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My Blog #CPTSD #SexualAbuseSurvivors #chonicliars #Sociopath

I want to share my blog. I have waited 58, soon 59 years to tell my story. If you are willing, please read and tell your stories too.

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Isn't it crazy how crazy people call you and make you look crazy... And at some point YOU even believe it for a moment!? They may even drive you to a point where you act "crazy", just so they can say "see, this is what I mean"!
Isn't it crazy that we're willing to give up our sanity, just to please the crazy ones and even hope to be loved by them. We try everything possible to make it work, wondering why it's not working and we we truly believe there is something wrong with US... We really believe we are not lovable... All because the crazy person made us feel so!

#Crazy #narcissist #Sociopath #psychopath #ChronicPain

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I knew the hard work would only just start now. Realisations... The moments you now sit there, a memory pops up and you just think "omg, it makes sense now!"

You think you can get over it now that you know the truth... But it just hurts more. It just doesn't make sense! All these years you thought there was something wrong with you, only to realise how they psychologically abused you all this time.

All your life you felt worthless, useless, unable... It finally makes sense... You understand why... But it hurts so much!

Although you know that they are sick and you keep telling yourself not to take it personally, you ask yourself why!? How could they? What did I ever do to deserve this!? I must have done something!?

And then, another realisation... "oh, wow!"... How often did they do these things without you realising?

You realise that your whole life was a lie... Now you understand why you always felt so lost.

I try to allow these feelings, all of them, to flow through me... But damn, it hurts so bad... Mentally and physically!

#PsychologicalAbuse #narcissist #Sociopath #ChronicPain #unlovingmother #exhausted


Panic attack?

So, the weekend was insane. Not sure how to deal with it right now. Although O believed I am getting along "ok" considering tge circumstances, I woke up in the middle of the night and seriously thought I was dying. I couldn't breath for a moment, my chest hurt and my heart was racing. I was scared to go back to sleep after that and decided to go straight to the doctors in the morning and get my heart and lungs checked. This morning I felt better, I can breath without a problem and have no more pain. Could it have been a panic attack? I have an appointment with my GP next week and will speak to him about it, but maybe someone on here has experienced the same? #PanicAttack #Depression #NarcissisticAbuse #Sociopath #Anxiety


Step forward?

Although I knew it for many years, I didn't want to believe it. After finally standing up for myself yesterday, they showed their true colours. I finally, after 37 years, saw clear. Although I knew it deep inside, I am shocked, I am hurting, I am confused. So much makes sense now though. And no, I am NOT crazy, they are psycho. These feelings are horrible, I feel so weak right now, I feel broken, sad, angry, frustrated, confused... But: I am thankful for yesterday... Is this a step forward? All this had to happen, for me to finally see clear and complete free myself from their abuse. I have beem ill for some years now... Did I allow myself to get ill because I felt weak, because I felt pain I didn't completely understood, because I was programmed to feel guilt, worthless and because I felt unloved. Have I subconsciously be hating myself so much, not understanding what I did wrong to be treated this way my whole life, that I am subconsciously punishing myself? It took 37 years for this to come out. The truth, these feelings, realising I am not crazy. 37 years!!! No wonder I am ill. I am. Hurting real bad, but I believe this could be a step in the right direction. May my mind and body heal #LymeDisease #psychopaths #NarcissisticAbuse #Sociopath #ChronicPain #awakening #Healing

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#CheckInWithMe #Sociopath

I allowed my ex boyfriend back into my life after continuously being screwed over over and over and over again. I was blind to his games and different personas. He would make me feel so loved and wanted and then as soon as he knew he got me, he just turns into a different person. Hanging out was only on his time, he demanded I give him my adhd medicine, asked for me to do his homework, and used me for all the emotional support he could get but never reciprocated. Each time this happens I am left drained and confused , what more could I have done to be enough ? All the times I was trying to prove him to be a better person, he was just running his agenda and calculated moves. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ve been talking to a person who just wears a different mask to get a different favor from me. I still think of the good times and cry hard. My time was wasted, I was taken for a fool, I could have moved on but I got sucked back in. I feel so empty and hollow, I can’t seem to fully grasp that I was so manipulated and used for so long and I was so blind to it. I feel ugly, worthless, fat, and someone incapable of being loved. I just need some kind words right now.


Sociopath versus narcissistic parent

My mother is a sociopath. I read the post about narcissistic parents and saw some similar traits that my mother has. I am now 52 years old and suffer with borderline personality as a result...any thoughts from other members #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Sociopath