Armed With Knowing
Too many... Thoughts and Feelings
Violently ripping away at my mind... Constant and Contradictory
They strip me of any sense of worth...
Everything I knew I needed to do, To be
To see pride in my father's eyes,
Washes away in a devastating Flood of Anger...
Confusion and fear hidden beneath a cloak of Bravado..
With relationships destroyed and buried...
At the bottom of a bottle.
Distraction curing all my afflictions
One fair weather friend at a time.
Incredible how a smell, a sniff alone returned to me what I was so quickly losing...
Melting away any self doubt
Confidence and Ambition
Warming me up again...
Until it became too warm..
Changing from a smolder to a... Combative force.
Appearing cold as I leave carnage in my wake.
Though... my jobs, relationships... my self-worth.
Also lay disintegrating along with the rest of the dismembered remains
Cocaine couldn't save me, it isn't strong enough to fight this Tyrant..
Every moment of everyday that I survive in the clutches of this... Hungry Thug,
My mind is burning and my body aches
Today has to be the last, that I seek cover in this void
Tomorrow I will fight. If I fail, then I'll riot the next day and create anarchy the next.
Then maybe, someday,
I will finally
Detatch myself from the wearisome, tedious, and exhausting grasp of
Borderline Personality disorder
I didn't know then, what I know now...
Now I have hope.
Now I am armed.
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