Suicidal Ideation

Gather round and let me tell you of my absolute terrible experience with my health care provider and those who work there.

For the last four years I’ve had a physiatrist who is something else, but I always assumed I wouldn’t be able to find someone else to help me. This woman was ALWAYS late to our appointments. And not like 5 minutes, 15/20 minutes one time she was 45 minutes late with no notice causing me to call the front desk of her office to ask what was going on. When they finally got a hold of her and she connected to our appointment she gaslit me into how it was 100% okay for her to be late. Oh and she did it was a smile too.

The next thing she did was never give me the courtesy of learning my name or any other names of people like my therapist, even after being corrected every single time.

One top of that she would always refill this one medication I only needed in emergencies, so not very often, to the point where I currently have 6 unused/full bottles. But the medication I use daily, never refills it and trying to get ahold of someone at her office or her to correct this mistake is like pulling teeth. I’d often have to go without.

The final straw for me was I saw her right after my soul pet suddenly passed and she honest to god with a smile on her said ‘I don’t like animals, I don’t know why people have them.’ Um…what? She also told me in the same sentence that I could ‘always get another one’ 🙃

So I called her office to ask if I could possibly find another physiatrist to which my current one discharged me from her care…but wait! She still dragging me through the mud! Apparently she got to pick the physiatrist and the time I could start seeing them. A month…I have to wait a month.

I’ve been struggling and believe my meds need to be adjusted so I called back asking if there was someone else would be able to see me earlier and I explained why. I received a call back from a nurse who was just as unhelpful as the physiatrist.

She told me that my old physiatrist said this new guy was the absolute ONLY option and I had to wait the month dispite needing help sooner. Of course I could always schedule an appointment with the woman I just discharged myself from because she would be more than happy to help. So I explained to the nurse my grievances and she told me that was the only option. To which I asked why this woman who I’ve discharged myself and care from gets to continue to drag me through the mud?

The nurse told me I could go to the emergency room, to which I told her they would not adjust my meds which is all I was after. Then she told me to go to Rodgers for an inpatient stay. Again, not a solution. And I told her the ONLY thing I wanted neither of these suggestions would do for me.

So we ended the call and I come to find out the nurse called a wellness check telling the police that I ‘may harm myself’ a complete lie. To which the officer asked me why I said that, and if I wanted attention and then threatened to take me in for a mandatory hold.

I did find a solution that this nurse, my old physiatrist and the police did not help with at all.

I called my currently therapists office and they also have physiatrists and they can get me in next week…wow, so effing hard.

Assencion, st Frances location and those employed clearly have absolute no want to actually help those seeking mental health help, but will gladly lie and accept their paychecks 🫠

Thankfully, I got to come home and snuggle with this cutie after that absolute shit storm that was my Wednesday.

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #Suicide

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#Mindfulness #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicIllness #ADHD #MightyTogether #IfYouFeelHopeless #BipolarDisorder #Grief #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #MadeVisible #ChronicPain

I have so many thoughts about this one today for yet another Great Discussion Topic For You To Learn From, And To Remember.

Let’s work through this hard one together with your thoughts, then my thoughts replies.

As we do it everyday right here in This Group💪🦋
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#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #Trauma #Grief #BipolarDisorder #Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #MoodDisorders #ADHD #Suicide #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Mindfulness #MadeVisible #ChronicIllness #Disability #Agoraphobia #AnorexiaNervosa #EatingDisorders #SocialAnxiety #BingeEatingDisorder #AlopeciaAreata #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Autism #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #Blindness #Relationships #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FamilyAndFriends #MajorDepressiveDisorder #ChronicPain #Lupus #LymeDisease #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MDD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Loneliness #CrohnsDisease

I make custom mascot costumes or fursuits for others. All commissions of course. I’ve been taking commissions for a little over 3 years now. I take commissions in small batches as to not overwhelm myself.

These lastest two commissions have made me feel all sorts of uncomfortable for a number of reasons. The first commissioner is nearly finished paying off their $3000 custom costume but I can’t move forward with even ordering fabric due to not having their body measurements and whenever I ask about them they blow me off, saying they are busy and will get to it later.

The other commissioner has made one payment of $500 on their $4500 costume. The $500 down payment usually is more than enough for me to purchase essential supplies (foam, thread, guts for the foot paw, etc) however there are 8 different colors of faux fur needed for their costume and a different color for their paw pads totaling 9 different colors needed for one single costume. I have tried and there is no possible way to afford everything needed for the $500 down payment.

This commissioner clams to they have read my terms of service, however if they have then they wouldn’t have made one payment back in November and ghosted me for lest last three months. I cannot even float the missing money due to bills. I’m terrified to ask for payment feeling like they are gonna think I’m ripping them off or scamming them…it sucks because my friends recommended that this guy commission me so I feel as if I cannot vent or ask them for help in this situation. I’m SO upset by this, because he keeps asking for updates on his suit as well as a deadline. I don’t do deadlines and again, if they read through my TOS then they should know this. I work as fast as I can but due to the complexity I don’t want to rush. I want to turn out the highest quality possible. :(

Honestly these two latest commissions and commissioners and their lack of respect for me and my talents have really turned me off of ever taking another commission again :(

I’m at a loss for what to do, gaslit myself early this morning. My anxiety has made me sick and my depression has been at an all time high. I’m not sure what to do.

Here’s a picture of my cat, jojo. He makes me happy.

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts

I want to celebrate 🎉 my Mighty Friends that Are Actually, Really—they told me so🙌🙌🙌 Building Something Great and Kicking To The Curb Doubt that keeps wanting to creep into our mindset And Fear that wants to hold us back and control us…

This Day, Your HUGE Transformations, is All Partly Because of the choices I empowered you with that you reached out to me too to guide you in how to use the tools and techniques I teach in my group titled Resilience and Mindfulness that is another body of work of love and friendship of mine that I am also So Proud of!!!!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌

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#MentalHealth #Mindfulness #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MoodDisorders #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Selfharm #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #IfYouFeelHopeless #FamilyAndFriends #Relationships #ChronicIllness #Disability #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicPain #Headache #Migraine #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #MadeVisible