Suicidal Ideation

Today, I feel like giving up more than I have lately. I’m tired of this world. I don’t have any hope for the future on so many levels. It’s all a farce; at least, to me, it is.

I used to have dreams as a very young child that things would end up this way - I would finally find peace, find love, feel accepted and in love with being alive and boom - the whole world turns into one apocalyptic nightmare. I’m separated from my family and I can’t get to them. I can see them but everyone around me is running and hiding just to dodge being physically harmed by powers greater than us, inflicted upon us by evil forces.

It feels like that now. Like I’m stuck in that dream, fighting but powerless. Stuck. Only, I am awake with only the strength to just give up. What an insane paradox. A cruel joke. Isn’t there any light anywhere anymore? So glad and grateful I can post here. No one else understands. 🙏❤️

#CPTSD #SuicidalIdeation #Depression #Anxiety #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #SpinalStenosis #PTSD

I wish you all perfect health and happiness always 💖✨🫶
#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Addiction #ADHD #AnorexiaNervosa #Anxiety #Psychosis #BingeEatingDisorder #Bipolar2 #Bipolar1 #BipolarDepression #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #Schizophrenia #SuicidalIdeation #Depression #Selfharm #Trauma #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #EatingDisorders #MoodDisorders #AvoidantPersonalityDisorder #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Autism #BreastCancer #Blindness #Cancer #ChronicIllness #Disability #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder

I don’t want to be here anymore.
I can’t take anymore pain.
I feel so alone.
I want to give up.

The only reason I’m still alive is so I don’t ruin the lives of my family members by leaving them. Other than that I don’t think living is worth it. I don’t have anything to look forward to. There’s nothing I find joy in doing. It’s so hard even to survive in this world and I’m tired of struggling to get through every day. What’s the point if I’m just keeping myself alive to suffer? I don’t feel like it’s even worth it to stick it out and see if it gets better. I’m so done with feeling so horrible every day. It’s been years and it’s only getting worse.

#Depression #Autism #SuicidalIdeation

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I’ve written many posts on this, so I won’t go into detail of each individual thing. I think I hate this city. I feel like not even this city tolerates well to neurodivergent folk/folx like me. No city does. I’ve been threatened, accused, bullied, and misunderstood numerous times (even at a fucking hotel to the point where I had a fucking meltdown), I can no longer trust to go into any hotel now, and I can’t even get fucking disability payment no matter how much I poured my heart out on why I can’t work because the government is too fucking stubborn and ridiculous (and no, I cannot afford a lawyer because I’m not rich). My heart is fucking torn right now just thinking about it. It’s like they want us dead or something. Just for existing.

I hate it here. Am I really just going to be fucking homeless in my future because this damn capitalist society doesn’t give a shit about me? Should I just end it if that’s my future? Because I probably will if I ever have to deal with that shit. I’d rather be dead than sit with the feeling over how this society doesn’t give a fuck about me without a home. There would be no happiness anyway.

(Please refrain from calling me human (I have dysphoria, I’d rather not go into detail right now), please and thank you!)

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #MyAutismIsNotADisability #AutismSpectrum #Autistic #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #OSTD #OtherSpecifiedTraumaDisorder #neurodivergent #Neurodivergency #Vent #triggerwarning #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #SuicideAttemptSurvivors

I thought I was crazy my whole life but since November 7 I'm diagnosed with ASD. Life's so hard. This world isn't made for autistic people. I hate it.

why would they make me love my life if nothing will change ? I'll still have the same family and same life.

i hate everything.

my meds are making me hungry and gain weight I hate it.

I still have meltdowns/ shutdowns/ panic attacks a lot.

i hate everything.

i still have my ocd the meds aren't working.

#AutismSpectrumDisorder #EatingDisorder #MentalHealth #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #SuicidalThoughts #SuicidalIdeation #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder