Suicidal Ideation

I make custom mascot costumes or fursuits for others. All commissions of course. I’ve been taking commissions for a little over 3 years now. I take commissions in small batches as to not overwhelm myself.

These lastest two commissions have made me feel all sorts of uncomfortable for a number of reasons. The first commissioner is nearly finished paying off their $3000 custom costume but I can’t move forward with even ordering fabric due to not having their body measurements and whenever I ask about them they blow me off, saying they are busy and will get to it later.

The other commissioner has made one payment of $500 on their $4500 costume. The $500 down payment usually is more than enough for me to purchase essential supplies (foam, thread, guts for the foot paw, etc) however there are 8 different colors of faux fur needed for their costume and a different color for their paw pads totaling 9 different colors needed for one single costume. I have tried and there is no possible way to afford everything needed for the $500 down payment.

This commissioner clams to they have read my terms of service, however if they have then they wouldn’t have made one payment back in November and ghosted me for lest last three months. I cannot even float the missing money due to bills. I’m terrified to ask for payment feeling like they are gonna think I’m ripping them off or scamming them…it sucks because my friends recommended that this guy commission me so I feel as if I cannot vent or ask them for help in this situation. I’m SO upset by this, because he keeps asking for updates on his suit as well as a deadline. I don’t do deadlines and again, if they read through my TOS then they should know this. I work as fast as I can but due to the complexity I don’t want to rush. I want to turn out the highest quality possible. :(

Honestly these two latest commissions and commissioners and their lack of respect for me and my talents have really turned me off of ever taking another commission again :(

I’m at a loss for what to do, gaslit myself early this morning. My anxiety has made me sick and my depression has been at an all time high. I’m not sure what to do.

Here’s a picture of my cat, jojo. He makes me happy.

#CheckInWithMe #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #MajorDepressiveDisorder #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts

I want to celebrate 🎉 my Mighty Friends that Are Actually, Really—they told me so🙌🙌🙌 Building Something Great and Kicking To The Curb Doubt that keeps wanting to creep into our mindset And Fear that wants to hold us back and control us…

This Day, Your HUGE Transformations, is All Partly Because of the choices I empowered you with that you reached out to me too to guide you in how to use the tools and techniques I teach in my group titled Resilience and Mindfulness that is another body of work of love and friendship of mine that I am also So Proud of!!!!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌

Here, I am wanting All of us to Cheer for You and You… 💯💪🏆🏆🤩💛💛🙌🙌🙌🙌🎊🎊🎉🎈🎁🪅👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🍾

I 💛 my new friends and my group and All Mighties soooooooo much!!

Woohoo!!!!!!

And if you are not yet following me on here and if you aren’t participating in my group posts in the important conversations I keep creating for YOU, what are you waiting for?— Call to Action (as we said in my college Marketing degree and my Advertising and Marketing jobs:
Click to join & follow me on The Mighty Now💛🙌💯🦋🤗

I know I am only 1 person and I am only 1 part of this Amazing community and I am grateful for All that we All do Everyday Together.

Who agrees that we all make The Mighty Mightier and the Best Online Community Platform and Social Space Ever?!💯🙌💛💪🤩🦋

#MentalHealth #Mindfulness #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MoodDisorders #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #Selfharm #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #IfYouFeelHopeless #FamilyAndFriends #Relationships #ChronicIllness #Disability #ChronicFatigue #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicPain #Headache #Migraine #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Trauma #MadeVisible

Widgets from your phone calendar app can help alot. If not, download one that does. (I like "Good Calendar" app) & I also like to have a "physical" planner (which are on sale this time of year) I easily get feeling #overwhelmed into a state of stagnation & procrastination. Then things don't get done & just keep building up. Increasing the anxiety & stress, turning "overwhelmed" into #confused & #disoriented . which can spin,spiral, & snowball out of control. Which left unmanaged, can lead to #Psychosis &/or take my #SuicidalIdeation to a dangerous point . #SuicidePrevention #Suicide #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Schizophrenia #Depression #SchizoaffectiveDisorder

Here’s the link to my *Just For Fun and Connecting* post in my group “Resilience and Mindfulness” for being a participant all week This Week leading up to the Oscars airing this Sunday night:

Topic/Question Just for Fun and Connection 🙌🙌

#Loneliness #MightyTogether #FamilyAndFriends #ChronicIllness #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #ADHD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Agoraphobia #ChronicPain #PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #Trauma #Selfharm #Selfcare #Grief #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #MoodDisorders #BipolarDepression #CysticFibrosis #Fibromyalgia #Cancer #RareDisease #Migraine #POTS #Lupus #AutismSpectrumDisorder #Addiction #AnorexiaNervosa #Relationships #EatingDisorders #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

I’m burnt out, beyond burn out. Struggling emotionally, mentally and physically is an understatement.

For 8 nearly 9 months things have gone from bad, to worse to abysmal. Honestly I’m not even sure what the effing point is anymore.

I lost my job, my soul cat, no one is calling me back dispite countless applications, two ‘friends’ demanding I make them an expense costume even though I wasn’t accepted new work, as well as wanting it rushed and to skip the line. When I would do this they called me names, misgendering me using slurs and vulgarity before telling me I make low quality shit and don’t deserve commissioners. My unemployment ran out, still not job opportunities, after getting home from a convention with another group of friends who now have decided to ghost me.

The cherry on top of all of this garbage is last night an acquaintance flipped absolutely shit last night on me for attending a convention this past weekend because I wasn’t being considerate of him and his husband due to a beef he has with those who ran this convention 10 effing years ago! I wasn’t even apart of the furry fandom 10 years ago let alone going to conventions. Last year this guy didn’t care that I went so I’m not sure why now he’s flipped out. And no I’m not going to boycott a convention based on hearsay from years ago!

I went and had lots of fun, I’m glad I went but now I’m honestly contemplating my future within the fandom. I’m just done with the lack of respect for one another, the clicks, drama, the need to always be the main character or popular…

When I joined for me it was about the art and costumes. Now it’s just a massive shit show and I hate it.

I’m still grieving the traumatic sudden loss of my soul cat and honestly just don’t have anything keeping me here or a good valid reason to keep going. Everything just keeps getting take away from me. My depression has been running absolute rampant anxiety is drowning me and I’m sad/angry what feels like all the time. I’ve been trying desperately to find a new physiatrist due to my current one never listening, constantly filling the wrong meds and just genuinely not remembering simple things like names dispite me correcting her every appointment. The office calls from an unknown number so it never rings though and they take forever to respond to my calls and when they do, the messages they leave are rude and degrading. As if me calling their nurse line is a giant inconveniences for them.

So yeah, a bit about why I’m beyond burn out.

#MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #MentalHealth #Addiction #CheckInWithMe #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Grief

To help encourage us to remember that we are more than our chronic illness(es) or any diagnosis, and to remember that we Are building friendships right here -

In the spirit of the current, Biggest, Buzz-Worthy, Trending Topic, MOVIES awards show airing Sunday night the Oscars🙌🤩🏆🍿🎥🎬

Let’s use this post all weekend Starting Now And And Into Next Week to connect through the art, power, storytelling, …and your particular views on any film. I will keep it as wide-ranged as that for a fun, varied, connecting conversation back and forth below 👇 in the comments!

#Loneliness #Grief #DistractMe #FamilyAndFriends #Relationships #IfYouFeelHopeless #Depression #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #DepressiveDisorders #PersistentDepressiveDisorder #MoodDisorders #MDD #Agoraphobia #MentalHealth #MightyTogether #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ChronicIllness #IntellectualDisability #AutismSpectrumDisorder #MyCondition #RareDisease #ChronicPain #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicFatigue #Migraine #Selfharm #Selfcare #Mindfulness #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors #Suicide #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PTSD #MyalgicEncephalomyelitis #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #PsoriaticArthritis #Trauma #Cancers #AlopeciaAreata #AuditoryProcessingDisorder #CerebralPalsy #BipolarDisorder #DownSyndrome #Addiction #Lupus #HashimotosThyroiditis #AutoimmuneThyroidDisease #BipolarDepression #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #AutonomicDysfunction #ParkinsonsDisease #PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome #POTS #EatingDisorders #AnorexiaNervosa #BingeEatingDisorder #Dyspraxia #BrainInjury #MotorDisorders