Yesterday I posted about a trauma I went through as a teenager and received wonderful support from my Mighty family. Later I started feeling generalised fear and had trouble sleeping. I listened to soothing music, told myself I was safe, got up and had a hot milk drink and a turkey sandwich and took the pressure off myself by snuggling up in the lounge and got a couple of hours sleep. Today I realised it is a throwback to what the reaction was in my childhood home when things were brought out in the open. There wasn't warm loving support from the adults, but blame, rage, violence to person or possessions, being punished for breaking the code of silence, being ridiculed, put down, ignored, and being excluded - in other words control until we complied with the family line - which was to be wantless and needless, an invisble member of the family. Today I am not prepared to be silent any longer and just writing this post is validating myself and releasing long controlled emotions tightly held. My stomach muscles are relaxing and I am ready to get up and face the day looking after my needs and doing things that make me happy. Time to switch off the news and crank up the music. 🎶🎶🎶