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Armed With Knowing

So many...
Too many... Thoughts and Feelings
Violently ripping away at my mind... Constant and Contradictory
They strip me of any sense of worth...
Everything I knew I needed to do, To be
To see pride in my father's eyes,
Washes away in a devastating Flood of Anger...
Fists, tears...
Confusion and fear hidden beneath a cloak of Bravado..
With relationships destroyed and buried...
At the bottom of a bottle.
Distraction curing all my afflictions
One drink
One bag
One fair weather friend at a time.
Incredible how a smell, a sniff alone returned to me what I was so quickly losing...
Melting away any self doubt
Confidence and Ambition
Warming me up again...
Until it became too warm..
Changing from a smolder to a... Combative force.
Appearing cold as I leave carnage in my wake.
Though... my jobs, relationships... my self-worth.
My hope.
Also lay disintegrating along with the rest of the dismembered remains
Cocaine couldn't save me, it isn't strong enough to fight this Tyrant..
Every moment of everyday that I survive in the clutches of this... Hungry Thug,
My mind is burning and my body aches
Today has to be the last, that I seek cover in this void
Tomorrow I will fight. If I fail, then I'll riot the next day and create anarchy the next.
Then maybe, someday,
I will finally
Detatch myself from the wearisome, tedious, and exhausting grasp of
Bipolar and
Borderline Personality disorder
I didn't know then, what I know now...
Now I have hope.
Now I am armed.
-Me
#inowknow #Bipolar #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPDDiagnosis #unhinged #itsnormal #expression #strength #diagnosed #maybeiwillbreatheagain #armedwithknowledge #andsomepills #mommaalwayssaidimcrazy #notanymore #itakepillsforthat #noshame

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Living with undiagnosed mental illness

I speak with Nichole Howson about living for many years with undiagnosed bipolar disorder. She discusses how this negatively impacted her life. She was finally diagnosed after scary circumstances. Nichole discusses how finally getting an accurate diagnosis transformed her life.

Listen to the interview here- accordingtodes.com/77

#BipolarDisorder #Undiagnosed #diagnosed #MentalHealth #Diagnosis #Podcast #lifechanging

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The Diagnosis That Saved Me

Being a mom is hard. Being a mom with undiagnosed mental illness can be even harder. When my son started showing signs of possible mental health issues, I knew the best thing I could do for him would to get diagnosed. This past may I finally broke down after an almost attempted suicide and decided to see a psychiatrist. After my evaluation came back I got the diagnosis. Severe depression, bi polar, and border line personality disorder traits. Not to mention my already diagnosed anxiety and ADHD. What I thought would be a relief to hear was the exact opposite. I felt more messed up than I thought I was. I talked with my dr and we started me on new meds. Effexor for my depression and abilify to stabilize my moods caused by my bipolar. I know as a mother I did the best thing I could not only do for me but for my kids. It’s normal to go undiagnosed, but I beg you if it gets to the point your considering taking your own life, get help, consider getting diagnosed so you know what your dealing with and how to treat it. And know you are not alone, you do not have to suffer alone, you do not have to walk the journey to a healthier mental state alone. A diagnosis can be scary but it can also save your life. #MentalHealth #diagnosed #Undiagnosed

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Looking for #Friendship and #Conversation 🤔 anyone #interested ?

I'm new to #mighty . Newly #diagnosed with #Fibromyalgia ; I'm going out and interacting less and less and typical social media became bad for my #Anxiety and #Depression . I'm looking to #bond with others who are #experiencing similar things to me including #Fatigue #ChronicPain and #Sleep issues along with #sciatica and #BrainFog . Just trying to make it through #OnedayAtaTime 💜

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COVID-positive life

Things definitely got worse before they got better.

At its worse (Thursday I think), my whole body ached, I couldn’t support myself, I was very fatigued, cold water caused physical pain, I had chills and I was very weak.

Thankfully things have got better and now all that’s affecting me is sore throat, breathlessness w/ below normal blood oxygen levels, distorted sense of smell, loss of appetite, chest pain, weird “eye headaches” when I move my eyes, weakness and sneezing!

Though I think the sneezing may be allergies as they have been playing up and I finally started taking the new nasal spray (it got better when the sore throat was real bad, I guess because it was just drying it or something as as the sore throat has got better the mucus has got worse).

With the loss of appetite it is a struggle because I was already underweight before COVID. Today was the first day I managed to eat two meals in basically a week, but it was a struggle to do so.

The weakness is also a bit of a frustration. Washing hair requires a sustained amount of arm strength, and I really don’t have it at the moment. Reminds me of the times when I’d shower after 10 hour cleaning shifts...

The breathlessness does have me a little concerned because it’s gotten worse every day, but hopefully it’ll get better soon. It kinda feels like I’m not breathing enough unless I’m breathing through my mouth, which probably makes my sore throat worse so I try not to.

The distorted sense of smell is just plain annoying. I noticed it yesterday when I went to eat some crisps and they just smelled really strong like chemicals (well that was the closest smell) and ever since then, everything else does.

Still got a few more days of self-isolation thankfully. Hopefully I’ll be in some sort of state to be able to work and wear a mask (because there’s going to be absolutely no way they’ll let me in without one on, given I’d only just been self-isolating with covid).

Anyway long post, but it seems like a lot has happened in just a few days.

#COVID19 #diagnosed #breathlessness #Fatigue #Pain #weakness #selfisolation

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#diagnosed #ADD #finally

Hello Mighties!!
So, after struggling with ADD symptoms and procrastinating on making an appointment, I was told by my spouse that we need me to be diagnosed and treated for whatever is making me act this way.
I went today to see a counselor and she diagnosed me with ADD. I’ve been prescribed #Adderall and should be able to pick up my prescription in the next couple days.
I feel like a weight has been lifted of my shoulders, because I have an answer and a plan to follow. Some instruction and guidance through this process to become the best version of me! Do better at work, be a better wife and be better to myself!

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finally diagnosed with #Fibromyalgia

after 3 years and 2 provinces I finally got my diagnosis of fibromyalgia. .which is good but not good at the same time ..it means my crippling pain in my hips that prevents me from walking, standing, sittingi, sleeping, or having any kind of life for that matter , are never going to get better:( still having a hard time finding a treatment that works ( I'm really sensitive to side effects from antidepressants. .they dont mix well with me ) . and I know that I cant work but finally being told to go on disability wasnt what I wanted to hear either..was really hoping to be able to work again..#prayingforacure #Fibromyalgia #hippain #diagnosed #missingtheoldme #Disability

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World Mental Health Day

On #WorldMentalHealthDay I remember 2 years ago at the end of this month I attempted suicide. I no longer wanted to be in this world of pain, suffering, alone, and death was my out. I was then #diagnosed with #Depression #Anxiety #BipolarDiorder. I was put on #Medication I did not want, seeing a therapist I did not want to see. After 6 months I realized I needed help. I went back to #Therapy and a #Psychiatrist. Now after 2 years since my attempt and over 1 full year in therapy my depression went from a 10 to a 3. I am not on anxiety meds. My psychiatrist is looking to take me of my other meds after the holidays and I am finally in a #great #relationship .

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#ADHD the illness overlooked

The wrong diagnosis can and will destroy your life. #ADHD is overlooked with 90% of people suffering #ADHD . A #serious life threatening mental illness. #meds for #Bipolar will not help, and if #Psychiatrist doesnt notice you're not improving, take you own life back. Please get #rediagnosed . I went for 40 years bipolar/#BPD they said. When I listened to myself and went for another opinion, I was correct. I'm #ADHD , with #BPD and #Bipolar . According to the #Psychiatrist who #diagnosed me, my entire life has been #compromised , and I've lived in unspeakable #mental hell, simply due to incorrect #Diagnosis .