unsettled

Having problems getting my darn mind to slow down #unsettled #nervous #Cant sit still #Bipolar #onalityDisorder #PTSD #Bipola #Trauma #Healing

During this depressive period, I find that I feel everything around me so intensely. Every memory of what lead up to this point has its monumental impact on my life, mental health, and just my wellbeing in general. With that, I always find that there are people who can relate to a degree of sadness, abandonment, anger, the heaviness, the emptiness, and all of the above that I have experienced. I often feel alone in the world, and even when I do go my own way for a while, I do think about every single person I’ve left behind. I’m guilty of “ghosting “, but for me it’s my way of saying that “I’ll get out of your way.” I’m a firm believer in letting people have their space, but I do fear abandonment. I’ve been guilty of going away without saying goodbye because I felt that it was better to leave to people before they left me. Sometimes in anger, I’ve felt justified in leaving because I felt that I was “giving them what they wanted” ( which was letting them be with who they really wanted to be with). It doesn’t mean that I don’t think about them afterwards, but sometimes I feel like my best gift to someone is to leave the picture especially if I feel like I don’t fit into their life for some reason. I recognize the fact that I’m a complicated woman with unsettled issues, and having normal relationships seems to be out of reach. I’ve been angry at myself for pushing people and I always think of the worst scenario to happen should I see said person again. Do I feel that I come across as difficult? Most times, yes... I’m trying to do better. #Depression #DepressionAndMentalHealth #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #Relationships #FearOfAbandonment #abandonmentissues #FeelingAlone #Sadness #anger #Heaviness #Emptiness #Ghosting #unsettled #issues

absolutely nothing is happening. things are “supposedly” calm. no one has to be anywhere, it’s an over all lazy day. so why do I feel like I’m crawling out of my skin and can’t settle. I feel irrationally angry for no real reason. I hate feeling this way.