sat with me and watched me and spent the whole day with me. I had no sharp objects, no phone to look at social media, no strings or wires or cords, ate with plastic fork and spoon on a paper plate, and followed all other protocols for at home care.

I made sure he followed me and sat right by the bathroom door when I had to go. I was not about to go to a facility that is in town that I had already reported to the state of #Florida for the conditions there. I now have been doing therapy trauma as a result of me being at that facility.

When someone like me feels suicidal to the degree that I have felt, it was more so a pull sensation, and often times would leave me to want to bang my fits on something or self harm because I was emotionally hurting so much. I have been down that road so many times.

I am not thinking those thoughts right now, nor do I feel that way anymore... But I am completely aware that I was triggered by recent events and that I have a very #serious problem. I talked with my husband about finding a retreat that offers therapy, yoga, nutrition classes, outdoor walks, and 24/7 care if I needed help. The mental health facilities in my area don't have spas or yoga or anything that can help treat a lower risk patient like myself.

My next #Therapy appointment is next week. And my doctor appointment is the same day. So I just want to make sure that I mention all of what has happened. I do not want to feel this way ever again... But with this disability #BipolarDepression I cannot guarantee that it will never throw me for a relapse.

The sad part is for me, which is also a good thing though is I am fully aware of what is right and wrong about what I am thinking when I feel that way.

Do you have any friendly advice?
I don't mind paying for the retreat, but I would like to find someplace to go where it is warm. Preferably here in the state of #Florida .

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A Funny Thing Happened To Me On The Way To The Supermarket

Allow me to present to you a classic Will Bassett story, one of many, I assure you.
#Police #Spies .
This afternoon I drove to the local shopping centre/mall. I parked up and was just about to get out of my vehicle when I noticed something strange, very strange indeed.
Almost directly across from me was a large white van with a man sitting inside it. He was on his own but obviously talking with someone on his phone.
What caught my attention though was what looked to be a very expensive surveillance equipment. What the English would call "an impressive piece of kit" or 'high end'. A pair of binoculars combined no doubt with cameras. This 'kit' was resting on what looked to be a rather elaborate tripod.
I turned around to look in the direction of the pair of binoculars' gaze and it appeared the white van man was looking at the people entering and leaving the main door of shopping centre.
A number of things came to mind. Firstly, his behaviour appeared to be shifty and/or dishonest. Secondly, who was he working for?.
I took photos and tried to act in a nonchalant manner.
I locked my vehicle's doors.
I had to something. Had to? Or needed to?
I phoned Queensland Police Link. The number you ring when you are hesitant and don't want to call 000 or 911 or 999 etc.
They took ages to answer.
The operative in the van just sat there spying and chatting.
I managed to keep up the appearance of being nonchalant as I could.
Managing only fleeting glances at the surveillance gear.
Finally a Police Link operator answered. I explained what I had seen, with some bravado. However, I must admit my conviction about the matter was gradually waning.
I was asked if I or other members of the public were in any immediate danger. I said no.
I followed that up by "I've never seen anything like this in all of my life".
Eventually he said he would put me on hold and that they might have to send the "local Police" around.
I risked blowing my cover by staring at the surveillance gear more keenly than before. First, with my prescription sunglasses and then with my ordinary prescription glasses.
It was all coming together. I quickly hung-up. I was now 90% certain about what I was looking at. It wasn't a combination pair of binoculars and camera. No, it was a pair of suction caps used to mount this man's gps/sat nav, resting on a fairly elaborate support!
To make up the 10% I got out of my vehicle as nonchalantly as I could and walked quickly up to the said vehicle for confirmation.
Yes, suction caps.
I don't think Police Link collect phone numbers at that stage of the proceedings.
However, your dishonour they did take down my full name and date of birth!
I hope you thought that was at least a tiny bit humorous lol
I thought it was hilarious
Lol

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#emotionalflashback vs Work Brothers

"So I used to lie and say I had GI issues when I was having an anxiety or panic attack. Now I lie and say I'm having a panic attack when I'm having a flashback. Can we just #breakthestigma and it be okay for ppl to not be okay so they can just get better instead of working on injuries? Oh wait this is first response, we work with broken bones, energy levels, spirits, and wallets."

The above is a text I sent in a group chat to my work brothers after waking up too late to call out. I got hectically ready and cried on my way in to work. That was when it dawned on me I was having an #emotionalflashback . And it's been a week full of them.

I actually tried to put the wall up, push the emotions down, and well you know... try actively #Dissassociating from them and their pain knowing good and well that would mean not feeling the good feels either. But it seemed the only way to make it through shift with how the morning and week were going.

But then, surprise, one of my brothers stopped by my station on his way home. He stayed chatting with me and my partner till our first call dropped not too long after clocking in. It gave me the courage to drop the idea of disconnecting from my emotions.

A few hours and calls later, another of my brothers found himself totally unfazed by my "hug attack" in the hospital's er bay. He let me burn off some anxious, annoying energy before we parted ways. It was the boost I needed to keep going.

Neither mentioned anything about the text. Neither called me out in front of anyone else. Both just gave me a few more extra minutes then I'd normally get from them. And it made all the difference.

They know I have a hard time reaching out for help. Thankfully they make it easy and worth it. And, without them even realizing it, they gave me a much needed burst of hope to keep doing my therapy and not give up admid a long frustrating symptomatic week.

I'm lucky to have some understanding peers and blessed to call a few my brothers. Most throughout the branches of first response are not so lucky, at least not when it comes to mental health issues.

The shift isn't over yet, but I know I'll make it through it.
Why? Bc my brothers have my six.

#EMS #Fire #Police #firstresponders
#Dispatch #iam911 #GY6 #PTSD #CPTSD

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I will not feel guilty for struggling

So I'm currently being given what is essentially an asbo and I know this is the police saying I'm not really ill or I'm just faking suicide attempts but fuck it. I know what I feel and I know how painful this all is. I'm not destroying myself to prove anything.
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#BPD #Legal #Police #asbo #positive

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#worthless #Burden #Suicide

Tuesday night I was brought back to the house by the police.. I had thought of suicide and I wanted to act on them. My family who I live with, were a bit annoyed and still are. had a the conversation with me tonight... this can’t go on like this, it’s too much for us to deal with, loke I know I cause trouble and I bring on stress to the family. #failure #Suicide #Police

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HBPD ARE THE BEST.. #Autism #Police

Went to see the Lion King late last night. It was INCREDIBLE!
Logan likes walking home afterwards so I kept an eye on him
From the car
Got a phone call while In the car from HB Police just making sure I knew that Logan was walking down the street alone (they had just passed him)

HBPD IS THE ABSOLUTE BEST!
Just AMAZING and I can’t THANK them enough!💙❤️🤙😊✌️🖖
#hbpd @huntington_beach_police
#surfcity #Autism

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Calling the police

I don’t know if anyone would read this or even care, but I just want to say it

The other day I was fighting with my mom and my grandpa (who I live with) started to yell horrible things to me, and we started fighting too. I went to my room to stop hearing him insult me and I shut the door and I broke a mirror because I was way too mad and my grandpa called the police, so I couldn’t go to school (I just turned 17)

When the police arrived they told me I was way too immature to understand anything, that I should let my family insult me and that I didn’t have the right to feel bad because I have food and a house to live in.

That made me feel so much worse, I want to know if I really don’t have the right to feel bad #Police #Family #Depression #Loneliness

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