My mom calling my dad an Effing Coward, them calling each other names my mom especially putting him now, sister and mom fighting, me and my mom lately not getting along either or avoiding each other. It’s a little hard.
#struggling #dysfunctional #Toxic #hard #Family #help #Relationships #boundaries #BadDay
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Stories, books, and music, have always been cherished friends. My mother was the kind of mother that never really wanted to be a mother; it was foisted upon her. If I detach myself from this story, I see the scared 17 year old version of her that got knocked up in high school in a time and place where this was a big deal. My penitent grandparents were reborn Christians with a whole lot to atone for and my bastard existence would have most certainly been viewed as not just my mother’s failure, but by extension, also their own. So they did what everyone who lives for what the Joneses might think about them; they forced my parents to get married.
Between now and then there is a whole lot of dysfunction that extends to abuse, violence, and an ironic devotion to repeating the sins of the past, but I know that unless you consciously step out of a cycle, you’re doomed to blindly rinse and repeat it.
Putting myself back into the picture, I find I have a lot to be angry about. Not wholly against any of the players, though they all had choices to make, and I am acutely aware that most of them chose easy. Or worse—the let the cards fall where they will mentality—that allows you to remain a passive passenger in life, because you get to label this as being “destiny” or “fate”.
There’s not much I can do with my anger though, other than try to channel it into better things. But every now and again I find a good angry song to be a good way to release a bit of steam. Enter Everything’s Fine by Tracy Bonham which I’ve tweaked to fit my grievings since I went no contact with my own mother.
My lost Mother, how's the family?
I guess you did it for the dough
How's the weather? Why do I bother?
Am I lonely? Heavens know
Mother, mother, are you listening?
You want a line to appease your mind?
Life is perfect, never better
Distance helps the heart mend
When you sent me off to see the world
Were you scared that you might get hurt?
Would I try a little independence?
Would I keep on hiking up my disconcert?
I feel angry, I feel shitty
I’m losing my mind, EVERYTHING’S FINE
I'm wheezing, I'm self nursing
I'm bleeding to death, EVERYTHING’S FINE
I'm not functioning, struggling to be sunny
I'm starting to build toward the end
I can feel it, around the corner
Not sure I’ll make many more days
Mother, mother, why me?
Sure I'm kosher, sure I'm sane
Life is perfect, never better
Still not your daughter, that’s never changed
If I tell you what you want to hear
Will it help you to sleep well at night?
And you’ll tell me that I'm your perfect dear?
So you can cuddle up and sleep tight
I'm crummy, I'm dirty
I'm losing my mind, EVERYTHING’S FINE
I'm losing, and I'm bruising
I'm bleeding to death, EVERYTHING’S FINE
I don’t miss you, not sure you ever loved me
What you did cost me my only family
BUT EVERYTHING’S FINE, EVERYTHING’S FINE
NONE OF IT WAS EVER FINE.
#dysfunctional #Toxic #AbusiveRelationship #Relationships #FamilyAndFriends #Grief
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Any tips or your own experience/ struggles turbulent or non functional families where everyone fights miscommunication grudges insults etc resentment. Sometimes it gets better but typically it’s only good and then it gets worse. #dysfunctional #Family #Toxic #belittle #Abuse #Fights #Energy #Draining #lovethembutitshard
1 reaction I have so many questions in my mind about how parents handle addiction or other things when there are children in the picture. The biggest question being, "Did anyone take into account that your kids could possibly stumble across said addict in the act?" I really feel like when parents decide to things like that a secret, the kids seem to be an afterthought. The said addiction could be embarrassing for said parent, but do they realize that hiding it could effect how their kids see them as a person? I've asked myself these questions because once my step parent's porn addiction was out in the open, all the missing pieces came together, but now I see my family differently. It feels more of a cover up than a real family. But that's just me. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Addiction #dysfunctional #Family
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Today's podcast guest, speaks with me about how living in a chaotic, dysfunctional household impacted her mental health and how she began to heal in her adult years.
Listen to today's episode to hear about Erika's journey with her physical and mental health and her relationship with her parents. I'm sure a lot of people will relate to this.
94. Your Parent's Relationship & How it Can Impact Your Ment...
#dysfunctional #dysfunctionalhousehold #ToxicMarriage #Toxic #ChildhoodAbuse #podcastepisode
1 reaction I am a 53 year old wife and mother of 2 (boy, 21 and girl, 18). I was diagnosed with Bipolar Type 2 in 1995 and ADD in 2001. My husband was diagnosed with Clinical Depression in 2007. My son was diagnosed with ADHD in 2008, Anxiety Disorder/Clinical Depression in 2010, and Bipolar Type 2 in 2014. My daughter was diagnosed with Depression/Anxiety and PTSD in 2017. We each have our own meds, therapist, and medication manager (currently, our med managers are all in the same practice, which makes appointments, etc a lot easier).
Being in a family with multiple MDs has its perks. If one of us runs out of a prescription, we can borrow from another with the same medication until we get ours. We carpool to appointments. If one of us feels sick, someone else immediately asks, "Did you take your meds?"
It (obviously) also has it's pitfalls. You never know when you walk in a room what (and how many) moods you'll encounter. Juggling appointments, especially before the kids could drive, took planning. Dishes and laundry were dependent on at least one person being "up." The worst is the "contagious" factor: one person's prolonged depression pulling the rest of us down.
My family is pretty open about our diagnoses; we're blessed to have a circle of friends who accept us the way we are. I'd like to hope our frankness about mood disorders makes others feel less afraid of their own mental state (because we all know people who suffer silently). We've each had friends come to us with questions regarding depression, anxiety etc. The friends of my kids frequently come to us before talking to their parents because they know we'll understand (more than once, I have approached a mother to navigate that opening conversation).
WOW! Thanks for reading- I didn't realize I had so much to say! #Depression #BipolarDiorder #PTSD #Anxiety #ADHD #Bipolar2Disorder #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #dysfunctional
#Family
Had an active day yesterday and extended myself too much - knew it at the time as had disc pain, did a few stretches and carried on. I was with someone so probably overcompensating and showing I could keep up was part of it. Must remember its okay to show my vulnerable side with others. Today lay down all day, applying heat and hemp ointment and taking magnesium. Starting to hurt over less of my body so hopefully a better day tomorrow.
While making a hot drink and finding the best spot to put my birthday flowers sent by my sister back in my native New Zealand I got the all clear from my covid test. Never been so happy to be fighting off a bug. Today I will be able to go out for a drive with my daughter in law and the temperature is warmer making it a 21degree Winters day. Feel blessed. 🎉👍🙋♀️🤸♀️🤺🎶💓
Yesterday I posted about a trauma I went through as a teenager and received wonderful support from my Mighty family. Later I started feeling generalised fear and had trouble sleeping. I listened to soothing music, told myself I was safe, got up and had a hot milk drink and a turkey sandwich and took the pressure off myself by snuggling up in the lounge and got a couple of hours sleep. Today I realised it is a throwback to what the reaction was in my childhood home when things were brought out in the open. There wasn't warm loving support from the adults, but blame, rage, violence to person or possessions, being punished for breaking the code of silence, being ridiculed, put down, ignored, and being excluded - in other words control until we complied with the family line - which was to be wantless and needless, an invisble member of the family. Today I am not prepared to be silent any longer and just writing this post is validating myself and releasing long controlled emotions tightly held. My stomach muscles are relaxing and I am ready to get up and face the day looking after my needs and doing things that make me happy. Time to switch off the news and crank up the music. 🎶🎶🎶
Prior to a stay in hospital had voiced my fears about not being given saline pre and post anaesethic and had both my specialist and my cardiologist write letters to that effect, but I still was uneasy whether I would be given them on the ward which would affect my POTS. I packed supplies of everything I might need to up my salt levels - hydration tablets, a salt shaker, jar of vegemite, and 2 small tins of tuna and cutlery. Glad I did as they kept putting off giving me a saline drip until it was too late as it was time to take me down to theatre. Downstairs I let them know and they started me on one but it wasn't enough. Back in the ward I felt queasy and asked for a bp reading. The student nurse said my bp was good but I told her 105/57 wasn't as my bp was falling so her senior came in and hooked me up to an iv. Glad I have a voice but so tired of this disconnection between ward care and specialist care.
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