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Nostalgic comfort

Feeling super super low, and I'm a comfort eater. So I made chocolate chip cookies... i have about 2kgs of dough still sitting in the fridge.

I know this isn't a healthy relationship to have with food, but I don't always do this. I'm trying to avoid self harm. My psychologist is on leave and I've had bad news from my compensation providers.

I'm at my wits end on how to cope so I thought a little taste of something comforting might help...

It hasn't completely but it has a little.

#Depression #Anxiety #AdjustmentDisorder #Disability #Food #DistractMe #ChronicPain #DropFoot #FootDrop #neuralgia #spineinjury



Pain is immense. Too much up and around today. Sitting, standing, repeat. I wish I could move around without consequence. Two youngsters came to help outside to get garden beds ready today. They even put the cover on the greenhouse frame that I have been unable to do and built a raised bed I can tend to from my garden trolley. They said they will come back to help fix things that I've had to leave and need finishing and repair. I wanted to hug them both.
Part of me felt frustrated watching them do things I enjoyed doing and used to do so easily years ago, but more than that I feel so grateful.
I used the whipper snipped today. Just a light electric one, but it's something. I also used my mitre saw for the first time in? I'm not sure. Just small pieces of wood and I had to sit down to use it, but it feels like a big deal.
I couldn't remember how to unlock it, but it's been a long time.
With their help maybe this place can start feeling like home again and I won't keep feeling like I'm letting my family down. #TraumaticBrainInjury #spineinjury #spinepain #Depression #grateful #mva #Motherhood

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Surgery done ✅ Feeling anxious today🥺 #Backinjury #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #SacroilliacJointPain #Lumbarfusion #sciatica #Sacroiliacfusion #Anxiety

My surgery went well yesterday! I had a sacroiliac joint fusion revision surgery. The plan was to take out 1 or 2 of the loose screws and replace them. Instead, my surgeon kept all 3 of those screws and added 2 larger bolts which I don’t love but I trust my surgeon very much . So in my Sacroiliac joint I now have 5 screws and 7 screws in my lumbar area. I was in the post-op recovery for 3 hours because my pain could not be controlled. I kept asking to see my mom but they wouldn’t let her back to see me. I was in tears most of last night and now today. I only received two doses of IV pain medication after midnight and now my surgeons assistant is switching me to oral pain medication not much stronger than what I took before surgery. I’m feeling very #anxious and scared for the pain when I go home later tonight 🥺My initial SI joint fusion surgery in March was the most painful surgery out of my precious 3 fusions and I remember what that felt like. And this is bigger than that surgery with a longer recovery.
I understand there are so many restrictions now with opioids and people abusing these medications. I know doctors have a job to prioritize patient safety and I very much appreciate and respect that and the laws. I just also know how severe of pain I’ve had with surgery in this area and am anxious about being in so much pain once I’m home. My surgeon is amazing and has done all four of my fusion surgeries, I’d like to think he won’t leave me hanging in tons of pain. Of course it’s almost the weekend too when offices and places are closed. I just needed somewhere to vent and share my anxieties. I’m in a lot of pain but I’m doing my best to stay optimistic, it just feels a lot harder to do right now. 🥺😓 On a positive note, I’ve had amazing nurses, anesthesiologists, nurses aides, etc. I am also Catholic and just now out of no where, a member from a nearby church came and offered me communion and healing prayers. 🙏🏼It almost seemed like a sign for me to be positive and keep going?! 🙌🏼
#ChronicPain #postsurgery #Backinjury #SacroilliacJointPain #BackPain #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #spineinjury #SpinalFusion



Stop trying to make me laugh at my pain. This is not a bdsm collar. Laughing actually hurts. Your efforts to cheer me up making my pain worse or more apparent. This is still an open wound , numbing it with laughing gas- wont work and is ignorant. Laughing at others pain has never been something I enjoyed, now it makes me sick. - Trying to ease your discomfort with my disability is not my responsibility. #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #ChronicPain #notfunny #Anxiety #createempathy #ChronicIllness #Braces #spineinjury #dislocations #Subluxations #Neuropathy


Metaphores for my - OWWWW!

My head feels like it is sinking onto my spine, a stake to mount on the battlements for all to see.
My vertebrae feel like pinched pancakes with hornets inbetween.
Every time I take my wrist out of the brace its like that goose that keeps flying out of formation.
Fabric feels like its made of granola every fold a new treat for the senses.
Weebles Wobble and so do I.
Just a hurricane stuck in a girl body. #ChronicPain #Allodynia #spineinjury #EhlersDanlosSyndrome #PinchedNerve #MightyPoets