storms

Trig warning- fire mention, death mention, family mention

So late 2021 and rest of 2022 feels like a storm that’s never ended and I’m wondering how can I calm the storm?

Between friends dying, a house fire, covid , my family being narcissistic bullies I feel I can’t catch a break.

Any tips on the storm

#sickoffthis #storms #Iwillsurvive #wanttothrive

I'm waking up every twenty minutes because of this intense wind storm. And when I wake up, my mind flips back and forth between every kind of coronavirus scenario and possible physical danger from this storm.

- What if the tutoring centre shuts down and I lose my job?
- What if the wind picks up and smashes Grandma's plant pots against my window?
- What if I am one of those asymptomatic carriers of coronavirus and am unknowingly infecting everyone around me?
- What if the next time a wind gust comes up and rattles the window panes, they shatter?
- What if everything shuts down tomorrow and I am stuck with very few vegetables/fruits because I chose not to go to the store after my shift today?
- What if the wind knocks over that huge tree and it comes through the window?

And on and on and on...

I try to strategize to find a way out of these problems, but I feel stuck and unable to see another possible reality. As I type these out, I can feel that the wind storm fears are unlikely to materialize, but less certain about the coronavirus fears. My abdomen is vibrating due to anxiety, but my mind marches on, annoyingly calm as it ticks through the fears.

#nighttimeanxiety #Anxiety #storms #Jobs

Never been one to care for thunderstorms during the day but, it’s even worse at night. My parents like to think of this as an irrational fear, I like to think of it as being very real. I believe it stems back to when we were living in Louisiana. We had to run away from a hurricane once in my life. So now I watch the weather and hope for the best. But sometimes my mind wanders. And it’s not easy living with this but, we now live in Virginia where thunderstorms are regular storms. I still don’t sleep during them though because what if we have to leave?!

Cant take it no more
Maybe from outside my life may seem perfect
Inside its all more of a hellhole
I am a blackhole
Not even light can escape
Sucks every positive thing ever inside it
Not a bit of happiness or calm
All you can see is a vast span of nothingness
Oh you cant see it because it seems invisible
But whatever goes near it
Whatever touches it leaves no trace behind
I definitely dont matter to you
But dodging hundred heads everyday i make my way out everyday
I save myself everyday
Try to be peaceful and normal everyday
While its so turbulent inside
A great day for me is when no misfortune happens
And great days rarely come
I shine sometimes
But overshadowed by brighter stars galaxies nebulas
Blinded by their dazzling light
But i still do exist
A hole growing bigger by day
A hole of nothingness by night
A hole of negativity
A blanket of chilling biting snow
The worst of storms
A nightmare alive and walking
Get up everyday fake my existence to myself
While i myself know that i am more of a walking dead
My mind is a rare place only few get to visit
No one who will understand in this world of extroverts
That i cant fake no more
I cant be somebody else anymore
I cant fake laughter cant fake mingle with people cant make friends easily
That you have to try just once more to be friends
Give me one more chance to be your friend
I know black holes are mysterious and deleterious
But who knows you maybe surprised
I want to live too
No help
Actually no one can
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#blackhole #nightmare #anxietyonthemighty #Anxiety #Depression #MentalHealth #storms #hellhole #turbulent #fake #existence #negativity #nopositivity #invisible